RODG3R

The Coffee House Lesson

2012-01-03T17:33:00.002-07:00

Sitting at one of my favorite coffee shops a couple of weeks ago, I observed a sad phenomenon that marks our culture.
First, though, I must tell you that I love coffee shops! Sights, smells, sounds, flavor, andtexture all come together to create an environment that welcomes almostanyone. Where else can you put an overstuffed electric-blue couch next to a pair of Danish modern leather chairs? What other place has smells of coffee, chocolate, cinammon, and cardamom floating freely for your nostril's delight? How many other eating establishments allow you to nestle down in big squishy, comfy, sofa while kicking your feet up on the table? I frequent coffee shops several times a week and I love to have meetings and appointments there because the atmosphere tends to disarm people much more than sitting in THE PASTOR'S OFFICE seems to do (ominous organ music crescendoes).

That's how I found myself sitting in a local coffee house several weeks ago, waiting for an appointment with someone. I arrived early and sat there nursing my coffee and watching the people around me.

A small group of police officers sat on the patio, lounging,laughing, but also lethal, in their vests, uniforms and guns. There is an air of readiness to policeofficers, their heads on swivels, constantly aware, ever vigilant. One of theofficers is clearly ‘The Old Guy,’ shaved head, grizzled squint to his eyes,and clearly the center of attention from the other three. Two of the others have been cops for awhile,aware of their surroundings, confident and experienced, but comfortable. The last guy is plainly the new guy. In all the cop shows, he is ‘The Rookie,’still possessing an eagerness and shininess that is noticeable to anyone wholooks. The new-cop smell still hasn’tworn off yet. These guys have a long andranging conversation, but no one sits anywhere near them.

A gaggle of large women come in, clearly secretaries orother anonymous office personnel. Thethree could be sisters, all pale and pudgy. Non-stop prattle emanates from them as they gossip about the other womenat the office. I’m not sure who Susan is, but if they areright, then she probably shouldn’t be doing that with their boss. I don’t think these women like her verymuch. After getting their coffees andpastries, they move off to a table and sit together in a cloud of perfume andjudgment.

Near their table is a pretty young co-ed, listening to heriPod and lackadaisically surfing the internet on her laptop. She looks very, very sad: the kind of sadwhere her eyes seemed to have tears ready, waiting for the slightest motivationto fall. I wonder what her story is, butI don’t ask. A young college age boysits directly behind her, also surfing the web and listening to his iPod. Maybeif they both got out of their data-driven isolation cells, they might havesomething in common and maybe she wouldn’t be so sad.

Behind me are two men speaking in rapid fire Spanish. I catch snippets of family life and storiesabout their students. It sounds likethey are both teachers. They have similarcomplaints to those of my English-speaking teacher friends.

Looking over, I see that the cops have left, only to bereplaced by a young girl in her teens with hair a shade of red that doesn’toccur naturally. She sits next to herheavily pierced friend. Both girls are busilytexting, but occasionally break their silence to comment to each other whilepointing to something amusing on their phone. It appears that they are texting each other and at least one thirdparty, but they don’t speak much to each other in person, just inside theirelectronic realm.

A large man in an even larger cowboy hat pulls up afootstool to sit and talk to an even larger man in a camouflage trucker’shat. Cowboy Hat guy is wearing shortsand sandals, and looks like he could do some damage to a horse if he sat on it,so I’m pretty sure he really isn’t a cowboy. Cowboy Hat and Trucker Hat get into a heated discussion about politics,but take periodic breaks to glance over lasciviously at the sad youngco-ed. They ignore the business mansitting next to them in a suit as he talks too loud and too fast on his cellphone, gesturing passionately as if the person on the other end of the linecould see him. He keeps checking out thesad, pretty girl periodically too.

A black guy with shoulder length dreadlocks brings his bikeinside and orders coffee. I think tomyself wistfully that I wish I could pull off the dreadlock look. It justwouldn’t look nearly as cool on an overweight white guy as it does on a buffblack dude. He looks around the roombriefly, and then leaves with his coffee and bike.

All of these people come together in the same place, broughttogether by coffee. There’s little elseto connect them otherwise.

I find myself saddened that each one sits alone, or onlywith those that are very much like them. In all this diversity, I can only find homogeny. I don’t want to surround myself with peoplewho are exactly like me; who look, act, think, believe, and talk just likeme. And.. I don’t want to be alone in a2-dimensional, online world that exists outside of reality, either. I want to strike up a conversation with eachof them, to find out their individual, poignant, funny, sad, and hopefulstories. I find myself wondering whysomeone would choose a gray existence of mirrored personalities over the richtapestry of real people around them.

Life is real, and it is short. Let’s get out there and make it exciting. Let’s not just live lives in proximity toeach other, but let’s actually live our lives side-by-side with eachother. Let’s hold conversations withpeople who look strange to us (because we probably look weird to them). Let’s talk about our experiences, ourbeliefs, and our ideas, withholding judgment for a time, and seeking to findcommonality and even growth by the exposure to thoughts we’ve never considered. If you’ve read this far, I dare you to go tothe local coffee shop and strike up a conversation. Ask someone who looks interesting what theirstory is. Buy a cup of coffee forsomeone and find out what they believe. Say, “Hi,” and smile at those around you and ask them how their dayis. Then, sit back and hold on tight asyour horizons are broadened and your life gets far more interesting.

Beautiful

2011-12-14T10:41:00.002-07:00

We stood as a small group in a parking garage outside of thelecture hall, getting ready to head off for discussion groups. 14 teenagers, a close female friend as anadult sponsor and myself. In moments, Iwas going to have my heart broken in a way I could never have anticipated, butI didn’t know it yet.

I had the kids stand in a circle while I was trying togather my thoughts on what to say. Wehad just come out of a summer camp session for high schoolers that talked aboutthe cultural and personal issues of sexuality by Craig and Jason of XXX Church and had been instructed to meetbriefly to talk as a group and then to split by gender and have a more personaldiscussion on these issues. It had been a powerful session that hadtaught me something. I had alwaysthought that pornography was predominantly a male issue. Though it is the subject of jokes andlighthearted acceptance in our culture at large, the truth is, it consumes thelives of many men, breaks their marriages, and is very destructive in amultitude of ways.

But, here was something I hadn’t realized. What Craig and Jason pointed out was that theoverall culture of pornography also is destructive to the women in our lives. They asked the question, “Why is it that whenyou look at almost any men’s magazine, there is a beautiful half-naked woman onthe front? And, why is it that when youlook at almost any women’s magazine, you see the same thing?” Not even discussing magazines such asPenthouse or Hustler, but Swimsuit Issues, FHM, Maxim, and the like. And women’s magazines such as 17, Vogue. There is a message of perfect beauty thatpervades our culture and it affects the self esteem of our young girls.

Back in the parking garage, I recognized the truth of theirmessage, or at least I thought I did. But, it was about to be brought home in a powerful and painful way.

I asked the kids to look around at each other and then Isaid, “These are your brothers and sisters. Girls, look at these guys. Everysingle one of them struggles with these issues. They deal with lust and temptation on a daily basis and it affects howthey look at women and how they look at themselves, and it’s a very realstruggle in each of their lives.” Thekids looked at each other with some discomfort, but the moment passed and theywaited for what else I had to say.

Then, I said, “Guys, look around you at these girls. Each and every one of them struggles withtheir self-value in some way. Theywonder if they are pretty enough, smart enough, or valuable enough to beloved. They envy other girls for theirbeauty while they secretly doubt themselves.”

That’s when it happened. I thought I had understood the issue. I had worked with teens for almost a decade and had a young daughter ofmy own, but I didn’t really understand.

When I had finished my statement I saw every single one ofthose girls, including the adult sponsor get the most heartbreaking look ontheir faces and look quickly down at the ground. Tears ran down several of their faces.

My words had struck home in a deeply personal way that wasshattering.

My own eyes teared up as I looked upon these girls who Icared so much about. I had known most ofthem since they were small children, including the adult sponsor. Now, every single one of these girls wasbeautiful and every single one didn’t believe it. I don’t say they were beautiful, “justbecause I was their youth minister and I was supposed to say that kind of thing;” it’s true, every one of thoseyoung women were physically beautiful. There wasn’t one who wasn’t pretty. Very pretty. What’s more, I knewevery single one of them, and each was a beautiful person inside too. They were my friends, they were my students,and I loved them as if they were my own daughters.

Yet, here they were broken to their very core by the messageof value that our culture had put on them. These lovely young ladies, each and every one, wondered if they wereloveable. It’s not enough to say that myheart was broken for them… It was torn with grief that they would have to fightthis battle.

As instructed, we broke into two separate groups, male andfemale, to have our discussions. Iwalked quickly ahead of the guys to the room where we were going to talk, sothey wouldn’t see how much this had shaken me. I needed time to gather my thoughts before I spoke again.

I have often discussed the issue of pornography with guys. I truly believe that puberty is a much worseexperience for guys than girls. Everything that happens to guys is in secretand it is culturally surrounded with shame. Every guy at some point feels like a dirty little pervert and wonders ifthere is something wrong with him, because other guys don’t seem to have theseissues. Even in a culture that is now seemsaccepting of pornography, there is still an underlying message that you aresick if you look at it.

But, the pictures and advertising that pervades our media,magazines, movies, and music are destructive to our young women. Airbrushing, makeup, special lighting and Photoshop,along with the selection of only a certain female models who meet a narrow setof criteria, leads us to a standard of beauty that is all but impossible tomeet in the real world. I once heard aquote from a supermodel where she said, “We are freaks of nature.” Years ago, we had a young girl in our youthgroup who was a model. She did runwayshows and fashion modeling. Let me tellyou, she was gorgeous even as a teen. Tall, thin, long hair, and perfect skin… Amazing physical beauty. When I saw here again a few years later, Ifound out she was no longer modeling. Why? They told her that she was too fat!!!!!!! She looked no different to me, most womenwould envy her figure, yet she wasn’t ‘perfect’ enough for the modelingworld.

Dove (the soap company) has a drive to change this. In their Campaign for Real Beauty, they havecreated videos that show the reality of women inadvertising and the painfultruth of how this affects our girls. (Fair warning, the second video isvery sad)

There is a cartoonthat I have seen several times posted on the internet. The caption says, “The difference between menand women.” It shows two panels. Oneshows a girl looking in a mirror and the other shows a guy looking in themirror. The guy is overweight and bald,but looks in the mirror and sees himself like Charles Atlas. The girl is curvy and attractive, but in themirror, sees this dumpy ugly woman. Thereis so much truth here, it hurts.

What saddens me the most is that I see this message beingeaten up by my own preteen daughter and her young friends. I hear them talk about diets and exercise,not because they want to be healthy, but because they think they are fat. It makes me want to go have an angry andquite violent encounter with the editors of every fashion magazine inexistence.

It’s time to dump these ideas as a culture. They don’t work, and they are spiritually andemotionally (and sometimes physically) destructive to our daughters….

And our wives and mothers too. Our culture values youth and discards theaged. I love the scene in the movie, “AFamily Thing” where Robert Duvall is looking at old family pictures and says tothe Grandma, “You were very pretty back then,” and Grandma replies, “There ain’tnothing wrong with the way I look now.” But, even our adult women are sucked into this twisted culture of youthand beauty. Liposuction, plasticsurgery, and fad diets are the way of life for many of our adult women.

Let’s never spend another dime on one of thesemagazines. Let’s turn the channel whenshows like Top Model come on. Let’s sendthe message to our girls that it’s good to be healthy and fit, but it’s nothealthy to obsess about appearance.

The cultural idea of beauty has changed over time. Sometimes it has been healthy, other times destructive. The 1911 Swimsuit Issue would have looked VERY different from the 2011 one! Let's change this culture's idea of beauty. Let’s send the message to the girls in our lives that theyARE beautiful as they are.

Let’s work for the day when another youth minister isstanding in a parking garage looking at his group of kids, saying, “You won’tbelieve this, but many years ago, our society used to believe that a woman’svalue was in her physical beauty.” Ihope he never has to see the looks on his girls faces that I saw.

Tall or short.

Curvy or thin.

Black, White, Brown, Yellow, or Red.

Long straight hair or kinky afro.

Blonde, brunette, or redhead.

Young or old.

You are beautiful, just as God created you.

---------

P.S. To all of you girls that were there in the parking garage that day, you were beautiful then and you are still beautiful today.

Long Before I Tell You

2011-12-01T09:49:00.001-07:00

I am a follower of Jesus.

Don’t assume you understand

what that means.

It saddens me that

you probably don’t know at all.

Even more heartbreaking,

I know you just got a picture

in your mind that looks very different

from what a follow of Jesus is.

There are far too many people

that you’ve met,

and heard, and seen,

who say they are Christian,

but don’t follow his way.

“Feed the hungry,” Jesus says.

“Getthem off welfare,” they reply.

“Give your money to the poor,” he tells therich young man

“Well,he didn’t mean me,” they explain away

“Turn the other cheek, and love your enemies”he teaches

“I’llget even,” they respond at work,

and“torture the bastards”

theysay of ‘enemy combatants’

“Invite the stranger in,” Christ requires of us,

buttheir reply is, “What part of illegal don’t you understand?”

“Render unto Caesar,” he spoke,

“He’snot my president, I hate him,” they proudly proclaim.

“I don’t condemn you,” he told the woman,

“You’regoing to burn in Hell!” their sign says.

He says that his followers

will be known by their love,

but these ones have no compassion

and forgiveness isn’t there

even for others who they claim to be their brothers.

He tells them, “follow me” and to leave

the things of this world behind,

but they bring an American flag and

their political party too,

as if the Kingdom of God

is split into two.

“He’smy Lord, my very brother

as I’m a child of God,” they declare

while forgetting his words, “My brothers arethose

who hear God's word

and put it into practice.”

Jesus gave love and compassion

to the hurting and lost

and he gave nothing but contempt and rebuke

to pompous religious fools

who professed to follow God,

but crushed others with their pride

and judgment and deceit.

What of those today who claim him as theirown

but condemn others and live as hypocrites.

I don’t know how they mixed up the messages,

the words are right there

in millions of copied pages.

They don’t know his words

and don’t do his works,

but unfortunately,

arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand

just as the songwriter said.

Why are the worst examples always the loudestones?

I’m sorry that those are the ones you see onthe news,

the ones who preach at you at work,

the ones who condemn you for your sins

while conveniently ignoring their own.

Please know, there are others,

many more than you realize:

the quiet ones who listen,

the faithful who follow,

the busy ones who act,

the selfless ones who serve,

the ones who take his word seriously,

and do his works generously,

who live justly,

and who love mercy,

who walk humbly with their Lord.

