Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ten Little Indians

The drums start pounding in the distance.  The rhythm begins building as the chief raises his arms to the sky.  The warrior-dancers stride boldly in, their warpaint fierce, their faces determined; this is their moment.  Concentration fills their faces as the wailing music starts and they began to dance around, mimicking the elements of fire, water, earth and air.  They dance with abandon to celebrate the joy of a harvest, to give thanks for the food they will eat.  Flashes of light strobe across the scene and voices began to call.

“Look this way, honey.” 

“You’re doing great.”

“Keep dancing, buddy, follow the teacher.”

We parents watched our little preschoolers perform for the school’s Thanksgiving feast.  Our ten little Indians were dancing around a fire made of construction paper and cardboard tubes with a tipi made of window blind pieces standing in the background. Paper headbands held pink and yellow feathers and tinkling bells were tied around their ankles.

It was probably as politically incorrect as you can get now days and someone, somewhere is probably offended.  Of course, that someone, somewhere is always offended about something.  Yes, we know the Native Americans of the East Coast tribes who encountered the pilgrims didn’t live in tipis.  Yes, the second song was sung in Spanish, not the language of the Wampanoag.  Yes, the pilgrims arguably brought a new culture that brought change to another culture. 

But, the kid’s celebration of Thanksgiving was enthusiastic and warmed everyone’s heart. As far as political correctness goes, they were pretty diverse.  We had White Indians, Black Indians, Hispanic Indians and even an Asian Indian Indian bridging two very different cultures who share a name.  Her big brown eyes would melt anyone’s heart, so I’m pretty sure it made everything OK.

Sometimes an Indian is really an Indian and sometimes, she’s from India.  Sometimes a tipi is a home for plains dwelling Native Americans, and sometimes it is a butcher paper and window blind structure for ambience.  Sometimes a drama is for teaching history, and sometimes it is just performing for parents.

Here’s to all those who fuss and bother about titles and proper names for things, for those who insist on the correct version of history and those who are so tolerant that they are intolerant of anyone who doesn’t agree with them. Relax. 

Let’s put aside politics for awhile and just enjoy watching the kids.  They don’t care about any of that anyway, they just want to dance for their parents.

Happy Holidays.

Monday, November 14, 2011

What is the Christian Response to Abortion?

I was invited to serve my time on the picket line a few weeks ago.  Two ladies stopped in my office to discuss the possibility of my church joining in the protest of a local practitioner who performs the only private abortions in the state.  I listened politely and accepted their literature, but then respectfully told them, ‘No.’ 

I don’t like abortion.  Let’s be clear about that.  I think it is a positively awful and generally selfish choice that almost always arises out of poor life decisions.  Though the debate often moves to questions like, “What if the pregnancy is because of incest or rape,” I believe this is the exception and not the rule.  With more forethought and more focus personal responsibility instead of demanding personal rights, there would be less need for abortions in this country.  Please understand, if you are a woman who has had an abortion, I do not condemn you for it, but my heart breaks for the situation.  I would never turn away someone who has chosen or is considering abortion, especially in those exception cases. 

I also do not like abortion protests.  By and large, they are obnoxious and so focused on this one issue, that they lose sight of all other humanity.  It doesn’t take much of a leap to go from charges of murder to feeling obligated to do anything in your power to prevent the murder.  Thus we get shootings of abortion doctors and bombings of their centers.  Even those who do not turn to violence, often turn to violent language, graphic pictures, and intimidating tactics.  Violence, hatred, and intimidation are NOT worthy of Jesus and are completely unacceptable from anyone who claims to follow him.  I just cannot picture Jesus yelling epithets through a megaphone at a scared young girl.   

During college, members of my class were assigned to visit a Planned Parenthood and ask questions.  To enter the center nearest me, I had to go through a heavy steel door with an armored peephole that looked like it was out of a bank vault.  The inside lobby was small and the receptionist window had that thick bulletproof glass that you see in check-cashing businesses.  The interior door to the counselors and patient rooms was also armored and you had to present I.D. and wait to be buzzed through.  I was saddened that those doctors, nurses, and counselors were in an armed camp, predominantly out of fear of people who call themselves Christians.  That’s not how it should be.

