Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

It Doesn't Just Happen


WARNING – The contents of this blog will be offensive to some people. If you can’t handle graphic comments then please don’t read the following. If you choose to read, please don’t comment that you find the statements distasteful, we are going for total honesty here. Adults Only!
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This whole thing with Tiger Woods and his plethora of mistresses has started to fade away, but the commentary continues. I have nothing personal against Tiger, but I do decry the choices that he made. What bothers me about Tiger, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Jim McGreevy, Bill Clinton and others is the statements that they make after the fact. There is a sense that, “It just happened” or, “I made a mistake.”
The truth is, infidelity of this sort does NOT just happen. There is a quote from the TV Show Friends that applies here; “What did you mean to stick it in, her purse?” These men did not just walk down the street, stumble against a pretty girl and accidentally copulate.
A recent article talked about people in online worlds such as Second Life having entire second lives including an online ‘spouse.’ There are divorces that occur because one spouse has met someone else on the internet and fallen in love with them. Office romances occur when you work lots of hours with someone and grow close to them. All of these are choices that lead to infidelity.
Fidelity in marriage comes from daily choices to love your spouse and to rebuff others. Having a faithful marriage is never an accident. Neither is adultery. The simple truth is that being married does not turn off your libido. There is no doubt about it, sex is fun and you will desire to have sex with people who are not your spouse. You will be emotionally and sexually attracted to other people in your life. The question is, will you make the choices and take the steps that moves you away from them, towards your spouse or will you choose to move towards them and threaten the destruction of your marriage.
When any of these men were in the act of having sex with their mistresses, they were in a position (no pun intended) that they chose. What’s more, they had already made a hundred choices to get to that point and at any point they could have come to their senses and chosen to reverse the process. They chose to continue spending time with the person after they were attracted to her. They chose to say, “yes” to going out with her. They chose to go back to a private place with her. They chose to get physical with her. And they chose to do the deed. They could have chosen at any time to get out of bed, pull up their pants, put the cigar away, and driven away. But they chose the momentary pleasure of getting their rocks off over the long term joy of a faithful marriage.
Sex is NOT a bad thing. Frankly it is an amazing gift from God. I am personally a fan (I’ll bet there is a Facebook Fan Page for it. But, sleeping around cheapens sex and ruins relationships. Every time you do it with someone, you lose a little of yourself…unless, that person is your spouse and it is part of a healthy marriage relationship, then you gain a little every time. Genesis 2:24-25 paints a clear and beautiful picture of how God meant it to be: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Naked and Unashamed: that's how you close you are supposed to be with your spouse, not with anyone else.
If these men had chosen to invest as much time, energy, attention, and romance with their wives as they spent on their mistresses, then I guarantee that they wouldn’t have needed the mistress for a sexual outlet. It’s amazing how much a marriage can recover with time and attention and how much it can be destroyed by infidelity. Rarely do marriages recover from infidelity. This is the worst betrayal that can happen. When you make the choices that lead to this, it is not an accident and it is inexcusable. Please don’t make it worse by making excuses about how it “just happened.” Make the choice ahead of time that this behavior is unacceptable. Make the choice to daily love your spouse and to refuse all others.
You have my permission to go have sex with your spouse now. Everyone else should go take a cold shower.
P.S. Honey, I'll be home early tonight.