Watch for them, they are there,

and ignore the ones who talk

but don’t bother to walk.

Don’t assume that you know what a Christianis

because you’ve seen those others.

A person can claim anything they want,

but you can see right through.

Jesus said you’ll know a person by theirfruit

just as you can tell a tree by what it bears;

if their fruit is condescension,

self-righteous judging and rage,

they aren’t bearing the truth

and don’t know his message,

but if their fruit is love and joy and peace,

patience, kindness, and goodness,

faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control -

well, that’s the right kind of tree

and a message you can believe.

Judge his message by

his followers who really live out theirfaith,

who serve you and not hurt you

who love you and not hate you

who tell you truth gently and not hate-filledrhetoric

who earn the right to be heard and do notdemand it

who are selfless and not selfish

who are like Jesus

and not like those others you've seen.

I am a follower of Jesus,

and I hope you can see him in my life

long before I tell you

I am a follower of him.

Ten Little Indians

2011-11-29T16:44:00.001-07:00

The drums start pounding in the distance. The rhythm begins building as the chiefraises his arms to the sky. The warrior-dancersstride boldly in, their warpaint fierce, their faces determined; this is theirmoment. Concentration fills their facesas the wailing music starts and they began to dance around, mimicking theelements of fire, water, earth and air. They dance with abandon to celebrate the joy of a harvest, to givethanks for the food they will eat. Flashesof light strobe across the scene and voices began to call.

“Look this way, honey.”

“You’re doing great.”

“Keep dancing, buddy, follow the teacher.”

We parents watched our little preschoolers perform for theschool’s Thanksgiving feast. Our tenlittle Indians were dancing around a fire made of construction paper andcardboard tubes with a tipi made of window blind pieces standing in thebackground. Paper headbands held pink and yellow feathers and tinkling bellswere tied around their ankles.

It was probably as politically incorrect as you can get nowdays and someone, somewhere is probably offended. Of course, that someone, somewhere is alwaysoffended about something. Yes, we knowthe Native Americans of the East Coast tribes who encountered the pilgrims didn’tlive in tipis. Yes, the second song wassung in Spanish, not the language of the Wampanoag. Yes, the pilgrims arguably brought a newculture that brought change to another culture.

But, the kid’s celebration of Thanksgiving was enthusiasticand warmed everyone’s heart. As far as political correctness goes, they were prettydiverse. We had White Indians, Black Indians,Hispanic Indians and even an Asian Indian Indian bridging two very differentcultures who share a name. Her big browneyes would melt anyone’s heart, so I’m pretty sure it made everything OK.

Sometimes an Indian is really an Indian and sometimes, she’sfrom India. Sometimes a tipi is a homefor plains dwelling Native Americans, and sometimes it is a butcher paper andwindow blind structure for ambience. Sometimes a drama is for teaching history, and sometimes it is justperforming for parents.

Here’s to all those who fuss and bother about titles andproper names for things, for those who insist on the correct version of historyand those who are so tolerant that they are intolerant of anyone who doesn’tagree with them. Relax.

Let’s put aside politics for awhile and just enjoy watchingthe kids. They don’t care about any ofthat anyway, they just want to dance for their parents.

Happy Holidays.

What is the Christian Response to Abortion?

2011-11-14T16:33:00.001-07:00

I was invited to serve my time on the picket line a fewweeks ago. Two ladies stopped in myoffice to discuss the possibility of my church joining in the protest of alocal practitioner who performs the only private abortions in the state. I listened politely and accepted theirliterature, but then respectfully told them, ‘No.’

I don’t like abortion. Let’s be clear about that. Ithink it is a positively awful and generally selfish choice that almost alwaysarises out of poor life decisions. Though the debate often moves to questions like, “What if the pregnancyis because of incest or rape,” I believe this is the exception and not therule. With more forethought and more focuspersonal responsibility instead of demanding personal rights, there would beless need for abortions in this country. Please understand, if you are a woman who has had an abortion, I do notcondemn you for it, but my heart breaks for the situation. I would never turn away someone who has chosenor is considering abortion, especially in those exception cases.

I also do not like abortion protests. By and large, they are obnoxious and sofocused on this one issue, that they lose sight of all other humanity. It doesn’t take much of a leap to go fromcharges of murder to feeling obligated to do anything in your power to preventthe murder. Thus we get shootings ofabortion doctors and bombings of their centers. Even those who do not turn to violence, often turn to violent language,graphic pictures, and intimidating tactics. Violence, hatred, and intimidation are NOT worthy of Jesus and are completely unacceptable from anyone who claims to follow him. I just cannot picture Jesus yelling epithets through a megaphone at a scared young girl.

During college, members of my class were assigned to visit aPlanned Parenthood and ask questions. Toenter the center nearest me, I had to go through a heavy steel door with anarmored peephole that looked like it was out of a bank vault. The inside lobby was small and thereceptionist window had that thick bulletproof glass that you see incheck-cashing businesses. The interiordoor to the counselors and patient rooms was also armored and you had topresent I.D. and wait to be buzzed through. I was saddened that those doctors, nurses, and counselors were in anarmed camp, predominantly out of fear of people who call themselvesChristians. That’s not how it should be.

The ladies who invited our church to join them in this currentprotest promised me that the signs would be about love and would, in fact, say,“We Love You, Choose Life.” They told me the protest would be all about lettingthe doctor and patients know that we loved them and that there would be nographic pictures of aborted fetuses. Istill am concerned. Who controls whatgoes on these signs? Who controls whogets to be there protesting? Even themost peaceful protests tend to draw the fringe elements, and that bringsdanger.

I believe that the Christian response to abortion is notprotest, but Adoption. My challenge toany and every protestor who would walk in front of an abortion doctor’s office,is this: “How many children have you adopted?” For every pastor, teacher, or blogger who has written and spoken on thesubject of abortion, I would ask, “How many young girls have you provided forso they can have a baby and put it up for adoption?”

I don’t know that holding a sign has ever changed a singleperson’s mind. I do know that a lovingoffer to adopt has. I do know thatgiving a woman information can make an incredible difference (yet PlannedParenthood consistently stands against any requirement for this). I also know that groups like Crisis PregnancyCenters do an incredible job offering counseling, connecting women withadoption agencies, offering financial assistance, and walking with a pregnantwoman through a tough time. They evenoffer post-abortion counseling for free, if a woman chooses that route.

I am a believer in putting your money and your action whereyour mouth is. Period. If you cannot stand up, please shut up.

Here are the stats.

· According to the National Abortion Federation’swebsite (a pro-choice group), there are approximately 1.3million unwanted pregnancies inthe United States each year.

· Accordingto Religion Facts, there are approximately 159 million Christians in the UnitedStates.

· There are already as many as a half a millionpeople seeking to adopt children at any given time in the United States and asmany as 1.58 million who have taken steps to look into adoption according toAdoption.com.

· There are around 127,000 children awaitingadoption in foster care right now, according to the Adoption Institute.

· Fertility Treatments can cost upward of $12,000per cycle with the average spent on In Vitro Fertilization in the U.S. of$100,000 per baby born! $4 billiondollars a year is spent on assisted reproduction in the U.S.

· The average cost of a foster adoption is $5,000with domestic adoptions costing around $10,000 and international adoptionsrunning from $25,000 - $35,000 according to the Adoption Guide. Note – there are tax credits and grants foradoption that alleviate some of this.

The simple truth here is, if every church in the U.S. tookthis idea seriously, there would be little or nothing left to protestabout. There are just over 12 times asmany Christians as there are abortions. There should be enough families to adopt every available baby. If churches and families took the calling toadoption seriously, there would be millions of families available to adopt andmillions of others available to support the families in those adoptions. Imagine if the money spent on fertilitytreatments were spent towards adopting unwanted babies and children. Imagine if churches stepped up and committedto adopting every child available AND supporting those families that wentthrough with adoptions.

A pastor friend of mine and his wife* shared how theyadopted a little baby girl and then ten months later had the opportunity toadopt twin newborn boys. It took littlethought for them to say, ‘Yes.’ Theysaid it was so hard taking care of three little babies, two of whom werepreemies, that they remembered little about that first year. What they did share was that the women of theirchurch brought them dinners every night for six months and then continued toregularly drop off food for months after that. They also had church members who came over and watched the babiesperiodically so they could get a break. Now, that’s how it should work!

When we adopted my oldest daughter, we experienced the samething. Church members organized mealsfor us. They dropped off gifts of babyclothing, formula, food for the family, and many other things. I don’t think we bought a single diaper forthe first year! They helped us withbabysitting, and even just coming to visit.

That’s how it’s supposed to work. Christian community is an amazing thing; it's much more powerful than any sign.

I am not suggesting that this would stop all abortions, butI do suggest that it could be an amazing, life-changing experience for everyoneinvolved: the woman facing an unwanted pregnancy, the precious child, theadoptive family, and the church as a whole. I know so many adoptive families and in every single case, theexperience has been a hard one, but a healthy one. The love these families and childrenexperience overflows on those around them.

My wife and I have had a wonderful experience with adoptionand intend to adopt more children in the future. I invite every Christian family to step upand either open your lives up to adopt a child, or open your pocket book up tosupport adoption.

Love is a powerful thing. I believe it is infinitely more powerful whenit is taken off of signs and put into action.

* Note: My Pastor friend doesparticipate in the protest at that site, holding a sign that says, ‘We loveyou, choose life.’ He has adoptedseveral children; he has earned the right to hold a sign.

If you are a familylooking to adopt, may I recommend Christian Family Care Agency at www.cfcare.org ((602) 234-1935 or Arizona BaptistChildren’s Services at www.abcs.org (623)349-2227

If you can contributeto adoption, please consider making a donation to http://www.cfcare.org/donate/ or to http://www.choicesaz.org/.

If you are a womanexperiencing an unwanted pregnancy, may I suggest you contact the local CrisisPregnancy Center. In Phoenix, you canfind them at www.choicesaz.org or by calling them at (602) 393-7501. All assistance is free, fair, andconfidential.

If you are a woman whohas had an abortion and would like to talk to someone, they also offer freecounseling.

Other services offeredby Crisis Pregnancy Centers include:

· Pregnancytesting

· STDTesting

· Physicianor Nurse Consultation

· Crisiscounseling

· Counselingfor parents, boyfriends, and husbands

· Adoptioncounseling

· Adoptionreferral

· Housingreferrals

· Childbirthclasses

· Parentingclasses

· Abortionrecovery

· Ultrasounds

Another option is Hope House http://womenscpc.org/#/hope-house-maternity-home/4552859533 located in Showlow, Az. It may be a drive from Phoenix, but theyoffer an actual maternity home.

Pride and Prejudice

2011-11-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

I am a racist and very prejudiced; I hate people who aredifferent from me. At least, that’s whatthe writer of a recent email accused me of. He was kind about it, suggesting it in an oblique way, couching it inthe nicest terms possible; but it sure didn’t feel very nice. I was so hurt and angry, that I had to kickin my personal safety rule about email. Never respond by email when you are mad. It actually took me four attempts at re-writing my response, in order tocalm down and be a peacemaker instead of firing back an accusatory and sarcasticresponse in the same character as his original email.

The story behind it is very long, but the short version isthat we disagreed on how to help the homeless. Our church and several other churches, charities, and ministries wereasked by the Phoenix Police to assist them by feeding the homeless at adifferent location than the city park. The location is a short walk away from the park, has a gymnasium andkitchen and helps resolve issues of the neighborhood families who would like totake their kids to the park without having to see people defecating near theirpicnic (actual event) or having pedophiles preying on their kids (two actualevents). The homeless are still allowedto use the park, they just cannot camp there and the many groups who feed themare asked to move to this ministry other location that is a mile away. We agreed to work with the police and theneighborhoods, this other group did not. We are still feeding the homeless and, what’s more, helping some to getoff the street, into housing, and back to work (4 in the last month). Even cooler, we are able to get dozens ofministries and charities to work together, pooling our resources and thus doingmore than any one of us could alone.

I offered to meet with the fellow who emailed me andtalk. I offered to listen and provideanswers if he needed. I thought thatperhaps he misunderstood. He wasn’tinterested in talking with someone he doesn’t agree with. He missed the irony of his own email, as muchof his problem was based on his own prejudiced assumptions about me that henever bothered to clarify.

I have a friend on Facebook who likes to spout strongopinions on political issues. (actually,I have several like that). This one, in particular, regularlyreposted half-truths about the opposing party, internet rumors, and false statisticsto back up his point. I used to postresponses to his comments on a regular basis, asking questions, positing adifferent point-of-view, or posting links to Snopes.com and factcheck.org whenhe posted things that were internet hoaxes, or I would post links to surveyswhich might dispute or clarify what he is saying. He privately messaged me and asked me to nolonger do this because he didn’t appreciate how I made himlook bad. I think that I have to givehim some props for being intellectually honest about his intellectualdishonesty.

In both of these cases, the issue at hand was pride. Neither one of them could conceive that theremight be another way, therefore, the problem was me – not them.

I have a friend who is transgender. We correspond on social media and meet forcoffee every couple of months to talk. Itry to listen and understand. I have tobe completely honest here – I don’t really understand. I have no frame of reference on the struggle;it’s not mine. Because I have known himlonger than her, pronouns can be a struggle. But, I listen. I ask questions. I seek understanding.

I have friends who are far-right conservatives. I don’t agree with them on many issues, mostespecially immigration, government regulation, and the way we treat thisplanet. I believe they’ve got somethings right, especially that we need to respect and protect small businesses,those ‘rich’ people who provide most of the jobs in the U.S. Even though we disagree, I love discussionswith them, because I can learn something, and hopefully they can too.

I have friends who are far-left liberals. I don’t agree with them on many issues, mostespecially the idea that it’s OK to steal from someone who has more than you do,that bigger government is the solution to all our problems, or that some groupsof people still require special rights that others don’t receive. I do believethey get it right when they suggests that we need to protect our lands frompollution and when they want to help those in need. Even though we disagree on some things, Ilove discussions with them too.

I am an unabashed Christian. I believe that Christ offers us the only hope of salvation in thisworld. With that said, I have friendswho are Jewish, friends who are Buddhist, friends who are atheist, and somefriends who just don’t know. Religiousdiscussions are some of my favorite, because there are so many ideas todiscuss.

None of these conversations are comfortable. Some, in fact, get down-rightuncomfortable. Years ago, I read that ourbrain views attacks on our ideas by releasing the same hormones that a physicalattack on our bodies causes. We go into asimilar fight or flight mode from ideas, just as we would if a guy in a hockeymask was chasing us with a chainsaw. It’sno wonder things get uncomfortable, but who promised a life of comfort? When the only point of view you can see isyour own, it’s like placing a mirror between you and other people. They are there, but you no longer can seethem.