The ladies who invited our church to join them in this current protest promised me that the signs would be about love and would, in fact, say, “We Love You, Choose Life.” They told me the protest would be all about letting the doctor and patients know that we loved them and that there would be no graphic pictures of aborted fetuses.  I still am concerned.  Who controls what goes on these signs?  Who controls who gets to be there protesting?  Even the most peaceful protests tend to draw the fringe elements, and that brings danger. 

I believe that the Christian response to abortion is not protest, but Adoption.  My challenge to any and every protestor who would walk in front of an abortion doctor’s office, is this: “How many children have you adopted?”  For every pastor, teacher, or blogger who has written and spoken on the subject of abortion, I would ask, “How many young girls have you provided for so they can have a baby and put it up for adoption?”

I don’t know that holding a sign has ever changed a single person’s mind.  I do know that a loving offer to adopt has.  I do know that giving a woman information can make an incredible difference (yet Planned Parenthood consistently stands against any requirement for this).  I also know that groups like Crisis Pregnancy Centers do an incredible job offering counseling, connecting women with adoption agencies, offering financial assistance, and walking with a pregnant woman through a tough time.  They even offer post-abortion counseling for free, if a woman chooses that route. 

I am a believer in putting your money and your action where your mouth is.  Period.  If you cannot stand up, please shut up. 

Here are the stats. 

·  According to the National Abortion Federation’s website (a pro-choice group), there are approximately 1.3million unwanted pregnancies in the United States each year.

·  According to Religion Facts, there are approximately 159 million Christians in the United States. 

·  There are already as many as a half a million people seeking to adopt children at any given time in the United States and as many as 1.58 million who have taken steps to look into adoption according to Adoption.com. 

·  There are around 127,000 children awaiting adoption in foster care right now, according to the Adoption Institute.

·  Fertility Treatments can cost upward of $12,000 per cycle with the average spent on In Vitro Fertilization in the U.S. of $100,000 per baby born!  $4 billion dollars a year is spent on assisted reproduction in the U.S.

·  The average cost of a foster adoption is $5,000 with domestic adoptions costing around $10,000 and international adoptions running from $25,000 - $35,000 according to the Adoption Guide.  Note – there are tax credits and grants for adoption that alleviate some of this.

The simple truth here is, if every church in the U.S. took this idea seriously, there would be little or nothing left to protest about.  There are just over 12 times as many Christians as there are abortions.  There should be enough families to adopt every available baby.  If churches and families took the calling to adoption seriously, there would be millions of families available to adopt and millions of others available to support the families in those adoptions.  Imagine if the money spent on fertility treatments were spent towards adopting unwanted babies and children.  Imagine if churches stepped up and committed to adopting every child available AND supporting those families that went through with adoptions.

A pastor friend of mine and his wife* shared how they adopted a little baby girl and then ten months later had the opportunity to adopt twin newborn boys.  It took little thought for them to say, ‘Yes.’  They said it was so hard taking care of three little babies, two of whom were preemies, that they remembered little about that first year.  What they did share was that the women of their church brought them dinners every night for six months and then continued to regularly drop off food for months after that.  They also had church members who came over and watched the babies periodically so they could get a break.  Now, that’s how it should work!

When we adopted my oldest daughter, we experienced the same thing.  Church members organized meals for us.  They dropped off gifts of baby clothing, formula, food for the family, and many other things.  I don’t think we bought a single diaper for the first year!  They helped us with babysitting, and even just coming to visit.

That’s how it’s supposed to work.  Christian community is an amazing thing; it's much more powerful than any sign.

I am not suggesting that this would stop all abortions, but I do suggest that it could be an amazing, life-changing experience for everyone involved: the woman facing an unwanted pregnancy, the precious child, the adoptive family, and the church as a whole.  I know so many adoptive families and in every single case, the experience has been a hard one, but a healthy one.  The love these families and children experience overflows on those around them. 

My wife and I have had a wonderful experience with adoption and intend to adopt more children in the future.  I invite every Christian family to step up and either open your lives up to adopt a child, or open your pocket book up to support adoption. 


