Dear Mr. Advice Columnist

Dear Mr. Advice Columnist,

I have a family member in trouble and hope you can help.   It’s affecting our whole family.  My uncle is out of control and I am not sure how to deal with it.    He may be senile or possibly suffering from dementia.  He used to be a likeable guy, very popular, and really had his life together.   Don’t get me wrong, he made mistakes, but he was a better guy than most people.  He was extremely frugal and built up quite a large amount of wealth.  That’s where the problem begins.  He started giving money away, to the point that he cannot pay his own bills.  He gives it to family members, strangers on the street, and even people in other places he doesn’t even know.  He buys them all sorts of things they don’t really need or that they could buy for themselves.  He has been supporting many of them, buying groceries and even paying their bills for them.  I don’t mind him helping the ones who are really in trouble, but most of them could pay these things themselves with a little financial responsibility and realistic budgeting.  But, with him paying for so much, they aren’t learning how to take care of themselves; they just keep taking from him.

I wouldn’t mind so much, but we all live together on the same piece of land that we inherited from my great-grandparents.  And, since we all share title, his financial choices are affecting us all.  What’s more, we have a joint checking account and every time I get a little money, he takes half of it and gives it away to other people.  He has actually run out of money himself and has been borrowing great amounts of credit to keep giving money away.  I’ve tried talking to my family about all of this, but since so many of them receive money from him, they don’t seem to care that we are living on borrowed time.  My cousins all think it’s no big deal.  They say that by the time the money runs out from all the credit cards and bank loans that they’ll all be dead anyway.  They don’t seem to care that their children will be horribly affected by my uncle’s mistakes and they really don’t care that it is affecting those of us that are trying to pay our own way.

What can I do?

Anxious in Arizona

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 Dear Anxious In Arizona,

It’s your Uncle Sam, isn’t it.  I know that guy.  Well, the bad news is, the problem will never be fixed till your family works together to get each of themselves on a budget.  Then they can begin insisting that he cut his spending and get him on a realistic budget.  But, as long as so many of them receive money from his largess and won’t choose to be financially healthy themselves, you’ll never change anything.  I wish I could give you more hope, but as long as people act for their own selfish interests and take no personal responsibility, you are stuck. 

Mr. Advice Columnist