I am not a fence-sitter when it comes to ideas. I have opinions, and they have generally beenshaped through much thought. I’m not alwaysright on everthing, but hey, I’m not always wrong either. I believe the Socratic idea that theunexamined life is not worth living. Thus, some of my opinions have changed over years, often as a result ofa healthy discussion. Politically, Ihave been a registered democrat, a registered republican, and now a registeredindependent. Spiritually, I have been ananti-Christian agnostic and now am a Christian pastor. Live and learn. Part of this growth has come from peoplechallenging my ideas.

We have to have people who disagree with us in order tobecome whole people ourselves.

We need opposing ideas to keep healthy points of view.

We must recognize that few things are truly black and whiteand truth is usually found somewhere in the grey middle ground.

Unfortunately, these things are harder and harder toget. Social media, email, and othertechnology has made it possible to surround ourselves with homogenouspoints-of-view. Facebook and Google bothshift their search results and advertising based on things you have commentedon, people you are connected to, and things you have previously searchedfor. This can be a wonderful help whenyou are using the internet as it makes it faster and easier to find things thatinterest you.

But, it is also a bad thing as it begins to sift out anyideas that disagree with you. If youregularly post from the Huffington Post, you will no longer see any results,events, or advertising that suggests Republican ideas. If you regularly disagree with PresidentObama, you will stop seeing any information about Democratic themes. As a Christian, these sites filter outanything that might challenge my beliefs. For some of people, that may sound like a good thing. Unfortunately, causes increased partisanshipand distills people to extemism. Wedemonize other points of view to the point that we no longer see them aspeople, but as the enemy. Just read thecomments on any blog post related to political or religious ideas. Most of those commentors no longer see theother side as humans, just as a problem to be resolved.

Just as a your average mutt of a dog is generally lesssusceptible to genetic diseases than a purebred, the distillation of ideasmakes us unhealthy as a people and more susceptible to bad ideas and to violentdisagreements, up to and including civil war.

We need people who think, believe, and look different fromus. We must share ideas, discussconcepts, and seek to bridge our divisions. We must let down our walls of pride and separatism. We must allow ourselves to ask the question, “Whatif I am wrong?” Maybe, just maybe, theother person can help you grow while you, at the same time, challenge them togrowth. The simple truth is that we aren't always going to agree, and that is a good thing. But we must find a way to listen to each other, to take the best ideas, and to give a little and get a little.

Let me just offer a caveat. I once was arranging to meet an old friend who I hadn’t seen in twodecades. He noticed that I was a pastorand said that he wasn’t interested in having someone shove their religiousideas down his throat because he is open-minded and believes x, y, and z. There was a certain irony to his statement,as well as an implied insult, but I replied to him saying, “Open-minded doesnot mean empty-minded.” I was justhoping to catch up with an old friend; I wasn’t bringing a proselytizingagenda. I did tell him, that he waswelcome to leave religious discussion completely off the table, but if hewanted to talk about it, then I would be more than willing to meet challenge withchallenge. When you have a discussionwith someone who is challenging your ideas, it is perfectly acceptable topolitely challenge them back.

Let’s do this thing. If you have read this far, take this dare yourself. Seek out someone you would normally disagreewith. Take them out for coffee andlisten. Don’t go in with a bad attitude,but a welcoming one. Consider what truththey might have in their ideas. Openyour mind and think the issues through from their point-of-view. Consider how to build bridges, and offerserious but polite challenges back at them. In the end, you may still hold to a set of principles, but you mightjust find that your hard-line ideas are tempered by the recognition that theside has a valid point or two and that the other person is just that, a person.

Humanity would be much healthier if we could lose a lot ofour pride. We might just find that wechange our prejudices.

P.S. – This is a goodtime to renew my ongoing offer. If youwant to have a discussion on an issue, if you have questions about my beliefs(or your beliefs for that matter), if you just want to share your story, then Iinvite you to join me for a cup of coffee and conversation. Just click the Free Cup of Coffee link on theright side of the page and I’ll be glad to meet you somewhere in the valley ofthe sun (sorry if you are out of state, but you gotta meet me in the vicinityof Phoenix, AZ). I’ll even buy the firstcup.

Degree of Debt

2011-11-02T14:07:00.000-07:00

College expenses are rising faster than students can pay forthem. There is no way to graduatecollege without a mountain of debt. Aquality education is out of the reach of most people. These statements and others like them justaren’t true. It’s this either/or type ofthinking that gets us in so much trouble as a nation: “You EITHER get inmassive debt OR you don’t get to get a quality college education.”

The truth is, though the average college student graduateswith $22,900 in Student Loan Debt¹,it doesn’t have to work this way. In thepast 40 to 50 years, college has become this fantasy experience in ournation. We have allowed it to becomethis all-expenses-paid right-of-passage full of alcohol, dating, parties, andentertainment (with a few classes thrown in). That may be fun, but it is expensive. We’ve sold a false bill-of-goods to our children and now, those who aregraduating deeply in debt are struggling to pay for an education in an economywhen fewer jobs are available. They areangry, and rightly so, but their anger is somewhat misplaced if it is used onlyto blame Corporate America for a bad economy. Perhaps some anger is due to themselves and poor choices that they havemade and unrealistic expectations that they have built their young fantasieson. Perhaps some anger is due theirparents, teachers, and guidance counselors who sold them on the myth of thecollege experience.

Let’s look at this myth a piece at a time.

#1 – Let’s be honest here. Not everyone has to go to college. Not only that, many people should NOT go to college. Their study skills, life goals, and sheer desiremay not be there. Maybe they are goingbecause they feel they have to in order to find a good job, or because theirparents want them to go. For some, astart in the work force is what is needed. Others may consider trade schools or union trade apprenticeship. Let’s not forget stay-at-home parents. Financial concerns should never preventsomeone from getting to college, but desire may (and should). All too often, we tell kids they must go tocollege if they want to be somebody. Many of the most accomplished entrepreneurs never went to college ordropped out without a college degree. Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak dropped out of college. Billy Joe McCombs of Clear ChannelMediadropped out of law school. DavidGeffen of Dreamworks fame dropped out. Walt Disney dropped out of high school. So did Vidal Sassoon. So didRichard Branson of Virgin Records and Ray Kroc of McDonalds. Mary Kay Ash of Mary Kay cosmetics never wentto college. Hyman Golden of Snapplefame, no college. Frank Lloyd Wrightnever even went to High School. Thereare hundreds of others on this list²,so let’s be honest that college isn’t required for everyone.

#2 – working your way through college is not a badthing. Forget the whole ‘CollegeExperience.’ You don’t need to spendtens of thousands of dollars to party for four years. It is completely possible and realistic towork 30-40 hours a week and still attend 8-12 hours of classes. Late nights? Yes. Hard work? Yep. Severely curtailed datinglife? Absolutely. No one said it has tobe easy. What’s more, the value ofworking during your degree cannot be underestimated. Part time jobs in food service, retail, andeven janitorial are great character builders and offer an education in and ofthemselves. You learn how to deal withpeople. You learn how to serveothers. You learn the value of a dollarearned. You learn a trade that willalways be a valuable back up when times are hard. I earned my way through college the firsttime working in fast food. I know that Iwill always be able to support my family in the roughest of times. I am not afraid of cleaning toilets and I amnot ashamed of flipping burgers or washing dishes. A waiter or waitress can make great money ifthey are hard workers and good at entertaining people too. What’s more, the flexible schedule ofrestaurant work allows you to go to school during the day and work at nightsand on weekends.

#3 – in almost every situation, going to an Out-of-statecollege is not worth the investment. In-state tuition is cheaper and the ability to stay with relatives*makes it much more affordable, compared to paying exorbitant out-of-statetuition and dorm fees. Yes, I know thatevery kid is itching to move away from home. Yes, I know that Florida State University is right near the beach. Yes, I know that every guidance counselor inhigh school wants you to apply at every college in the U.S. But, the truth be known, you can get anexcellent education at your State University.

* it waspointed out to me that some states have larger rural populations that makestaying with relatives an untenable proposition. The savings on in-state tuition as well asusing some of these other tips (especially number 4 below) still makes muchmore sense than going out of state.

#4 – You don’t have to go all four years to the sameschool. Save money by taking your basicsat a community college or online. At thecurrent schedule of fees and costs, I can take English 101 at a Maricopa countycommunity college for $76 a credit hour. Contrast that with taking the same class at ASU for $658 a credit hour². That is TEN TIMES the cost for the same classthat will transfer!!! I recommendcommunity college for most kids as a starter for several reasons. Financially, it is significantly moreaffordable. It gives the young adult achance to experience a wide range of classes before locking into a degreeprogram. And, it gives them a chance tosee if college is even right for them. The only ones that I recommend go right into a full university are thosekids who have earned a full ride scholarship. If they’ve already worked that hard, they are ready for college, andthey don’t have to worry that their classes are more expensive. I do recommend that any students starting atcommunity college talk with an adviser from their prospective degree universityto make sure that classes they choose at the community college willtransfer. The great thing about acommunity college is it gives you a chance to experiment. Take 2-3 classes of basic requirements and 1class that looks interesting as an elective. Most students change their degree program at least once. Attending community college first allows youto try different things before locking in, and allows you to do it at a muchmore affordable rate.

#5 – Scholarships are available for more than just perfectgrades or football. There are thousandsof scholarships and grants available for students. You just have to find them. The college financial aid counselor willpoint you towards some of them, but others require research. The first time I went to college in my lateteens, this meant hours in the library looking through Scholarship and Grantbooks and then writing essay after essay. This time, it’s all on the internet and you can often apply online. Often, you must still include an essay, butyou can copy and paste right from your MS Word document to the onlineform. Much easier.

#6 – Extra-curricular activities are just that: extra. Unless you have a scholarship that demandsyour participation in a specific sport or other program, then these things aretertiary to your primary goal of getting a good education and secondary goal ofpaying for the degree without drowning in debt. If you have time thenyou can join a sport, a club, or a fraternity or sorority. These things may be fun, but they just aren’twhat you are there for. Not only dothese things distract you from your education and waste time that is betterspent elsewhere, they cost more money. Brutal realism is required for good financial health.

#7 – Get a degree that matters. Very few students that I have dealt with overthe years in Youth Ministry have had any clue what they really want to do for aliving. Often they have these fantasyjobs and sound certain of their goals with all the assurance of youth. Anyone who has dealt with High School andCollege age kids knows the truth. Whatthey think they want to do coming out of High School is rarely what they end updoing for a career. General degrees inbusiness and education prepare you for almost any career. Get an Associates and/or Bachelors in thesefields and then specialize with a Masters degree. If you spend four years on an Art Historydegree, don’t be surprised if there are few jobs open when you get out ofcollege.

#8 – You have to earn your stripes. The most important lesson that we, adults,can teach kids is that you must expect to work your way up from thebottom. You have to pay your dues. Whenyou get out of college, you just might not be able to find a job rightaway. Yes, I know, the college recruitersaid that you would be making $100,000 a year within six weeks of graduationand that the college will help you find that job. Guess what… The college recruiter’s job is toget you to come to their college (and bring money with you). They are not always so honest about whathappens after college. What’s more, theycannot control the economy. You willprobably have to start at the bottom of your degree field and earn you wayup. You may have to do jobs you don’tlike to earn your way to the job you want. You may even have to struggle in a different field for awhile till youcan even get into the company you want. Preparefor that. Acknowledge it now and saveyourself the stress. This is anothergood reason NOT to get into huge college debt. Being debt-free or mostly so upon graduation gives you time to find yourniche. This is a good reason to workyour way through college. If you can getin on the bottom floor in a field similar to or the same as you will be workingin, you may find that internship or first time job that puts you ahead of therest of the field when you get out of school.

#9 – You don’t need credit cards to get throughcollege. The sad truth is that mostcollege students graduate with studentloan debt AND credit card debt. Theaverage college senior graduates with an additional $4,100 in credit card debt⁴. That is in addition to the $20,000 plus instudent loans. Credit card companieslove to come to student events and give away free Frisbees and pizza foreveryone who applies for a credit card. Students, whose parents have often spent a lifetime in debt, now sellthemselves into debt slavery for a slice of pizza and a toy that they won’teven have by the time they pay the bills.

#10 – College doesn’t have to take four years. In fact, a six year degree while you work ismuch more realistic and will provide you with an opportunity to gainexperiences that you might not have otherwise gotten. By working your way through a realistic classschedule, you will be able to have the flexibility to take internships, studyabroad for a year, serve for a summer in a charity, or any number of other lifeexperiences that will help you be a better, well rounded person and alsoimpress future employers.

The college experience myth is busted. You can have that fantasy of fraternityparties, football games, and dating the cheerleader while going to classes, butit is going to cost you. If you choosethis fairy tale, don’t be surprised when you graduate with debt up to your earsand little prospect for financial freedom in the near future. But, if you accept reality for what it is andare willing to put a little blood, sweat, and tears (no, not the 70s band) intoyour education, you can come out with something of real value at a fraction ofthe cost, and with the ability to earn your way to the top. For the rest of us, the teachers, youthministers, coaches, parents, and every other person who influences youngadults: it is our duty to help these kids be realistic. Let’s not feed them any more lies aboutcollege and debt, but give them a kick start in life by teaching them the valueof hard work and an earned education. Let us pass on the idea that the world doesn’t owe them a living andthey shouldn’t expect someone else to pick up the tab for their choices.

I am not totally hard-line against any debt. If you have to use a little to get throughyour last year unpaid internship, then do what you have to do. It is much harder to get a master’s degreedebt free, but do as much as you can. It’sjust the thought of teaching our kids that debt is unavoidable, so let’s justuse loans for all four years and hope that we can get a job right away to payit all.

Finally, let us help our kids in the ways we can. If you can financially help a kid get throughcollege, do it. If you can pay for abook, buy them dinner, or give them your old computer or bicycle, do it. If you can encourage them, help them researchscholarships, give them a quiet place to study, do it. If you can help them get a part-time jobwhere you work, or write a recommendation for their internship, do it. If you can help with their laundry, give thema ride, or assist them with homework, do it. Whatever happens, let’s help where we can and let’s not harm them byperpetuating myths.

As long as we believe that it isn’t possible and keeptelling ourselves and our kids that, then we will continue to stick them withlarge amounts of debt. But, when we quitmaking excuses and quit perpetuating myths, then we can change our kid’sfuture.