Love is a powerful thing.  I believe it is infinitely more powerful when it is taken off of signs and put into action. 
* Note: My Pastor friend does participate in the protest at that site, holding a sign that says, ‘We love you, choose life.’  He has adopted several children; he has earned the right to hold a sign.


If you are a family looking to adopt, may I recommend Christian Family Care Agency at www.cfcare.org ((602) 234-1935 or Arizona Baptist Children’s Services at www.abcs.org (623) 349-2227

If you can contribute to adoption, please consider making a donation to http://www.cfcare.org/donate/ or to http://www.choicesaz.org/. 

 If you are a woman experiencing an unwanted pregnancy, may I suggest you contact the local Crisis Pregnancy Center.  In Phoenix, you can find them at www.choicesaz.org  or by calling them at (602) 393-7501.  All assistance is free, fair, and confidential.

If you are a woman who has had an abortion and would like to talk to someone, they also offer free counseling. 

Other services offered by Crisis Pregnancy Centers include:

·         Pregnancy testing

·         STD Testing

·         Physician or Nurse Consultation

·         Crisis counseling

·         Counseling for parents, boyfriends, and husbands

·         Adoption counseling

·         Adoption referral

·         Housing referrals

·         Childbirth classes

·         Parenting classes

·         Abortion recovery

·         Ultrasounds

 Another option is  Hope House http://womenscpc.org/#/hope-house-maternity-home/4552859533 located in Showlow, Az.  It may be a drive from Phoenix, but they offer an actual maternity home.


Monday, November 7, 2011

Pride and Prejudice

I am a racist and very prejudiced; I hate people who are different from me.  At least, that’s what the writer of a recent email accused me of.  He was kind about it, suggesting it in an oblique way, couching it in the nicest terms possible; but it sure didn’t feel very nice.  I was so hurt and angry, that I had to kick in my personal safety rule about email.  Never respond by email when you are mad.  It actually took me four attempts at re-writing my response, in order to calm down and be a peacemaker instead of firing back an accusatory and sarcastic response in the same character as his original email.

The story behind it is very long, but the short version is that we disagreed on how to help the homeless.  Our church and several other churches, charities, and ministries were asked by the Phoenix Police to assist them by feeding the homeless at a different location than the city park.  The location is a short walk away from the park, has a gymnasium and kitchen and helps resolve issues of the neighborhood families who would like to take their kids to the park without having to see people defecating near their picnic (actual event) or having pedophiles preying on their kids (two actual events).  The homeless are still allowed to use the park, they just cannot camp there and the many groups who feed them are asked to move to this ministry other location that is a mile away.  We agreed to work with the police and the neighborhoods, this other group did not.  We are still feeding the homeless and, what’s more, helping some to get off the street, into housing, and back to work (4 in the last month).  Even cooler, we are able to get dozens of ministries and charities to work together, pooling our resources and thus doing more than any one of us could alone.

I offered to meet with the fellow who emailed me and talk.  I offered to listen and provide answers if he needed.  I thought that perhaps he misunderstood.  He wasn’t interested in talking with someone he doesn’t agree with.  He missed the irony of his own email, as much of his problem was based on his own prejudiced assumptions about me that he never bothered to clarify.

I have a friend on Facebook who likes to spout strong opinions on political issues.  (actually, I have several like that).  This one, in particular, regularly reposted half-truths about the opposing party, internet rumors, and false statistics to back up his point.  I used to post responses to his comments on a regular basis, asking questions, positing a different point-of-view, or posting links to Snopes.com and factcheck.org when he posted things that were internet hoaxes, or I would post links to surveys which might dispute or clarify what he is saying.  He privately messaged me and asked me to no longer do this because he didn’t appreciate how I made him look bad.  I think that I have to give him some props for being intellectually honest about his intellectual dishonesty. 

In both of these cases, the issue at hand was pride.  Neither one of them could conceive that there might be another way, therefore, the problem was me – not them.

I have a friend who is transgender.  We correspond on social media and meet for coffee every couple of months to talk.  I try to listen and understand.  I have to be completely honest here – I don’t really understand.  I have no frame of reference on the struggle; it’s not mine.  Because I have known him longer than her, pronouns can be a struggle.  But, I listen.  I ask questions.  I seek understanding.