1. http://news.consumerreports.org/money/2011/05/2011-college-grads-have-highest-average-debt-to-date.html

2. http://www.youngentrepreneur.com/blog/100-top-entrepreneurs-who-succeeded-without-a-college-degree/

3. http://collegesearch.collegeboard.com/search/CollegeDetail.jsp?collegeId=2353&profileId=2

4. http://www.credit.com/press/statistics/student-credit-and-debt-statistics.html

P.S. - It’s funny, but I’ve been accused of beingunrealistic and fantasizing for thinking that things can work this way. In most cases, it is from people who don’twant to think they have made wrong choices, so they say things like, “debt isunavoidable,” or, “it’s just not possible to live debt-free.” Yet, I know others who have taken personalresponsibility and recognized that past choices do not dictate the future. These people are paying off debt steadily andliving less stressful lives. Thisincludes myself and my family. I gotinto deep debt during my first college experience and young adult years. After years of hard lessons and even harder work, we are almost debtfree. That is reality, not fantasy. Invariably, the people making the excuses andsaying that debt free living is a fantasy are the ones continually making thesame choices that continually get them further into debt and continually causethem suffering or don’t want to be honest about their own responsibility forpast choices. Those who are brutallyhonest with themselves get out of trouble, those that blame others continueliving in trouble. That is myexperience. YMMV

#Occupy Yourselves

A Comparison

2011-10-31T12:09:00.000-07:00

I've been watching the whole fuss about the Occupy Wall Street and I remember all the fuss about the Tea Party. It's been very amusing to watch the Facebook postings on each. I have friends on both sides of the political aisle and I have now seen several postings comparing the two movements posted by each side. It's fun to watch each side pick the worst fringe of the other side to compare to the best of their own. I can't be sure if they truly believe it or if they are purposely being intellectually dishonest.

Here is my comparison of the Tea Party and Occupy Wall Street.

Tea Party	Occupy Wall Street
Grass Roots movement co-opted by Republicans	Grass Roots movement co-opted by Democrats
Represents the little guy who feels stepped on by the government	Represents the little guy who feels stepped on by corporations
Has people dressed in goofy costumes from 1700s	Has people dressed in goofy masks from 1600s
Has people playing fifes and drums	Has drum circles
Blames big government for everything	Blames big corporations for everything
Thousands of people marching in big cities holding signs calling for change	Thousands of people marching in big cities holding signs calling for change
Actually has some good points about the situation we are in with too much corporate money controlling our government	Actually has some good points about the situation we are in with too much corporate money controlling our government
Hates the government bailouts of big corporations	Hates the government bailouts of big corporations
Blames President Obama for the bailouts	Remembers that the Bailouts started under President Bush and blame him.
Offers a several overly simplistic solutions to a single complex problem	Offers no solutions to a wide range of complex problems.
Caricatures the OWS by comparing the worst fringe element of the other side with the most logical and centrist parts of their own movement.	Caricatures the Tea Party by comparing the worst fringe element of the other side with the most logical and centrist parts of their own movement.
Forgets that they only represent about a third of our country and that the other 2/3 has perspective and ideas too.	Forgets that they only represent about a third of our country (despite the 99% claim) and that the other 2/3 has perspective and ideas too.
Thinks it’s a crime to believe in socialism	Thinks it’s a crime to believe in capitalism
Old Republicans and young hipster conservatives	Young Democrats and old hippies
Primarily composed of real people with a heart to make a difference.	Primarily composed of real people with a heart to make a difference.
Complained that the media, which is (of course) all owned by the left-wing, wouldn’t cover them.	Complained that the media, which is (of course) all owned by rich corporations, wouldn’t cover them
Fox News and Drudge Report cover everything positive about this movement. Huffington Post and MSNBC cover everything negative about this movement.	Huffington Post and MSNBC cover everything positive about this movement. Fox News and Drudge Report cover everything negative about this movement.
Conservative media writes articles saying that you shouldn’t compare these movements because the Tea Party is right, peaceful, and the voice of the people and the OWS movement is wrong, potentially violent, and doesn’t represent most of America.	Liberal media writes articles saying that you shouldn’t compare these movements because the OWS is right, peaceful, and the voice of the people and the Tea Party movement is wrong, potentially violent, and doesn’t represent most of America.
Small fringe groups in this movement calling for overthrow of government	Small fringe groups in this movement calling for overthrow of government
People seen carrying assault weapons at rally	People seen carrying assault weapons at rally
Flyers found threatening death of government officials	Flyers found threatening death of police
Someone spit on congressperson	Someone pooped on police car
Some prejudiced hangers-on hate black people and immigrants and seen carrying signs that suggest the country would be better off without them.	Some prejudiced hangers-on hate Jews and Evangelical Christians and seen carrying signs that suggest the country would be better off without them.
Supported by two rich old white guys – the Koch Brothers	Supported by one even richer old white guy – George Soros
Held their rallies and stood around complaining, but then got people out to vote to bring some change to government	Holding their rallies and standing around complaining, let’s see if they can actually get people out to vote to bring some change to government.

What a mess we are in as a nation because of discourteous partisanship. It's perfectly OK to have differing points of view, but the lack of any respectful disagreement and the lack of recognition that the other side might have some good points leaves us at war with one another and keeps us voting charlatans and crooks into office because, at least they vote for my side.

Let's not forget that we are all in this together.

Cannonballs

2011-10-24T16:17:00.002-07:00

My wife and daughter just got back from a trip to Arkansas, of all places to visit family. They brought back a silly family game with them. At random times during conversation, one of them will suddenly say, "Apology Accepted." No purpose, no reason, just a goofy game. In real life, apologies should matter. That's what I was taught growing up, but somehow that has changed. Demanding an apology is now just a tool of the overly sensitive and politically correct.

Hank Williams Jr. likens President Obama’s golf game withSpeaker John Boener with Hitler playing golf with Netanyahu. He is promptly castigated in the news mediaand issues a formal apology.

Johnny Depp likens the paparrazi taking so many photos offamous people without their permission to being raped. He is promptly castigated by the news mediaand issues a formal apology.

Do a Google search for the phrase “…apologized for saying”and review the results going back a year or two and you’ll see dozens of peoplewho made unfortunate (or sometimes completely accurate) characterizations ofsituations that they immediately had to apologize for. It always follows the same pattern. Someone says something comparing one thing toanother. The news media jumps on it andtears them apart. Pundits speakout. Activists call for theirresignation. The person quicklyexplains, “I didn’t mean it that way.” The news cycle grows. Finally,the person gives a formal apology, usually read by their attorney. This apologyis never a real apology but is legalize that says something along the lines of,“I’m sorry if someone may have been accidentally offended by my words,” withoutactually saying anything that might lead to legal action or furthermisinterpretation.

Do we not know what a metaphor is anymore? Have we become so afraid of offending someonethat we cannot use symbolism or allegory? Are we really that uptight that we cannot understand the core truth thatcan be found in a little hyperbole and that the exaggeration often points tothe seriousness of the core truth?

Do we really need to explain that the President and Speakerhave serious political differences that are radically far apart? Can we not understand that having someonetake your picture at all hours in all situations whether you want it or not isakin to having something stolen from you?

Our language has historically been very rich with the use offigures of speech to make a point. Readsome of the greatest historic speeches and you’ll find them littered withfigurative language. What a beautifulthing.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Speak what you think today inwords as hard as cannon balls, and tomorrow speak what tomorrow thinks in hardwords again, though it contradict every thing you say today.”

Let us be bold in our speech and not give apologies everytime some delicate person feels their ears are wounded by a well placedsimile. Let them take this chance togrow a little and invite them to make polite, but ideally placed turns ofphrase that give a strong clear picture of the point that they wish to make.

I'm not suggesting that we all be jerks just to be jerks, but certainly, we can say things without having to worry about our every sentence having to be run through a cleanser before being spoken. How flat and grey would our world be if everyone spoke in carefully crafted legalese so as to not offend anyone.

With that, I must apologize for using Ralph Waldo Emerson’squote that suggests that cannon balls are the equivalent to hard words. I am truly sorry if any cannon balls felthurt by my poorly chosen words.

Apology Accepted.

John

2011-10-20T15:54:00.002-07:00

“What is this generation going to do?” asked John, as hestood in the doorway of my office, “How are they ever going to survive thiseconomy?” John is an older man who livesaround the corner from the church. Hestops in my office about once a month for a short conversation. That’s a joke, because, if you knew John,you’d know that there’s no such thing as a short conversation when he comesaround. He’s been retired for a lot ofyears and forgets that not everyone has as much free time as he does. Sometimes I groan inwardly when I see himcome in, because I know I have to stop what I’m doing for a half hour, butin the end, I generally enjoy our conversations. He has seen a lot of things in 80 plus yearsof life and, I have learned that if you ask the right questions, he always has an interestingstory.

I can’t call John an old man, because, though he is morethan twice my age, he is still very spry. He lives his life much more fully than many people that I’ve met who area quarter of his age. He rides around onhis bicycle and tinkers around in his tool shed. He works in his garden, and fixes stuffaround the neighborhood. And, he comesin and talks to the young pastor in his neighborhood on a regular basis.

Usually, when John comes in, it’s to talk about somethingspecific. He has something on his mind,be it a neighbor who isn’t taking care of their property, or to talk about someissue of the day.

Today, he was wondering about the economy and the Occupy Wall Street protestsin the streets. He told me that this‘recession’ seemed to be turning into a depression, and he was worried abouthis country. “This generation thinksthey should be given everything; they don’t want to work for it, they don’twant to earn their own way,” he told me, “How are they going to survivethis.”

I know John was a child during the Great Depression, as hehas shared some of his stories about World War II. So, I asked him, “How did your generationmake it?”

He looked me in the eye and said, “Well, we buckled down anddid what we had to do. We workedhard. We saved things and made due. We worked together to help each other. We didn’t run out to buy something new whenit broke, we just fixed it. But, it’sdifferent today, we didn’t have computers and all this new stuff that everyonethinks they need.”

“It’s no different today, John,” I replied, “The answertoday is the same as it was back then. People in the 1920s had luxuries, they were frivolous. But, when the 1930s and 40s came, theylearned. They cut back and made betterchoices. They worked harder. They scrimped and saved. They treated their possessions with morevalue. Families and communities helpedeach other. They grew gardens and cannedfood. They quit being so wasteful. It wasn't pretty, it wasn't easy, but you did what you had to do. That’s what you grew up with, right?”

“Yes, sir, that’s how we did it.”

“Then,” I went on, “That’s how this generation is going todo it. We just have some hard lessons tolearn first. And, some of us are goingto learn the hard lessons and some of us won’t. The ones that don’t are going to struggle and blame others for theirproblems. Those that learn those hardlessons will make it through together, and be better for it.”

I don’t think he really needed me to tell him that, I thinkhe was just looking for reassurance that someone else knew the answer too.

John smiled at me and headed back out the door to his truck. He stopped and looked back at me. His parting shot was, “I don’t think you’llhave to work too hard to learn those lessons.”

I hope not, John, I truly hope not.

#Occupy Yourselves

Cooking Up an Answer

2011-10-17T13:04:00.000-07:00

"There is so much ingenuity and innovation right here in this kitchen that is so lacking in so many other areas of the country," said Sam Tresler, a 32-year-old consultant from Brooklyn as he dropped off a pot of mashed potatoes he had cooked that morning. "It's inspiring."*

This was a quote from one of the people donating food for the Occupy Wall Street group as he dropped off food for the protestors. They have set up a make-shift kitchen to feed those people who are there and lack food. Volunteers have worked together to solve the logistics of getting food through the clogged streets, portioning out food and serving hundreds of people several times a day.

The article tells of an 80 year old Jamaican woman who drops a $100 in a donation bucket. She doesn’t give her name because she says she doesn’t want people to think she’s rich, but she wants to try do donate again next week.

Funny. Ironic.

It didn’t take the government to make this work.

They didn’t need to pay a large food service corporation to make things happen.

They cleaned up the park too. But they didn’t need the city to do it. They didn’t need a large janitorial service to do it.

These people are working together to provide for each other.

It’s almost like this is the way it’s supposed to work.

I just wish they could see the lesson in this. You don’t have to be out blocking traffic and holding up picket signs to make a difference for one another in a rough economy.

You just have to be willing to get your hands dirty, willing to stretch your money, willing to give to help others.

A single pot of mashed potatoes may feed a dozen people. One hundred dollars can buy enough food for several dozen. It doesn’t take an act of Congress. It doesn’t take a shareholder meeting. It takes an open heart and a willing soul.

If only they could get off the streets and put these lessons to work. Grow a community garden. Start a babysitting co-op. Potluck with your neighbors. Invite an out of work friend to live with you. Take food to your elderly neighbor. Barter goods and services. Offer that $100 to the guy up the street who is out of work if he’ll fix your cabinets.

Mr. Tressler, who so generously brought the mashed potatoes talked about ingenuity. That’s precisely the answer. A little ingenuity and cooperation to solve financial problems, a little personal responsibility to help others and to get each of our own financial houses together, and we won’t need to occupy Wall Street. We’ll occupy ourselves. Ingenuity has always been the American Way.

Do these things and you take the power away from politicians and corporations. Riot in the streets and you give them back the power to ‘solve’ your problems. Don’t be pawns of politicians, unions, or wall street. Don’t let anarchy rule. Vote with your ballot to change the politicians. Vote with your dollars to change corporations.

#Occupy Yourselves

* Quotes and information from article found in the Arizona Republic: http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/2011/10/17/20111017protest-food1017.html viewed at 12:36pm 10/17/2011. Article originally posted by Helen O'Neill - Oct. 17, 2011 12:00 AM Associated Press

The Only Man in the Room Without a Tallit

2011-10-13T14:53:00.005-07:00

The service began thirty minutes ago. I think. Maybe. Actually, I'm not entirely sure. Somewhere off to my right some one is singing in Hebrew, but I can’t see him because I am sitting slightly behind the stage and my view is partially blocked by lace curtains. Dozens of men milled around on my side of the room, shaking hands, greeting one another with a rousing L’shana Tova!* Some were putting on their prayer shawls (Tallit), long white pieces of fabric usually with blue or black stripes and long tassels attached. The Hebrew singing continues and periodically some of the men will join in with the chant, but most are paying no attention as they catch up with friends, holding conversations on business, school studies, and how their kids and grandkids are. Though many people say, hello and L’shana Tova to me, I feel distinctly out of place and unsure of myself.

It all started a couple of weeks before the service when I asked a business acquaintance, who I knew to be Jewish, if he could recommend adult Hebrew classes for me to help me with my seminary studies. We had a brief conversation about religious difference that culminated in him inviting me to Rosh Hoshana services at Chabad of Scottsdale.

I showed up a thirty minutes early and hoped to see my friend. I stood out front, off to the side and watched the line of people entering the building. I wore a suit, figuring it was better to be overdressed than too casual, but many of the younger men were wearing casual clothes. Being Scottsdale, I had to laugh at the man wearing cowboy boots, a western vest and a yarmulke. Finally, this older gentleman came up to me and asked in an accented voice, “Why wait out here and don’t go inside?” I told him that I was new and waiting for a friend. He said, “From today on, I am your friend. You can come inside now.” With that, he took my shoulder and escorted me inside. I told him, I have no kippah (yarmulke) and he laughed and said not to worry. “What color you should want, red, black, green, blue? We’ll get you one.” Looking through a drawer, I found a simple black one and put it on. He then showed me to my seat and wandered away, jovially saying, L’shana Tova to everyone he passed.

Somehow, I was expecting something similar to Christian church services I have attended so many times. Nope. Nothing of the like. Though it was a religious service, and there were many things that were similar, it’s the small differences that made it such a cross-cultural experience. It’s even hard to explain all the differences, but they added up to an experience that was far from anything else I’d ever experienced.

The elderly man who was my new friend, came wandering back with the Rabbi, who promptly began speaking to me in Hebrew. Embarrassed, I told him I wasn’t Jewish and spoke no Hebrew. He smiled friendly and told me that’s OK. (it made me think of the old Mel Brooks movie joke, "I'm not Jewish" and the response is, "That's OK, nobody's perfect.") My new friend told him I was waiting for my business acquaintance, whom the Rabbi knew. The Rabbi welcomed me and wandered off, back to the stage area which was actually around the corner from my chair, so I couldn’t even see what was going on.

The service continued with the Chazzan (song leader) singing in Hebrew with brief moments of audience participation in Hebrew. The service was laid out in a book with Hebrew on one side and the English translation on the other. I tried to follow along, but, since everything spoken was in Hebrew, the English was only of limited help. I finally recognized the Hebrew word melech which I know means ‘king’. Since they use that word A LOT, it became easy enough to at least keep up. The Rabbi also kept calling out the page numbers, so I managed to stumble along. I still felt greatly out of place because the others knew when to stand, to sit, to take a few steps back and forward, and when to bow. I was always a little bit behind. This part was very comparable to a Catholic service, which, since my wife grew up Catholic, I have had occasion to experience.

The Rabbi came back and brought someone else with him. He introduced us and told the new guy who I was waiting for and they both wandered off. Periodically, the Rabbi would bring someone else by and let him know who I was waiting for and would introduce us. All of this occurred while the service was going on.

Over the next hour or so, men and women continued arriving, going to their different sides of the room and beginning rounds of greeting with those participating in the service. Slaps on the back. Greetings of L’shana Tova. Discussions about children. These all continued while the Hebrew singing and audience participation continued. And, the Rabbi and others kept bringing people up to meet me. It made me chuckle to picture this happening at a Christian church, with people greeting each other while worship went on or while the pastor gave his sermon. Hard to imagine. What’s more, as the service continued over the next few hours, I noticed that people were not only coming in, but wandering out and leaving on their own schedules.

My friend finally showed up and stopped to welcome me. Several men came by and told him I was there looking for him. He must have thought that I had met the whole congregation. By that time, I may have, because of the busy little Rabbi introducing me. He gave some explanation and guidance about what was going on and a little about what the purpose of the service was. He invited me to stay or leave as was comfortable and then went to his assigned seat to participate.

After five hours of Hebrew singing, quiet prayer, a brief homily in English, shofar blowing and lots of standing and sitting, I finally had to go pick up my daughter from school. I quietly left. I was sad that I couldn't stay through the end, but I had enjoyed the experience. Perhaps the only disappointing part of the whole experience was the blowing of the Shofar. I expected a deep resonating tone, like something out of an old movie about Vikings. Instead, it was shorter and high pitched, more like a child’s toy horn. Just goes to show that we shouldn’t base our expectations on Hollywood.

My favorite observation concerned the children. They came and went, often coming into the room and climbing up on Grandpa’s lap. Even the rabbi held a young boy for awhile while still running the service. How rich it must be for children to grow up immersed in their culture and not sent off to another room for a watered down version of religion.

I truly loved the respect they showed to the Torah. As they opened the Ark each time, where there were several Torah stored, everyone would stand and become quiet. These were no small scrolls, but very large, very ornate, and very special. When it was finally time for the Torah reading, they brought two out and walked them around the room. Men would touch the corner of their Tallit to the Torah scrolls and then kiss the Tallit. I would wish that more Christians held that type of respect to the word of G-d.

Though somewhat uncomfortable, as all cultural experiences are, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. But, it made me question my own traditions. When someone comes in and visits our church, do they have any idea what is going on? Though our service is in English, does an outsider understand some of the words and phrases that we use that are specific to Christian faith and practice? Have we missed out on some beautiful and rich traditions by losing the essential Jewishness that marked Yeshua, Shaul, Shimon, (Jesus, Paul, Simon), and the other disciples, and completely saturated their teachings?

In the short conversation that my friend and I had weeks before, when he invited me to the service, it was immediately clear that he misunderstood some basic concepts of Christianity, even though the Christian faith came directly out of the Jewish faith. I’m sure that this is how he understood things from previous explanations, but still, it wasn’t quite right. How can we better communicate our similarities and the truths of what we believe without assuming that they already understand. What have we lost in our Christianity over the centuries, considering the first ‘Christians’ were actually Jews who believed that Meshiach had come in the form of Yeshua.

During the service, it was painfully obvious that I was the stranger. Being the only man in the room not wearing the Tallit and obviously out of place and unsure, I must have stuck out like a sore thumb. Though people were very welcoming and polite, it was still clear that they recognized me as a visitor. This makes me wonder, how then can we as Christians be welcoming without making someone feel like they are the stranger? I have to be honest, while we don’t wear any special clothing like a Tallit or kippah, it is still clear who comfortably belongs and who is just visiting.

I am thankful to my friend for inviting me and I hope to visit again, because I want to understand the similarities and the rich history that comes from our Jewish roots. We are separated by the belief that Meshiach has come, and by some unfortunate historic anti-semitism that must be apologized and atoned for. But, those things don’t have to separate us today as people of G-d.

I will continue to build my Hebrew vocabulary till I am fluent, in hopes to be a better scholar and to better understand the precious word of G-d.

Next time I visit, though, I’ll bring my Tallit. I actually own one that I purchased for Seder several years ago. Maybe that way, I won’t feel so out of place, and really…. just how many chances does one get to wear a Tallit?

Till then, L’shana Tova Tikatevu. May you be inscribed in the Book of Life.

Please know that these are observations from an outsider and not meant to be flippant or in any way disrespectful. Any accidental affronts, misuse of terms, or misunderstanding of the events described are unintentional, coming solely from my ignorance and only reinforce my desire for understanding. Please accept my apology if there are any such offences. Thank you for sharing your faith and traditions with me. Thank you to Jerry, Nathan, the Rabbi whose name I missed, to the Orthodox Jewish young man who gave me his seat, and the dozens of wonderful people who were so welcoming to me. Thanks also to Chabad of Scottsdale for the experience. May you each be blessed by the King and Creator of all.

*L’shana Tova means Happy New Year in Hebrew

THEY

2011-10-10T12:00:00.000-07:00

I was at Starbucks about a month ago and saw a guy come in and ask for a free cup of coffee. He looked like he might be homeless, but not so far gone that he really was living on the streets for any length of time, more a panhandler than someone really in need. The Barista said, “I’ve told you before, you can’t come in here and get free coffee and you aren’t allowed to ask customers for money. You can have water, but that’s all.” He gave the guy a cup of water and the panhandler said, “What, no ice?,” as he walked out the door. A female customer at the cash register started castigating the barista.

“Why couldn’t you just give him a cup of coffee?, she asked, “Why did you have to be such a jerk about it?” She continued to harangue him about how Starbucks can afford to give away coffee because they make so much money. Why should the barrista care if they lost a few cents giving away one cup of coffee?

I wondered at the irony of her situation. Here she was castigating Starbucks for being rich and not being as generous as she thought they should be, but she, who was standing there waiting to pay $5 to Starbucks, never once offered to buy the homeless guy a cup of coffee.

It’s so much easier to blame They than to blame ‘I’.

They are mysterious.

They are aloof.

They are different from us.

They are faceless.

They cause all the problems.

They are to blame.

They don’t care.

Government. Politicians. Corporate fat cats. Banks. Investment Companies. They.

As if some alien species came to earth in the last few decades (during the Bush years if you are a Democrat or during Obama’s administration if you are a Republican), suddenly, there is this ober-class of people who are to blame for all that’s wrong in this country.

Any serious student of history can tell you that it’s always been this way. J.P. Morgan. Leland Stanford. John Jacob Astor. Dale Carnegie. Cornelius Vanderbilt. Charles Schwab. Fisk. Duke. Plant. Ford. Seligman. Frick. The Rockefellers. The Kennedys. The Du Ponts. The Lehmans. Many of these names we recognize as street names and product names. Many are responsible for some of the greatest acts of philanthropy in our nation’s history. Many are also responsible for terrible depredations on their workers, the environment, and on consumers.

It’s no different today.

There are rich people like Steve Jobs, so lately lamented, but known specifically for his lack of generosity and his cutthroat business decisions and tyrant management style.. Or perhaps Bill Gates, also known for cutthroat business, but also known for enormous acts of charity and generous donations.

It sure is easy to blame those rich people for our problems. It’s even easier to blame the anonymous banks and big corporations. If there is no person’s name attached, they become an even easier target for our ire.

“How dare they have billions of dollars when I struggle to pay my mortgage, my car loans, my student loans, and my credit cards?!?!?,” we demand with righteous indignation!

“What’s up with these politicians, why do they keep screwing us so badly with laws that don’t help the little guy?!?!?!,” we yell out with all the moral anger we can muster.

Good questions.

No. Not really a good questions. Actually, quite bad ones.

Perhaps we should rephrase them: “How dare I complain about faceless bankers when I keep using their money so poorly?” and, “Why do I keep voting for the same people just so my party stays in control, with little or no consideration to the best choices for the country?”

The problem with our nation comes down to 308, 600,000 individuals (give or take a million) who need to start taking personal responsibility and quit blaming the unnamed They for our problems.

We need to swear off debt. Quit borrowing from Bank of America and suddenly that BOA constrictor loses its power. Don’t like that they are charging a fee for debit transactions… Vote with your feet. Don’t spend another dime with them. Period.

Upset that hedge funds, junk bonds, and mortgage securities were at the heart of our current economic recession? Maybe it’s time to reconsider the idea that everyone should own their own home, including people who cannot afford one or people incapable of paying their bills on time. Perhaps it is time to take personal responsibility for wisely purchasing just enough home for what we need and not overburdening ourselves with large houses just because, at the top of the market, we could convince a bank to give us that much. Perhaps it’s time for families to live together again, supporting mom and pop or giving the kids a chance to save up for a better start. Perhaps it’s time for us to educate ourselves on mortgages before we take whatever product the realtor, banker, and broker convince us to take. Perhaps it’s time to go back to the idea of saving up a huge down payment, learning discipline in the process, and then paying off that mortgage as fast as we can.

Don’t like that partisanship in politics? Quit voting your party line and take the time to educate yourself on the individuals on both sides. Consider that there are people on both sides of the issue and perhaps we need to give a little credence to the other side and the middle too. Perhaps, instead of complaining about gridlock, we should stop listening to soundbites and recognize that a nation of 308 million people are actually going to have different points of view from you and perhaps that’s a healthy thing.

At the heart of this is individual responsibility. Let’s not enable those who are occupying Wall Street now and blocking real working people from their jobs. Let’s encourage them to occupy themselves with working. . If you have large amounts of student loans to get a degree in art history, perhaps it’s time to learn a hard lesson about the real world. Get a job. If there aren’t jobs there, create something new. Start a new business or create a new product. Maybe, consider moving to a place where there are jobs. This is the American way and it is this innovation, stick-to-it-iveness, and willingness to work that have made us such a leader among nations. Most of those rich people that we covered above didn’t start out that way.

Finally, let’s not lose sight of the fact that we are the richest people in the world. As the richest 4% or so of the entire world, let’s try to keep a clear focus on the fact that there are billions of people who would be willing to tell us, in a multitude of languages, where we can stick our pre-printed 99% signs. In one loud and raucous voice, they would shout together in Hindi, Farsi, Spanish, Swahili, Arabic, Mandarin, Urdu, and a hundred other languages that they would be more than willing to take our jobs and work without complaining, that they would gladly accept our educations and put them to work, that they would give anything to have won the cosmic lottery that is a U.S. citizenship.

For those who are occupying Wall Street and other locations – I respect your voice that times are hard. I don’t respect mob control and I certainly do not respect the politicians who are trying to make political hay out of this. Clean up your mess. Put down the signs. Ditch the ridiculous hyperbolic rhetoric of, “hitler’s bankers,” “crimes against humanity,” “enslaved.” Grow up and join the real world.

Yes, times are hard. Yes, the Economy is rough. Yes, corruption has happened.

But, stop blaming “They” and start saying, “I will take responsibility for myself.”

* For the record, I spent more than a decade working for banks and mortgage brokers, including at least half that time at Bank of America. As a corporate culture, they are not a good company to work for. They have led the charge on almost every fee that could be charged to their customers. They regularly reorganized, right-sized, downsized, rif’ed, and every other pseudonym for messing with their employees lives in the interest of increasing stock-holder profits. I always wondered at what point someone would realize that you can cut a pie a hundred ways and still have the same amount of pie, just much messier. I don’t bank with them and I don’t recommend anyone bank with them. If A.P. Giannini truly was the man that they said he was, who built his bank by working with the common working man, then I am absolutely sure he is spinning like a dervish in his grave at the company that Bank of America has become. Let me take advantage of this blog to recommend that you never work for, borrow from, deposit money with, invest money in, or even walk too slowly past Bank of America or any of the other large banks. Use small local banks and credit unions for deposits, and live debt free. If enough of us do that, then real change can occur in that industry.

It's Your Choice

2011-09-06T11:45:00.000-07:00

Her finger waivered, floating back and forth over the dozen items on the touch screen. She stood there for an eternity before realizing that she was holding up other people. She gave an exasperated shrug and then settled on Coke. Just plain old Coca-Cola. Then she walked off shaking her head.

I sat watching as person after person encountered the new soda machine at a fast food restaurant. This machine offers dozens of soda choices to begin with, along with tea, sports drinks, and flavored waters. On top of all of that, there are a bunch of flavorings that you can add to each drink. Each item you choose leads to a submenu of more choices. Because of where I sat, I could see the people and their faces at they dealt with the multitude of options. Throughout my lunch it was interesting to note that almost everyone who used the machine would just stand their completely befuddled for a few seconds up to a minute or two, ranging through the choices.