I have friends who are far-right conservatives.  I don’t agree with them on many issues, most especially immigration, government regulation, and the way we treat this planet.  I believe they’ve got some things right, especially that we need to respect and protect small businesses, those ‘rich’ people who provide most of the jobs in the U.S.  Even though we disagree, I love discussions with them, because I can learn something, and hopefully they can too.

I have friends who are far-left liberals.  I don’t agree with them on many issues, most especially the idea that it’s OK to steal from someone who has more than you do, that bigger government is the solution to all our problems, or that some groups of people still require special rights that others don’t receive. I do believe they get it right when they suggests that we need to protect our lands from pollution and when they want to help those in need.  Even though we disagree on some things, I love discussions with them too. 

I am an unabashed Christian.  I believe that Christ offers us the only hope of salvation in this world.  With that said, I have friends who are Jewish, friends who are Buddhist, friends who are atheist, and some friends who just don’t know.  Religious discussions are some of my favorite, because there are so many ideas to discuss.

None of these conversations are comfortable.  Some, in fact, get down-right uncomfortable.  Years ago, I read that our brain views attacks on our ideas by releasing the same hormones that a physical attack on our bodies causes.  We go into a similar fight or flight mode from ideas, just as we would if a guy in a hockey mask was chasing us with a chainsaw.  It’s no wonder things get uncomfortable, but who promised a life of comfort?  When the only point of view you can see is your own, it’s like placing a mirror between you and other people.  They are there, but you no longer can see them.

I am not a fence-sitter when it comes to ideas.  I have opinions, and they have generally been shaped through much thought.  I’m not always right on everthing, but hey, I’m not always wrong either.  I believe the Socratic idea that the unexamined life is not worth living.  Thus, some of my opinions have changed over years, often as a result of a healthy discussion.  Politically, I have been a registered democrat, a registered republican, and now a registered independent.  Spiritually, I have been an anti-Christian agnostic and now am a Christian pastor.  Live and learn.  Part of this growth has come from people challenging my ideas.

We have to have people who disagree with us in order to become whole people ourselves.

We need opposing ideas to keep healthy points of view. 

We must recognize that few things are truly black and white and truth is usually found somewhere in the grey middle ground.

Unfortunately, these things are harder and harder to get.  Social media, email, and other technology has made it possible to surround ourselves with homogenous points-of-view.  Facebook and Google both shift their search results and advertising based on things you have commented on, people you are connected to, and things you have previously searched for.  This can be a wonderful help when you are using the internet as it makes it faster and easier to find things that interest you. 

But, it is also a bad thing as it begins to sift out any ideas that disagree with you.  If you regularly post from the Huffington Post, you will no longer see any results, events, or advertising that suggests Republican ideas.  If you regularly disagree with President Obama, you will stop seeing any information about Democratic themes.  As a Christian, these sites filter out anything that might challenge my beliefs.  For some of people, that may sound like a good thing.  Unfortunately, causes increased partisanship and distills people to extemism.  We demonize other points of view to the point that we no longer see them as people, but as the enemy.  Just read the comments on any blog post related to political or religious ideas.  Most of those commentors no longer see the other side as humans, just as a problem to be resolved.

Just as a your average mutt of a dog is generally less susceptible to genetic diseases than a purebred, the distillation of ideas makes us unhealthy as a people and more susceptible to bad ideas and to violent disagreements, up to and including civil war.

We need people who think, believe, and look different from us.  We must share ideas, discuss concepts, and seek to bridge our divisions.  We must let down our walls of pride and separatism.  We must allow ourselves to ask the question, “What if I am wrong?”  Maybe, just maybe, the other person can help you grow while you, at the same time, challenge them to growth.  The simple truth is that we aren't always going to agree, and that is a good thing.  But we must find a way to listen to each other, to take the best ideas, and to give a little and get a little.

Let me just offer a caveat.  I once was arranging to meet an old friend who I hadn’t seen in two decades.  He noticed that I was a pastor and said that he wasn’t interested in having someone shove their religious ideas down his throat because he is open-minded and believes x, y, and z.  There was a certain irony to his statement, as well as an implied insult, but I replied to him saying, “Open-minded does not mean empty-minded.”  I was just hoping to catch up with an old friend; I wasn’t bringing a proselytizing agenda.  I did tell him, that he was welcome to leave religious discussion completely off the table, but if he wanted to talk about it, then I would be more than willing to meet challenge with challenge.  When you have a discussion with someone who is challenging your ideas, it is perfectly acceptable to politely challenge them back. 