At first it was just amusing, but then, I began to take interest and spent my lunch watching this phenomenon. I even adjusted my seat so I could observe their choices. Time and time again, after a lengthy time of confusion, the participants in my unofficial experiment chose just plain Coke, just plain Pepsi, or just plain tea. The line sometimes got quite long as each person had to face the cacophony of choices.

I would observe that the more choices we are given, the less choice we end up having. For example: if Fastburger puts in a Coca-cola machine and all options are Coke products, then your average Pepsi drinker will have a Coke when they go there. But, if Tacos-R-Us across the street offers both options, then your Pepsi drinker will generally choose Pepsi products. If the Pepsi is runs out, then he might just try Coke, Mountain Dew, or even have some water. Now, Chicken Delight opens up with their multi-choice machine and in most cases, Pepsi man is just going to revert to Pepsi. He is unlikely to try something new and is likely to bypass all the extra choices for that which is comfortable.

I watched this happen recently in my own family. We were looking to paint a few accent walls in the new place, so the wife and kids and I all piled in the car and went to the local Home Depot paint section and grabbed all of the decorating samples and pamphlets in the paint section. I told my wife to pick the accent colors and I’d paint. A week went by, then two. I saw her looking through the stack of samples time and again. I finally asked her what colors she wanted and she told me she just couldn’t decide. So, I took the samples and narrowed the choice down to three sets that I liked and gave them to her. She then quickly made her mind up in a matter of minutes. Too many choices were overwhelming, but narrowed down to a few, she could quickly judge between them.

“Who cares about soda choices or the paint on the wall?” you may ask. It certainly doesn’t matter in the bigger scheme of things, but human behavior can be observed in these little microcosms of life.

Consider the amount of advertising, media, and marketing we face on a daily basis. There is no way we can take it all in, so we begin to tune much of it out. We have thousands of choices that we face each day. Offer a person a few choices and they will tend towards their comfort zone but may occasionally step out and try something new. However, offer this same person hundreds of choices and they will always revert to the simplest and most comfortable option.

There is almost a paralysis in overwhelming choice that leads to an irony.

More choices = less options = less trying of new things

Fewer choices = greater options = more experimentation

This whole idea plays out in the political arena too and is, in fact, becoming a dangerous threat to our political system. In order to gain control of the issue of choices, systems like Facebook and Google cater to our existing comfort. The results that show on a given Google search or the advertisements that Facebook shows you are based on previous choices, comments, notes, and searches that you have done. This begins to limit your access to important information from other points of view. This is rapidly distilling our points-of-view and making us more and more partisan. The threat of propaganda and lies become that much more real because we no longer receive the broader range of information, and often, our minds become more and more closed to what little we see from the other side.

I watch this happen, almost on a daily basis, on Facebook. I have friends who are Republican and friends who are Democrat. Their posts are always very partisan and they see major events through a polarized lens. When something happens in the world, I can usually predict what each of them will post. This used to be an amusing game: ‘Guess what So-and-So will post about the president’s speech?’ It is no longer funny, because it occurs to me that we are polarizing ourselves into two nations within a nation.

I’m not sure what the answer is here, but it will be interesting to watch this play out over a generation. My children will be exposed to more information and choices than I ever have known in my lifetime. They will be bombarded with data. They are already aggressively marketed to, by an industry that no longer waits until they are teens to target them.

Will they develop ways to use this information and grow from it, or will they become overwhelmed by the deluge and retreat to the comfort of a single point of view that pits one group of people against another?

We are richer when we reach out to others who believe differently from us. We are stronger when we test new ideas and logically accept or reject them based on fact and not emotion. We are better people when we associate with those who look different. We grow by rubbing off on each other and being challenged on what we think we know.

Will our choices control us or will we control our choices?

Dear Mr. Advice Columnist

2011-08-05T13:14:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Advice Columnist,

I have a family member in trouble and hope you can help. It’s affecting our whole family. My uncle is out of control and I am not sure how to deal with it. He may be senile or possibly suffering from dementia. He used to be a likeable guy, very popular, and really had his life together. Don’t get me wrong, he made mistakes, but he was a better guy than most people. He was extremely frugal and built up quite a large amount of wealth. That’s where the problem begins. He started giving money away, to the point that he cannot pay his own bills. He gives it to family members, strangers on the street, and even people in other places he doesn’t even know. He buys them all sorts of things they don’t really need or that they could buy for themselves. He has been supporting many of them, buying groceries and even paying their bills for them. I don’t mind him helping the ones who are really in trouble, but most of them could pay these things themselves with a little financial responsibility and realistic budgeting. But, with him paying for so much, they aren’t learning how to take care of themselves; they just keep taking from him.

I wouldn’t mind so much, but we all live together on the same piece of land that we inherited from my great-grandparents. And, since we all share title, his financial choices are affecting us all. What’s more, we have a joint checking account and every time I get a little money, he takes half of it and gives it away to other people. He has actually run out of money himself and has been borrowing great amounts of credit to keep giving money away. I’ve tried talking to my family about all of this, but since so many of them receive money from him, they don’t seem to care that we are living on borrowed time. My cousins all think it’s no big deal. They say that by the time the money runs out from all the credit cards and bank loans that they’ll all be dead anyway. They don’t seem to care that their children will be horribly affected by my uncle’s mistakes and they really don’t care that it is affecting those of us that are trying to pay our own way.

What can I do?

Anxious in Arizona

- - - - - - - - - -

Dear Anxious In Arizona,

It’s your Uncle Sam, isn’t it. I know that guy. Well, the bad news is, the problem will never be fixed till your family works together to get each of themselves on a budget. Then they can begin insisting that he cut his spending and get him on a realistic budget. But, as long as so many of them receive money from his largess and won’t choose to be financially healthy themselves, you’ll never change anything. I wish I could give you more hope, but as long as people act for their own selfish interests and take no personal responsibility, you are stuck.

Mr. Advice Columnist

The Target

2011-07-01T17:54:00.001-07:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, children of all ages, come one, come all! Take your seats and prepare to see the most amazing and frightening performance of your lives. As I blindfold myself and ready my throwing knives, my lovely assistant shall step up to the wheel and I will demonstrate the object lesson of today’s blog. I recommend that those with delicate constitutions step out of the room as we perform this death defying trick.

I used to love circus acts like that: the pretty lady spinning on the wheel while the blindfolded man throws razor sharp blades at her. There was a sense of suspense, a tempting titillation, and a delicious desire for danger. There was even a secret macabre hope that you just might see some blood.

Over the years, this act has lost its delight as I see it played out in the real world of ministry. There are many things that are absolutely wonderful about leading a ministry, but there is one significant drawback that I’d like to share. Being a ministry leader makes you the person spinning on the target.

There just never seems to be a lack of people who are willing to tell you what they think you are doing wrong or telling you how they want you to be doing things. There is always someone willing to tell you how they believe you could have done better. Perhaps you should have said __________ in your sermon. Or, I don’t think that we should do __________ as a church. Or, your church should be doing __________ type of ministry. I don’t think we should play __________ type of music.

Often, these are couched as ‘suggestions’ by well-meaning people, but then they are hurt when you don’t take their suggestion, or if you offer a different point-of-view. What’s even more common, the person giving the advice usually isn't even actively involved in the ongoing ministry of the church. They just sit there and snipe at the pastor, music leader, elders, or other ministry leaders. I have even had new people, after their first or second visit, tell me what they thought was wrong with me or our church, or even other churches. I can even go further in saying that the people most likely to make these types of suggestions are the ones who are least likely to show evidence of an active and growing discipleship.

I write this piece, not to whine about how things are, or to grumble and complain; I write this to offer a better way. (no, I don’t miss the irony here, I am suggesting another way of doing things, but the difference is, I am committed to being involved and living this out myself.)

1. Encourage those in ministry. Pray for them. The jobs are difficult, the pay is low, and they are working very hard. They love what they do, but it can be mental and spiritually draining to be criticized all the time.

2. Instead of suggesting that ‘the church should do __________,’ as if ‘the Church’ somehow is an entity outside ofyou. Why don’t you volunteer to make something happen. Offer to do the fundraising, solicit and train volunteers, and make the ministry happen.

3. If you felt something was left out of the sermon or that it could be said another way, why don’t you go back and listen to what was actually there, instead of what you wish was there. Perhaps the message had a different intent to it that you can learn something from.

4. If you are focused on the type of music instead of the message of the music and the purpose of worship, then perhaps it is time to look at your own selfish desires and retrain them on God instead of on yourself.

5. Refocus your faith. You should be serving God and serving His community, not being served by the church. If you have been at your church more than a few months, you should be volunteering and becoming an active part of the family instead of being a passive consumer. Church is not a business that sells a product to you, but a family, a body of people who work together towards God’s goals, not their own.

This isn’t to take anything away from the active, serving believer who offers gentle truth, a graceful critique, or sees a way to improve ministry and is willing to get their hands dirty to make a difference. We need more of this and less of the other type.

It is time to take a hard look at how we do church. In fact, let’s not do church anymore. Let’s BE the church! Let’s get rid of the petty, old-school ways of churchianity and begin living as selfless, loving, merciful, joyful, grace-filled servants of Jesus. How powerful could it be if everyone in the small local church took the personal responsibility to serve and not to be served? What if all of us decided to put our faith in action in the local community and not wait to be catered to?

What could happen if each one of us gave sacrificially of our time, money, and abilities instead of waiting for someone else to do it? Imagine a church where every single member was actively serving in a ministry that God called them to, regularly giving to God’s work, and committed to building a vibrant, loving, and welcoming community where those outside the church could come and encounter a safe place to seek God.

Perhaps that’s the target we should be aiming at.

Wisdom Is Where You Find It

2011-06-28T20:35:00.002-07:00

If you open your eyes, you can learn something just about anywhere.

For example: A bus stop.

Or, in this case, two bus stops a couple hundred yards around the corner from each other.

I was driving down Thomas Road in Phoenix and passed the first bus stop. The sign behind it said, “Some people are smarter than you. Listen to them.”

“Sage advice from a beer advertisement,” I mused, as I drove on down the road.

Then, as I turned the corner at 32^nd Street, I spied a second bus stop sign, also selling beer:

“The bulk of your life should be off the record,” this one touted.

More wise advice. Beer advertisements have sure come up in the world in the past 20 years. No Clydesdales playing football, no bikini clad women in the snow, and no vapid arguments over whether a beer tastes great or is less filling. All things we can certainly do without. Well, maybe not the bikini clad snow girls. Definitely not without them. Why would anyone drink beer if it weren't for the bikini clad snow girls. But, I digress.

In this age of Googled answers and Facebook friends, when Snopes can’t keep track of the balderdash and Twitter can’t keep Weiners off the air; it’s refreshing to get some good old-fashioned wisdom from your friendly neighborhood brewery.

There are people who are smarter than you. Seek them out and listen to them. Chances are they don’t live in Hollywood or Washington D.C. Look for them in your neighborhood. Most of them are over 70 and have lived long enough to learn a few hard lessons. Get to know them. Spend some time. Learn from them.

And while you are at it, how about keeping most of your life off the record. I still have to learn this one myself, but let me put it out there. You don’t need to blather every inane thing in your day on Facebook. No one cares. They are too busy broadcasting their own frivolities.

Maybe it’s time to turn off the computer, tune in to the real people around us and drop out of the online world.

Just for a while…

Wisdom is where you find it.

The Blacksmith

2011-05-04T15:00:00.000-07:00

The Blacksmith

Hammer falls

to strike hot steel

gold-hot sparks fly

and red metal anneals

High heat and pressure

and fire and strain

hard metal shaped

blows rain again and again

Merciless hammer

of iron and oak

beat into new shape

on stroke after stroke

Sword and shovel

nail and screw

the same burning forge

shapes me and shapes you

Trials and losses

struggles and pain

mold us to much more

through striving and strain

Give thanks to the hammer

the anvil, the flame

we grow that much stronger

our beatings no shame

Each sharp blade or strong tool

proud of its purpose and role

began its new life

in the flames of the coal

When now you question

if troubles are vain

remember today’s hurt

will tomorrow be gain.

The blacksmith that forms us

seems cruel in his art

but his loving intention

sets him apart

For the steel stays weak

if no fire and no folding

and we are no better

without his careful molding.

Different Enough

2011-05-02T16:29:00.001-07:00

I want to be different… Just like everyone else.

Our culture is one of conformity.

Just check out the teen girl dressed in all black and listening to emo music, trying to be her own self, just like the dozen others that she hangs out with.

Look at the Republicans who, on cue, decry everything that president Obama does. Look at the Democrats who did the same thing with George Bush. Neither one can step outside of their group and actually give a little credit where it is due.

Look at the beatniks of the 50s, the hippies of the 60s, the feminists of the 70s, the yuppies of the 80s, and the grunge culture of the 90s.

Look at the hundreds of guys with their pants belted below their butt, showing their chonies. (That’s a fad that can’t die soon enough)

Counter-cultural people tend to be just another culture. They’re different, just like everyone else.

Oh, we like to pretend that each of us is our own individual, but ultimately, society expects you to conform to an image. My Human Development Professor in college, “We make too much of a big deal about cliques and conformity with teenagers. I’m 65 years old and live in a retirement community and there is definitely a message of conformity, from the catalogues that tell me how I should dress, to the clubs that people my age join, to the expectations of my kids and grandkids.”

This brings me to some recent conversations that I have had with my long-time friend, Rick. Are we, as Christians, different enough? Do we look so much like the world around us, that people just cannot tell the difference? Or, do we just have a silly Christian sub-culture that has its own conformities? Rick has been wrestling with these questions, and so have I.

A simple look at the statistics tells you that Christians give more money to charity, volunteer more to help others, adopt more children, and provide more day-to-day assistance to those around them than any other group of people. But, is that enough?

It is also easy to look out on the Christians that I meet and see that they are just as in debt up to their eyeballs as the rest of the world, far too many of their marriages are a wreck just like the rest of the world, they have just as many grudges and broken relationships as the rest of the world, there are racists, political radicals, and hypocrites – just like the rest of the world. The umbrella of our name contains such people as the hateful Fred Phelps, the charlatans of televangelism, the smooth-talking salesmen like Joel Olsteen, and the senile and grumpy Pat Robertson.

Is this who we are? Are we just another club to join that’s just like everyone else in the world, or are we supposed to be something different?

It is easy to criticize other people, to look at the Christians around me and wonder, “Why aren’t you doing more?” It’s quite popular for Christian book writers, bloggers, and others to disparage other Christian groups: ‘Megachurches are too worldly,’ ‘That group of churches are too judgmental,’ ‘your church isn’t holy if it doesn’t have such and such ministry,’ ‘you should teach this, but you don’t,’ ‘You’re not following Jesus if you…,’ or ‘__________ says (fill in the blank with Donald Miller, N.T. Wright, Rob Bell, John Piper, Bono, or any other name in the pantheon of minor Christian celebrities),’ etc. etc. etc. But, (and here is a very big but), I have to start with myself.