Let’s do this thing.  If you have read this far, take this dare yourself.  Seek out someone you would normally disagree with.  Take them out for coffee and listen.  Don’t go in with a bad attitude, but a welcoming one.  Consider what truth they might have in their ideas.  Open your mind and think the issues through from their point-of-view.  Consider how to build bridges, and offer serious but polite challenges back at them.  In the end, you may still hold to a set of principles, but you might just find that your hard-line ideas are tempered by the recognition that the side has a valid point or two and that the other person is just that, a person.

Humanity would be much healthier if we could lose a lot of our pride.  We might just find that we change our prejudices.



P.S. – This is a good time to renew my ongoing offer.  If you want to have a discussion on an issue, if you have questions about my beliefs (or your beliefs for that matter), if you just want to share your story, then I invite you to join me for a cup of coffee and conversation.  Just click the Free Cup of Coffee link on the right side of the page and I’ll be glad to meet you somewhere in the valley of the sun (sorry if you are out of state, but you gotta meet me in the vicinity of Phoenix, AZ).  I’ll even buy the first cup.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Degree of Debt

College expenses are rising faster than students can pay for them.  There is no way to graduate college without a mountain of debt.  A quality education is out of the reach of most people.  These statements and others like them just aren’t true.  It’s this either/or type of thinking that gets us in so much trouble as a nation: “You EITHER get in massive debt OR you don’t get to get a quality college education.” 

The truth is, though the average college student graduates with $22,900 in Student Loan Debt1, it doesn’t have to work this way.  In the past 40 to 50 years, college has become this fantasy experience in our nation.  We have allowed it to become this all-expenses-paid right-of-passage full of alcohol, dating, parties, and entertainment (with a few classes thrown in).  That may be fun, but it is expensive.  We’ve sold a false bill-of-goods to our children and now, those who are graduating deeply in debt are struggling to pay for an education in an economy when fewer jobs are available.  They are angry, and rightly so, but their anger is somewhat misplaced if it is used only to blame Corporate America for a bad economy.  Perhaps some anger is due to themselves and poor choices that they have made and unrealistic expectations that they have built their young fantasies on.  Perhaps some anger is due their parents, teachers, and guidance counselors who sold them on the myth of the college experience. 

Let’s look at this myth a piece at a time.

#1 – Let’s be honest here.  Not everyone has to go to college.  Not only that, many people should NOT go to college.  Their study skills, life goals, and sheer desire may not be there.  Maybe they are going because they feel they have to in order to find a good job, or because their parents want them to go.  For some, a start in the work force is what is needed.  Others may consider trade schools or union trade apprenticeship.  Let’s not forget stay-at-home parents.  Financial concerns should never prevent someone from getting to college, but desire may (and should).  All too often, we tell kids they must go to college if they want to be somebody.  Many of the most accomplished entrepreneurs never went to college or dropped out without a college degree.  Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak dropped out of college.  Billy Joe McCombs of Clear Channel Mediadropped out of law school.  David Geffen of Dreamworks fame dropped out.   Walt Disney dropped out of high school.  So did Vidal Sassoon.  So did Richard Branson of Virgin Records and Ray Kroc of McDonalds.  Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay cosmetics never went to college.  Hyman Golden of Snapple fame, no college.  Frank Lloyd Wright never even went to High School.  There are hundreds of others on this list2, so let’s be honest that college isn’t required for everyone. 

#2 – working your way through college is not a bad thing.  Forget the whole ‘College Experience.’   You don’t need to spend tens of thousands of dollars to party for four years.  It is completely possible and realistic to work 30-40 hours a week and still attend 8-12 hours of classes.  Late nights? Yes.  Hard work?  Yep.  Severely curtailed dating life? Absolutely.  No one said it has to be easy.  What’s more, the value of working during your degree cannot be underestimated.  Part time jobs in food service, retail, and even janitorial are great character builders and offer an education in and of themselves.  You learn how to deal with people.  You learn how to serve others.  You learn the value of a dollar earned.  You learn a trade that will always be a valuable back up when times are hard.  I earned my way through college the first time working in fast food.  I know that I will always be able to support my family in the roughest of times.  I am not afraid of cleaning toilets and I am not ashamed of flipping burgers or washing dishes.  A waiter or waitress can make great money if they are hard workers and good at entertaining people too.  What’s more, the flexible schedule of restaurant work allows you to go to school during the day and work at nights and on weekends.