When I read Romans 12:1-2, it makes me wonder how transformed I am, or have I remained like the world. Though Jesus tells me in Mathew 6:1-6 that I am not supposed to show off my good works, he also says in Matthew 5:13-16 that I am supposed to be a light to the world. Now, I get the difference here: I am not to do good works, such as giving to charity in front of others so that others will see and congratulate me. And, I’m not supposed to pray high and holy prayers in front of others so they will think that I am über-spiritual. Ultimately, my personality, my life choices, my financial decisions, by choice of entertainment, the way I treat others, my ego/humility, my attitude, my very being should reflect that I am a changed man because of my relationship to the Messiah.

When you meet me, do you see love? Am I a joyful person, content in all circumstance? Am I a peacemaker, bringing others together and being humble enough to seek peace from those I’ve hurt and those who have hurt me? Am I patient (I know I definitely need some work here). Do I exude kindness, do I treat others as if they are better than me? Am I good? Do I consistently try to make the right choice daily, or do I make a lot of selfish choices? Am I faithful, can my God, my wife, my family, and my friends count on my loyalty and support? Am I gentle to those around me, not bullying, not being pushy, not ignoring those who need help? Do I exhibit self-control, willing to accept delayed gratification, being temperate in what I eat, how I spend, what I own, and how I deal with people?

Do I exhibit generosity, even when I don’t have much?

Do I seek reconciliation, even when I am the one who was wronged?

Do I love people, even those who are difficult to love?

Do I care for others, not just those who look like me?

Do I treat people well, even those who persecute me?

Do I struggle with my faith, trying to put into practice, or do I just do religious service as a habit?

Am I actually relevant because I make a difference, or am I just trying to be relevant by acting a certain way?

When other’s look at me, is my life different enough from the materialistic, self-centered, values of the rest of the world that they are puzzled by it?

These questions and thoughts aren’t meant to be narcissistic, navel-gazing. These are the questions and thoughts I would ask of any member of my congregation, any one that I mentor, any of my children, and anyone who claims to follow Jesus. If we aren't struggling with this, perhaps we should be. Our very message of hope is diminished if it looks to everyone else that it hasn't made a difference in our own lives.

These are questions that I struggle with and I’m not always very happy with the honest answers. But, God help me, I’m trying.

It is my hope to be like an Easter egg sitting in the middle of a box of plain old white eggs. I want to be gloriously different enough that people can tell the difference (not to glorify myself, but to point to the God that I serve). I just hope that I’m not the cracked one.

Am I different enough?

Are you?

Ten Things the Government Needs to Learn About Budgeting That I Learned From Running a Church

2011-04-07T17:33:00.000-07:00

Here we are again. It’s crunch time and the politicians are making a big fuss about the budget. Democrats blame the Republicans, Republicans blame the Democrats, the sky is blue, grass is green… Such is life.

In the past two years, I have become the Senior Pastor at a small church here in Phoenix. As a youth pastor for years, I never had to worry much about the budget, the elders and Senior Pastor did that. Now, it’s my job and I’ve learned that it is harder than I ever realized. Running a church is really just running a small business from a financial point of view*. Running a Government is no different from running a small business, either, just a matter of scale.

I’m still trying to get my mind around all of the issues of the business side of church, but here are some lessons I’ve learned that might just help Congress.

1. It’s easy to nickel and dime your way to deficit spending.

Most of the issues I’ve encountered when it comes to going over budget aren’t about the big expenses. Yes, occasionally an AC compressor will give out in July or an irrigation accident will destroy a neighbor’s yard and require repair, but the truth is, it’s all the little expenses here and there that build up. Paper is $35 a case. Toner is $120 a cartridge. We chose to print a hundred of those posters and suddenly, we are over budget. Workday projects, repairs, and maintenance always cost twice what you expected and necessitate three trips to Home Depot. Whoops, we did it again. This is what makes budgeting so hard, because $28 here and $55 there doesn’t sound like much until you do it too many times.

2. It’s easier to spend when it’s someone else’s money

My family is all about debt-free living. We don’t use credit cards, we don’t get car loans, and we try very hard to consider our expenses so we don’t overspend. However, when it comes to making choices of what to buy or not to buy at work, it’s easier to think, “Oh, we’ll just move the money over from another area to cover it,” or, “This item is on sale and we’ll surely use it someday, so we’ll go ahead and buy it now and replenish the fund later.” The problem is: it’s much easier to be brutally realistic about finances when you are talking about paying the rent to keep the roof over your head and paying the electric bill to keep your own lights on.

3. You don’t reduce the deficit, cut it entirely and work on paying off debt.

My earliest recollection of politics comes from the budget fights of the early eighties. I remember the politicians saying, time and time again, “We must cut the deficit.” Even as a teenager, that sounded very weird. I wasn’t even good at math, but I knew that a negative is a negative whether it was $1000 or $1 billion dollars. That’s like trying to dig yourself out of a hole by using a trowel instead of a spade. Either way, you’re still digging a deeper hole. Nope, you gotta learn to live within your means and NEVER spend in the negative.

4. There’s always a bunch of good things to do with the money, but not always a bunch of money to do good things with.

Church is all about this. There’s always someone who has a ministry need. The homeless need fed. The orphans need shoes. People in Africa need medicine. People in Japan just had a natural disaster. Poor families need Christmas presents. Missionaries need sent. Tots need toys. Trees need angels. Drives need canned food. On and on and on and on. All of these are good things, and all cost money. The simple truth is we just cannot do them all. We have to say, “No,” to some of them. That hurts, that’s difficult, and that’s absolutely necessary.

5. Look at your priorities.

Yup, that’s what this comes down to. Prioritizing. Sounds easy, right? List all your bills in order of urgency. Begin dividing up your money to pay for those. Then, create a rainy day fund and put a good percentage of money into that account to cover unforeseen problems. Then, if (IF) there is money left over, begin adding those things you want to do in priority order. Parcel out any remaining funds for those items until you run out of money. Then, say, “I’m Sorry,” to the rest of the items.

6. Consider other options to pay for things.

So, there are good things leftover from your list (see items 4 & 5 above). Gosh, there is one of them that you really, really want to do. It’s such a good idea, but we just don’t have the money in the budget for it. Great. Let’s do it. Here’s how: go to the people and sell it to them. Tell them what a great idea it is and why we should do it. If they’re on board, then they’ll help pay for it. If not, then back to the drawing board. What other ways might we fundraise for this? Who else can we get behind this idea that might help? Where else can we cut or where else can we earn the money to make it happen? What if the church as a whole doesn’t provide for it, but individuals within the church who are passionate about it get creative and make it work?

This leads us to an especially important message for the American People and our Silly Politicians. Are you ready… Wait for it…

The Government is not the only one who can provide money for good things to happen! Whoa! Step Back! You mean that private investors can do charity? You mean that churches and community groups can be responsible for some of this stuff? You mean families can actually help each other? You mean communities can get together and make something work? All of this without our Mommy the Government doing it for us?

Abso-stinkin-lutely!

7. Good stewardship matters for good character.

I know you may not believe it, but church is not about money. Our message is one of hope and truth. We point people to a righteous God. But, our message gets awfully muddled when we misuse the money that is entrusted with us. Why would someone trust us to listen to our message if we aren’t open and transparent about something as basic as our finances? Why would someone believe that God wants us to care for the poor if the church community spends all its money on events for themselves? Where is our integrity when we say we care about the poor in third-world nations who live on less than a dollar a day, but we spend $50 million on a new building for our church to meet in? As a church, the message is simple: people see the way we spend our money and it reflects on their perception of the truth of our message.

Dear Congress, this applies to you. America was once a shining beacon in the world. Is it anymore? If we expect people in developing nations to believe that democracy works, we’d better be showing them that it does. Our message of the American Way is marred by our financial failures.

8. Someone has to pay the bills and it ain’t fair to leave it for someone else.

A house of cards is bound to come tumbling down someday. It’s funny, but there is a parable about building your house on sand versus building it on solid rock. Now, Jesus wasn’t talking about our budget there, but the lesson still rings true with our finances. We may be able to spend in a deficit for a few years (or generations if you are the government). We can get away with it for a little while, but eventually the bills are going to be called in. It will be time to pay up. It just isn’t right to spend freely now, knowing our children will one day face crushing austerity measures and crumbling economy, just so we selfishly can have everything we want now. For a household, this may mean bankruptcy. For a church, it could very well close us down. For a nation, the end results are almost unthinkable.

9. Brutal Realism is Required.

This is true of thousand dollar family budgets, hundreds of thousand dollar church budgets, multi-million dollar industry budgets, and trillion dollar governments. When it comes time to cut, EVERYBODY must give a little. Pet projects must go by the wayside. If they are good, then maybe they can return someday. This is probably the biggest problem we face as a nation. Everyone agrees that the budget must be cut, but nobody is willing to give away their pet project. The arts community wants the budget cut, just not the National Endowment for the Arts. Soldiers want the budget cut, just not a dime from the military. Teachers want the budget cut, but nothing from the schools. Seniors talk about how they lived through tight times in the depression, but the AARP isn’t about to discuss ANY changes to Social Security or Medicare. It doesn’t matter whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, you want everyone else to tighten their belt, just not you. It’s time to cut everywhere. It’s hard, but sometimes you have to go through EVERY line item on the budget and make adjustments. It hurts, but it is necessary.

10. Yes, budgeting is Hard – Quit Whining About It.

I hate numbers. I detest accounting. I loathe detail work. So what? It’s my job and I have to buckle down and do it. Every year, we have to look at the budget. We have to crunch numbers. We have to make hard decisions. We have to give up things. We have to say, ‘No.’ So, I get a cup of coffee, treat myself to a donut that I’m not allowed to have, I sigh a little; and then I get to work.

Dear Congress and Mr. President (of any administration and any party). Despite what you may have been led to believe, we did NOT send you there to enrich yourself. We sent you there to make hard decisions and to be leaders. Please listen clearly to the following Public Service Announcement: “Suck It Up!!!” Quit whining, work together, give till it hurts, and tell the lobbyists and your own constituents, “I know you want this, but we just can’t afford this, so the answer is No.”

There are some who would say all of this is naïve. Sure, this stuff applies to households and small businesses, but the government just doesn’t work that way. Well, they are right about that last part: it doesn’t work. What we are doing with our money doesn’t work; it is a house of cards that is past due for a collapse. We, the American people of any party, truly are naïve if we think this can continue much longer.

I don't have all the answers, and trust me, this is still a work in progress in my own life. But, I do know that this lesson will be learned someday... The easy way or the hard way.

* Oddly enough, I wasn’t required to take a single class in Bible College or Seminary called How To Run A Small Business 101.

That Bad Word

2011-03-08T11:26:00.000-07:00

Ralphie Gets His Mouth Washed Out
"A Christmas Story" 1983

Don’t use that word!!! That word is so bad, I would say that any kid who uses it have their mouth washed out with soap. Except, this word is not one that kids use, it’s one that adults use – and they just won’t hold still to have their mouths washed out with soap.

NO, I’m not talking about the ‘N’ word or the ‘F’ word, or even the ‘L’ word (thanks HBO). At least these words get abbreviated in polite society, but not the one I’m talking about. No, people come right out and say the ‘Ph’ word unapologetically.

There is a rise in the use of the ‘Ph’ word in the past couple of years, and it just needs to stop. News media uses it frequently. Special interests like to use it a lot too. The most frequent abusers tend to be on one side of the political spectrum, but I predict we’ll see it on both sides more and more if we don’t stop it.

The word is ‘phobia’ along with all its permutations (phobe, phobic, etc). It started to gain use with the word ‘Homophobia’ (a person who is ostensibly afraid of homosexuals)* and now it is being tagged onto the end of the word Islam as in Islamaphobe (a person who is ostensibly afraid of Muslims). Who knows what it’s going to be tagged onto next?

By tagging the word ‘phobe’ onto the end of another word, you suggest that a person on the other side not only disagrees, but actually has mental issues as the basis for them not being on board with you. This allows you to shut down all debate and intelligent discourse on the subject. No one wants to be smeared with the suggestion that they have mental problems. So, it’s easier not to say anything because you’ll be painted as the unreasonable one. What a useful tool for those who don’t want to bother having logical arguments about their position or actually thinking through the other side’s reasons.

When you step back and look at it, it really is a silly idea:

Are my Republican friends Democrataphobes?

Are my gay friends Straightaphobes?

Are my Atheist friends Religiophobes?

My daughter likes vanilla ice cream, does that make her a Chocophobe?

I am attracted to long-haired brunettes (Love you, Honey). Does that make me a Blondophobe?

As you see, this can get downright ridiculous. Just because you have an opposing opinion or think differently on a matter doesn’t make you afraid of the other side. It really is an adult version of name-calling. We call that Ad-hominem for those of you who weren’t geeky enough to be in debate in High School. The purpose is to demonize those who disagree with you in order to shut them up.

It’s unfair, unkind, and unethical.

So, let’s knock it off.

There are 310 million people in the United States, and so it’s pretty likely that we will all disagree once in awhile. The childish way to deal with this is to use name-calling, threats, and low-blows. The adult way to deal with this is to discuss and debate using fair argument, logic, and respectful dialog.

Guess what, we still won’t all agree. But, we can learn to live with each other, learn to win some and lose some, and learn to get along as adults.

Or, we can continue using bad words till we get our mouths washed out with soap.

Tank Abbott
could pound me into
the ground too making
me a tankaphobe

* I have to honestly admit that I have been a homophobe on one occasion. I worked with a woman who was a lesbian, and her girlfriend was built like Tank Abbott and had an attitude to match (looked a little like him too). I am man enough to admit that I was afraid to disagree with her, because she could pound me into the ground. But that’s the closest I’ve ever been to being a homophobe.

His Name Was Al - The Full Story

2010-11-01T13:14:00.001-07:00

The flame that I lit
in Al's memory.

This past Sunday, our church held an All Saints Celebration to remember those friends and family that we knew who walked on our life Journey with us and have passed on. I shared in my sermon about Pastor Al who shared Christ with me.

Click Here to Visit the MVCC Monday Morning Bible Blog Where You Can Here the Sermon and the Whole Service for All Saint's Celebration.

Here is the full story:

I did not grow up with religion. My parents had briefly gone to the Jehovah’s Witnesses around the time I was seven or eight years old, but that stopped quickly and I never really went to church after that. I grew up with a bent towards debate and argument. This was not the gentle sort of argument but an arrogant and self-assured idea that I was right about everything, and you’d better agree or I would pound you into submission with all the arguments I could muster.