#3 – in almost every situation, going to an Out-of-state college is not worth the investment.  In-state tuition is cheaper and the ability to stay with relatives* makes it much more affordable, compared to paying exorbitant out-of-state tuition and dorm fees.  Yes, I know that every kid is itching to move away from home.  Yes, I know that Florida State University is right near the beach.  Yes, I know that every guidance counselor in high school wants you to apply at every college in the U.S.   But, the truth be known, you can get an excellent education at your State University. 

* it was pointed out to me that some states have larger rural populations that make staying with relatives an untenable proposition.  The savings on in-state tuition as well as using some of these other tips (especially number 4 below) still makes much more sense than going out of state.

#4 – You don’t have to go all four years to the same school.  Save money by taking your basics at a community college or online.  At the current schedule of fees and costs, I can take English 101 at a Maricopa county community college for $76 a credit hour.  Contrast that with taking the same class at ASU for $658 a credit hour2.  That is TEN TIMES the cost for the same class that will transfer!!!  I recommend community college for most kids as a starter for several reasons.  Financially, it is significantly more affordable.  It gives the young adult a chance to experience a wide range of classes before locking into a degree program.  And, it gives them a chance to see if college is even right for them.  The only ones that I recommend go right into a full university are those kids who have earned a full ride scholarship.  If they’ve already worked that hard, they are ready for college, and they don’t have to worry that their classes are more expensive.  I do recommend that any students starting at community college talk with an adviser from their prospective degree university to make sure that classes they choose at the community college will transfer.  The great thing about a community college is it gives you a chance to experiment.  Take 2-3 classes of basic requirements and 1 class that looks interesting as an elective.  Most students change their degree program at least once.  Attending community college first allows you to try different things before locking in, and allows you to do it at a much more affordable rate.

#5 – Scholarships are available for more than just perfect grades or football.  There are thousands of scholarships and grants available for students.  You just have to find them.  The college financial aid counselor will point you towards some of them, but others require research.  The first time I went to college in my late teens, this meant hours in the library looking through Scholarship and Grant books and then writing essay after essay.  This time, it’s all on the internet and you can often apply online.  Often, you must still include an essay, but you can copy and paste right from your MS Word document to the online form.  Much easier. 

#6 – Extra-curricular activities are just that: extra.  Unless you have a scholarship that demands your participation in a specific sport or other program, then these things are tertiary to your primary goal of getting a good education and secondary goal of paying for the degree without drowning in debt.  If you have time then you can join a sport, a club, or a fraternity or sorority.  These things may be fun, but they just aren’t what you are there for.  Not only do these things distract you from your education and waste time that is better spent elsewhere, they cost more money.  Brutal realism is required for good financial health.

#7 – Get a degree that matters.  Very few students that I have dealt with over the years in Youth Ministry have had any clue what they really want to do for a living.  Often they have these fantasy jobs and sound certain of their goals with all the assurance of youth.  Anyone who has dealt with High School and College age kids knows the truth.  What they think they want to do coming out of High School is rarely what they end up doing for a career.  General degrees in business and education prepare you for almost any career.  Get an Associates and/or Bachelors in these fields and then specialize with a Masters degree.  If you spend four years on an Art History degree, don’t be surprised if there are few jobs open when you get out of college. 