This only got worse as I got out of High School and went into college for the first time. I thoroughly enjoyed tweaking religious people's noses in arguments. I pretty much always believed in a Creator, but never knew who he/she/it/they could be. I did a lot of research, reading the major religious 'bibles' and reading about religions, but never believed any of them - generally because of major inconsistencies in their belief systems and the way I saw the believers act.

During college, I worked part time at a bank and ultimately ended up staying there as a department manager. One of my employees was a Christian named Judy and was the wife of a pastor. Judy good-naturedly began talking to me about Christ. Though I usually got into knock-down/drag-out arguments with people who tried to evangelize me, I liked Judy and so I discussed it with her on several occasions. Though I am sure that my outlook on religion was frustrating for her, she was honest and open about mistakes of the Church and that impressed me. During one of our many conversations, I was frustrating Judy again and she suddenly stopped and said, "One day, God is gonna get you and when He does, He is going to use you for some great work. He might even make you a pastor." I laughed. But I never forgot her saying that.

When my fiancé and I were looking to get married, Judy’s husband Al was the only pastor that I knew, so we asked him to perform the ceremony. At the same time, we began visiting a local church to find out about renting the facility.

Pastor Al said he would agree to perform the ceremony, only after we had pre-marital counseling. We agreed to meet with him. I had my doubts because I figured that he would use this opportunity to ‘cram religion down my throat’ (what a silly concept, but that’s what I thought). I was ready for him, I had all my arguments marshaled and was ready to fight.

On the first night of pre-marriage counselling, Pastor Al didn’t talk a lot about religion, but asked us many questions about ourselves and our relationship. He ended the evening by telling us that he would not perform the ceremony because Becky and I had such disparate belief systems that would eventually tear us apart. I left angry and my wife-to-be left in tears. At her urging, called him back the next day to talk about it. I asked if we could meet again and said I was willing to listen. He agreed and we all went out to a restaurant for dinner and discussion. My wife Becky and his wife Judy sat there all night saying almost nothing as Al and I talked it out.

I lead the conversation off by telling him that I didn’t want his religion because the Bible was full of errors and Christians were a bunch of hypocrites. He smiled and picked up a Bible that he had on the seat and slid it across the table to me. “Errors, huh?, show me one,” he said, looking right through me with a stern but amused stare. I knew several off the top of my head, but didn’t know where to find them. I never needed to in the past; all the other Christians I’d met crumbled when I started listing them.

We closed down that restaurant that night. We talked until they made us leave. He answered every question I had, dealt with every argument logically, and challenged my thinking. He admitted when he didn’t have all the answers and he too talked about the mistakes that the church has made in the past. When we left that night, he agreed to meet again and reconsider the wedding.

Al ultimately did perform the ceremony for us, though I wasn’t a Christian. It was several more years of study and questioning before I became a Christian. Judy was right, though, once God got a hold on my, He hasn’t let go. He has used me for many things, some great and some small, and I believe that He has more in store. Judy was right about one other thing… I am a pastor now.

Thank you Al and Judy.

Postscript: Pastor Al passed away in 2006 and I never got to tell him, “Thank You” in person. Though it saddens me and fills me with regret, I live with the promise that one day I will see him again and be able to tell him then.

Rodger

Articles of Faith

2010-09-03T16:09:00.002-07:00

Newly discovered species from partial jawbone and partial legbone!

Evolution shows that humans aren’t wired for monogamy, especially men!

God had no role in the creation of the universe!

In the past few weeks, I have read three articles by scientists, who manage to poo-poo faith and religion while simultaneously demonstrating that they, themselves, hold their own faith and religion.

The first article was about a potential new species that was discovered. It seems some paleontologists located a part of a jawbone and a fragment of a leg bone that points to a new species of ocean going animal that may have been a predecessor of land animals. They go on to tell the foods it ate, the way it hunted, and the unique ways it could walk on land and swim in the sea. An artist’s sketch was given to help us picture it in its original environment. Wait a moment! Back up the train here. The tiny piece of jawbone and the leg bone fragment were pictured. The jawbone didn’t even have any teeth left in it. These small pieces of bone told us all of that!?!?!? The credulity required to believe these jumps-to-conclusion is beyond me. While I am sure that we can learn something from these bones, can we really reconstruct an entire beast from these small pieces? Can we really make assumptions on its ‘evolution,’ its hunting and mating habits, and its physique? It sounds more like a fairy-tales about dragons coming from dinosaur fossils than real science.

The second article explained that men aren’t wired for monogamy. When it comes to cheating on our wives, we just can’t help ourselves: evolution is to blame. "Men sport the longest and thickest penis of all primates", the author tells us. Try not to picture this author in the Congo, chasing down a gorilla with a ruler and calipers. He goes on to say that Homo-sapien women have “pendulous breasts” and “impossible-to-ignore cries of sexual delight.” At this point, I'm definitely following this article. How fun is that? These characteristics, when compared to a few historic nomadic cultures and a species of monkey that likes group sex, proves that men are made for polyamorous relationships so that we spread our seed around. The titillating text of this article made it a fun read, and I’m sure some dumb buffoon of a husband will use it as an excuse next time he gets caught with his wife’s best friend. (I’m pretty sure that my wife ain’t falling for it) But, the simple truth here is that the article is ridiculous in the number of assumptions that it makes. I can’t help but think that the author (a man of course) was building an alibi more than writing a serious book. Perhaps he should try his hand at writing Penthouse Letters instead of scholarly texts.

The final article was a snippet from the new book by Stephen Hawking, explaining that, because of the existence of gravity, the extremely large number of planets in the universe and the likelihood of multiple universes; chance alone explains the creation of something from nothing (the creation of our universe). While Stephen Hawking is a brilliant scientist, far beyond my mental capacity, he begins with the premise that there is not God and therefore, all creation can be explained by chance. Except that it can’t. The logic flaw of ex nihilo creation still exists in a universe of physical laws.

I am not a scientist. I don’t even play one on television. I am a man of faith. That doesn’t mean that I am ignorant or that I throw logic out the window. Quite the opposite, my belief system is based on logic and evidence… up to a point. At that point, I have faith.

I can be honest about that. I’m not sure these guys are able to do that.

The scientific community and the fringe pseudo-science hangers-on would have us believe that all their work is based solely on rationality and demonstrable facts. Yet the truth is, closer examination shows them to be men and women of faith too. They begin with the premise that God does not exist. They begin with the assumption that their idea of evolution is an undeniable fact. They begin with the idea that they have all the necessary knowledge and cannot possibly be mistaken. In their hubris, they miss their own faith, deny their own belief systems, and they presume to instruct us.

These articles, and many other like them, are articles of faith.

I don’t have any problem with science, or even the idea of evolution*, just the lack of intellectual honesty from those who would call themselves intellectuals.

* I do NOT believe that science and religion are incompatible and I stand against those who say, “You just have to have faith,” or “God doesn’t want you to think about these things.” I believe that God gave us our minds and the gift of rational thought. We should use it. I also do not believe that creation and evolution are mutually exclusive. That, of course, is a much longer discussion, but ultimately, I believe that God created the universe, and it was well within His power to use any tools that He desired to make its creatures.

One Word

2010-08-31T08:56:00.001-07:00

Broken.

That’s the only word I have for it.

Broken.

Broken pavement on the roads.

Broken windows in the houses.

Broken glass on the playground.

Broken hearts from the abuse, incest, and rape.

Broken families from the poverty and unemployment.

Broken lives from gang murder, drugs, and alcohol.

Broken.

Less than 2 hours from the jobs available in Phoenix, less than 50 miles from the affluent bounty of Superstition Springs Mall, is the San Carlos Apache Indian Reservation.

Less than a day ago, I went with a ministry co-worker, Amber, for a tour of the reservation where we saw for ourselves the pain and desperation of this place.

Stories. We heard lots of stories. A twelve year old boy murdered by gang members. A pre-teen girl whose uncle got her drunk in an attempt to molest her. A young teen boy who attempted suicide in a house full of his younger siblings and cousins. Girls pregnant at the young age of 13-15. Those same girls, grandmas at thirty, sobering up for the first time so they can take care of their grandchildren for their addicted daughters. Corrupt politicians handing out free 40s of malt liquor in order to garner votes. Husbands taking the $250 a month the family lives on to gamble at the casino only to lose it all.

We saw things too. A mom, with her two children, whose only notable fact was she happened to be sober for once. Graffiti and gang symbols everywhere. Sheds, shanties, rusted out cars, and tarps where whole families live without electricity or running water. A police officer’s home, with bars on the windows next to a drug dealer’s home. Broken Colt 45 beer bottles on the kids playgrounds.

I have no words to describe the heartache that I felt from seeing and hearing all of this.

I do have another word, though.

Hope.

The ministry that gave us the tour builds homes for the homeless on the reservation.

They provide back-to-school backpacks and supplies for kids.

They provide Christmas stockings and presents to families.

They are working on a battered women’s shelter.

They have a bus ministry that we got to take part in. The bus drives through the neighborhoods and stops periodically and toots its horn. Kids come running from houses all around to get a chance to go on the bus. It then pulls up in an empty field next to a basketball court and the kids sing, get a Bible lesson, eat a snack, and then take part in games and crafts. I got to hand out otter-pops to 45 smiling children, teach a young boy named Jay how to roller skate, and play basketball with a couple of other boys. As we were leaving, Jay came up and handed me a rock, saying, “I found this cool rock for you, thank you for helping me to skate.”

Children are the same everywhere. In the midst of poverty and abuse, on a playground covered with shattered glass and trash, they are still able to play and smile.

All they need is a little hope.

It’s there, in the ministry of a few people who care enough to sacrifice lives of comfort and material comfort in order to minister to those who need.

Hope.

Hope for shelter and food.

Hope for a safe place to grow up.

Hope for an education that will someday provide for them.

Hope for healthy relationships and families.

Hope for freedom from addiction and abuse.

Hope for the future.

Hope.

If you would like to help out, visit www.azrez.org and donate your time and money. Take a trip with them to build houses. Donate school supplies and Christmas stockings stuffed with presents. Donate Walmart gift cards or donate cash.

Lights

2010-08-26T10:51:00.002-07:00

Love everyone… This includes people who think differently than you, difficult people, and those who have hurt you.

Feed the hungry and give water to the thirsty.

Visit the prisoner.

Provide for the widow

Care for the orphan.

Invite in the stranger and immigrant.

Be hospitable.

Clothe the naked.

Care for the sick.

Stand up for the marginalized and defenseless ones.

Be humble. Treat others as better than yourself.

Speak carefully.

Be slow to anger.

Don’t show favoritism towards the rich, famous, or powerful.

Don’t love money and don't be a slave to it. Be wise and generous with your finances.

Practice justice.

Give mercy.

Shelter the homeless.

Don’t envy.

Don’t be selfish.

Make peace whenever possible.

Be gentle, kind, and caring.

Don’t be arrogant and boastful.

Be patient.

Use your gifts to help others.

Be self-controlled.

Don’t be hypocrites.

Speak the truth but don’t be a jerk about it.

Be trustworthy. People should believe what you say.

Don’t talk bad about others. Gossip and slander are destructive.

Do good deeds. Even when it’s hard. Even when others don’t.

Be respectable. Live so you have a good reputation with others.

Do what is right, even if you suffer for it.

Don’t drink, eat, party, or anything else to excess.

Be clear-minded and alert.

Serve others even when it means sacrificing your own comfort, especially if it means sacrifice.

Treat those older than you with respect and those younger as brothers and sisters.

If someone has screwed up in life, restore them gently.

Don’t listen to liars, idiots, or those who stir up trouble.

Respect and obey the government so. Even the ones you didn’t vote for.

Don’t fight with one another and don’t be quarrelsome and divisive.

Don’t sleep around, treat your body and others with respect.

Be a good example.

Take care of your own family, whether you like them or not.

Live with joy and contentment even in tough times.

Be generous and willing to share.

Respect your parents and treat your kids well.

Treat your spouse well.

Forgive those who have hurt you. Quickly.

Don’t take what doesn’t belong to you.

Be honest in your business dealings.

Don’t be a slave to pleasure and entertainment.

Study God’s word and teach them to others.

Don’t put up with false teaching.

Pray.

It’s not about gimmicky services. It’s not about ‘relevant’ music. It’s not about being seeker sensitive. It’s not about bigger and better props. It’s not about rock star preachers and self-help messages. It’s not about growth at any price. It’s not about hooks to get them in the door so we can spring the trap on them. It’s not even about us versus them.

We shouldn’t have to paint up the gospel like a $20 hooker in order to try to attract people. P.T. Barnum showmanship and used-car-salesman trickery have no place in the body of Christ. If you believe that ostentatious glitter and flashy extravaganzas are what is required to for people to come to belief, then that suggests to me that you don’t believe that the gospel is enough yourself.

Neither should we be the obnoxious and arrogant evangelists who beat people with a twisted gospel or try to trick them into hearing it with cartoon tracts and baited questions. Protest signs, angry words, and megaphones have no place here either.

It’s about a radically gentle, life-changing love that affects us enough to become living evidence to others. It’s about individual, personal change and the struggle of daily turning towards God and His way, as evidenced in the list above. It’s about walking together through good times and hard times. It’s about turning away from the world of self-aggrandizement, self-enrichment, and selfish pleasure. That was the message at the beginning and that is the only relevant message in a world of distraction and dissipation that we live in today.

If our lives actually reflected change, people might actually see our deeds and realize the truth of God’s message. It’s almost as if that’s in the Bible (Matthew 5:16, 1Peter 2:12)

The message of the cross is offensive only because it acknowledges the evil in all of us, even those who think they are good people. And,it offers grace to everyone, even those we don’t like or we don’t feel deserve it. If we offend people with the gospel for any other reason, we are not being faithful to the message.

Read the above list* again. This is what a follower of Jesus looks like. I think that the rest of the world would have much less problems with ‘Christians’ if more of us looked like this.

Do your deeds reflect God’s message?

Do your actions demonstrate your faith?

Does your life show that you believe in something that matters? Does your growth and discipleship demonstrate a way that might help others? Do your actions exhibit a faith that is a light to others?

If your friends, coworkers, family, and neighbors didn’t know you went to church services, would they still know you were a follower of Jesus?

Perhaps it is time for each individual in the church and the church as a whole to take Peter’s advice in 1Peter 3:3-4.

³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.

Let us become lights to this world through our quiet but active devotion to our God and to the people around us. Let each of us be like a simple, single candle burning in the darkness instead of trying to be garish neon facades like the Las Vegas strip.

* this list is a compilation of exhortations and admonitions taken from the Gospels and Epistles of the New Testament.