#8 – You have to earn your stripes.  The most important lesson that we, adults, can teach kids is that you must expect to work your way up from the bottom.  You have to pay your dues. When you get out of college, you just might not be able to find a job right away.  Yes, I know, the college recruiter said that you would be making $100,000 a year within six weeks of graduation and that the college will help you find that job.  Guess what… The college recruiter’s job is to get you to come to their college (and bring money with you).  They are not always so honest about what happens after college.  What’s more, they cannot control the economy.  You will probably have to start at the bottom of your degree field and earn you way up.  You may have to do jobs you don’t like to earn your way to the job you want.  You may even have to struggle in a different field for awhile till you can even get into the company you want.  Prepare for that.  Acknowledge it now and save yourself the stress.  This is another good reason NOT to get into huge college debt.  Being debt-free or mostly so upon graduation gives you time to find your niche.  This is a good reason to work your way through college.  If you can get in on the bottom floor in a field similar to or the same as you will be working in, you may find that internship or first time job that puts you ahead of the rest of the field when you get out of school.

#9 – You don’t need credit cards to get through college.  The sad truth is that most college students  graduate with student loan debt AND credit card debt.  The average college senior graduates with an additional $4,100 in credit card debt4.  That is in addition to the $20,000 plus in student loans.  Credit card companies love to come to student events and give away free Frisbees and pizza for everyone who applies for a credit card.  Students, whose parents have often spent a lifetime in debt, now sell themselves into debt slavery for a slice of pizza and a toy that they won’t even have by the time they pay the bills.

#10 – College doesn’t have to take four years.  In fact, a six year degree while you work is much more realistic and will provide you with an opportunity to gain experiences that you might not have otherwise gotten.  By working your way through a realistic class schedule, you will be able to have the flexibility to take internships, study abroad for a year, serve for a summer in a charity, or any number of other life experiences that will help you be a better, well rounded person and also impress future employers. 

The college experience myth is busted.  You can have that fantasy of fraternity parties, football games, and dating the cheerleader while going to classes, but it is going to cost you.  If you choose this fairy tale, don’t be surprised when you graduate with debt up to your ears and little prospect for financial freedom in the near future.  But, if you accept reality for what it is and are willing to put a little blood, sweat, and tears (no, not the 70s band) into your education, you can come out with something of real value at a fraction of the cost, and with the ability to earn your way to the top.  For the rest of us, the teachers, youth ministers, coaches, parents, and every other person who influences young adults: it is our duty to help these kids be realistic.  Let’s not feed them any more lies about college and debt, but give them a kick start in life by teaching them the value of hard work and an earned education.  Let us pass on the idea that the world doesn’t owe them a living and they shouldn’t expect someone else to pick up the tab for their choices. 

I am not totally hard-line against any debt.  If you have to use a little to get through your last year unpaid internship, then do what you have to do.  It is much harder to get a master’s degree debt free, but do as much as you can.  It’s just the thought of teaching our kids that debt is unavoidable, so let’s just use loans for all four years and hope that we can get a job right away to pay it all.

Finally, let us help our kids in the ways we can.  If you can financially help a kid get through college, do it.  If you can pay for a book, buy them dinner, or give them your old computer or bicycle, do it.  If you can encourage them, help them research scholarships, give them a quiet place to study, do it.  If you can help them get a part-time job where you work, or write a recommendation for their internship, do it.  If you can help with their laundry, give them a ride, or assist them with homework, do it.  Whatever happens, let’s help where we can and let’s not harm them by perpetuating myths.

As long as we believe that it isn’t possible and keep telling ourselves and our kids that, then we will continue to stick them with large amounts of debt.  But, when we quit making excuses and quit perpetuating myths, then we can change our kid’s future.





P.S. -  It’s funny, but I’ve been accused of being unrealistic and fantasizing for thinking that things can work this way.  In most cases, it is from people who don’t want to think they have made wrong choices, so they say things like, “debt is unavoidable,” or, “it’s just not possible to live debt-free.”  Yet, I know others who have taken personal responsibility and recognized that past choices do not dictate the future.  These people are paying off debt steadily and living less stressful lives.  This includes myself and my family.  I got into deep debt during my first college experience and young adult years.  After years of hard lessons and even harder work, we are almost debt free.  That is reality, not fantasy.  Invariably, the people making the excuses and saying that debt free living is a fantasy are the ones continually making the same choices that continually get them further into debt and continually cause them suffering or don’t want to be honest about their own responsibility for past choices.   Those who are brutally honest with themselves get out of trouble, those that blame others continue living in trouble.  That is my experience.  YMMV
#Occupy Yourselves

Search This Blog