Friday, September 4, 2009

Ten Things in the Bible That I Wish Christians Would Move Past For Awhile

Top Ten Things In the Bible That I Wish Christians Would Move Past For Awhile
I will probably get hate mail and arguments on this one. Sacred cows are so hard to kill. It isn’t that some things are necessarily un-biblical or that they aren’t something to be educated about, it is just that I think we get sidetracked on our own pet issues and forget that our job is to make disciples, to share the Gospel of grace for the lost, and to put our religion into practice by helping the poor, supporting widows, adopting orphans, feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, etc. The message of the cross is offensive because it promises grace to all who sin (but they have to recognize their sin) if they believe. Why are we offending people with side issues?
Before you read more, please note that I could argue each of these point much more, but my very point is that I believe we spend too much time on these items. Also, this is my blog and therefore my opinions. Take them as you will.
Number 10: The End. The book of Revelation. More specifically, End Times Theology (A.K.A. Eschatology). As a pastor, I have to know the four Orthodox views and understand their strengths and weaknesses, but everyone else needs to read Matthew 25 and understand our job is to be ready, not to force current events into a tight mold of what we think might happen. (For the record, I don't think that Obama is the Anti-Christ.) This issue of eschatology distracts us from the real message of grace and gets us into pointless debates over an issue that is ultimately God's responsibility, not ours. Our responsibility is readiness.
Number 9: The Beginning. Creation and Evolution. Genesis 1:1 is important, because it is the start of faith. God created all things. As to the rest of Genesis 1 & 2, it is not a literal science textbook. Those that take this as an exact, literal, word for word explanation (with no regard for the poetic style of the language) of creation end up with crazy ideas like dinosaurs walking around with people. This issue distracts us from the real message of grace and confuses non-believers about what we are about.
Number 8: John 3:16. Yes, it is a beautiful look at God’s love and grace. But, if I see one more John 3:16 sign at a football game or held by some scraggly looking weirdo on the street corner yelling at me through a bullhorn, I might just start throwing things. Do you really think that is an effective way to reach people? Is that what Jesus did? Is that what the apostles did? I don’t think so.
Number 7: Denominations. In light of 1 Corinthians 3:1-9 and Ephesians 4:1-6, how can we still hold ourselves separate from one another and still believe we are being faithful to our calling? Whether you are Lutheran, Baptist, Presbyterian, Anglican, Church of Christ, Nazarene, Methodist, et. al, you are my brothers in Christ. Much of what we have split over in the past are minor issues of interpretation and worship style. Ditch the names on the sign, seek unity with other bodies and just follow Jesus.
Number 6: Legalism. Forbidding rated R Movies, card playing, dancing, and alcohol as well as legalistic attempts at following Old Testament Laws. Hello, I have a book to introduce you to: Galatians. We aren’t supposed to add to the law or try to carry the law anymore. Growth in Christ comes from relationship with God not from artificial rules. Choosing out Rated R movies has two issues: first, try reading the Old Testament, it is Rated R in many parts and NC17 in others; second, there are some excellent rated R movies that deal with powerful issues and there are some PG and PG-13 that are terrible and offensive. Instead of blanket condemnation, try using your discernment, that’s why God gave it to you. As to card playing and dancing, they aren’t even in the Bible. Drunkeness is forbidden, but not the use of alcohol. Finally, the most devout legalists that I have met still disregard some of the law. Try reading James 2:10. I have yet to meet a legalist who does not cut the forelocks of his hair or clip his beard (Leviticus 19:27).
Number 5: Prayer of Jabez and Health/Wealth Gospel. God loves you and wants you to be rich, just buy my book for $34.95 and you will learn how God can make you rich. To quote the late, great poet Janis Joplin (luv you Janis), “O Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz.” This is a popular movement today in our consumerist, materialistic society. It completely disregards the message of Jesus of course and has no basis whatsoever in the Bible, but Oh well, it’s easier to believe. I frankly think that we need to focus on getting all materialism out of the church. This has to be a teaching and discipling choice. If children are starving, if people are going without necessary health-care, if anyone is homeless; how can we in good conscience waste our money on fancy cars, too large homes, gigantic flat panel t.v.’s in every room, and eating out at restaurants every night? When I read the Bible, I see us called to generosity, to giving, to sacrifice.
Number 4: Consumer Church with a self-help message. My wife and I began visiting other church’s for a Saturday service, one where we could go and hear God’s word without working during church. We visited several local mega-churches (because they were the only ones with Saturday services). We found one excellent one at North Phoenix Baptist, but we happened to visit on the last time they were doing it. Bummer. So we visited several others. The main message of these services was self-help- feel-good-about-yourself. No Bibles were ever opened and, if God’s word was quoted, it was a side note that supported the preacher’s talking point instead of being the focus of the message. Church is not an entertainment option, but a calling to change and grow by following God's word. The Bible is not about self-help but about serving God and others. God's word isn't about what's in it for me, but who I'm supposed to be.
Number 3: Sex. Can I say that word in church? For many years, the church as seen this as a forbidden topic. I call this ‘La-La Theology,’ that is, cover your ears with your hands, squeeze your eyes shut, and yell la, la, la, la, la at the top of your lungs so that you don’t accidentally have to hear or see it. Well, the simple fact of the matter is God created sex and trust me, it is good. If our message to kids is abstinence only, followed with, “wait till you get out of college to get married,” we set them up to fail. The church must teach about it, teach the glory of it in a healthy marriage, teach about all the surrounding issues – essentially, we cannot ignore it. Hey, it’s all over the Bible.
Number 2: Church on Sunday. Church is a body of people who worship together, serve together, and reach out to their friends, family, and neighbors. It is not supposed to be a habitual gathering for 90 minutes on Sunday that has no effect on your life throughout the week. Our faith is something to be lived, to be put into action, to be seen by others in such a way that it brings Glory to God. I don’t see very much of that.
Number 1: Homosexuality condemnation verses. How can you expect those who do not follow God to live up to His law? Further, every person who is homosexual also has lied, cheated, hated, gossiped, and committed a multitude of other sins. JUST LIKE ME! JUST LIKE YOU! Why do we focus on this one thing without sharing the message of grace for all sin. It seems that each generation of Christians chooses some sin to be worse than all others to rant about. Thirty years ago it was divorce. Fifteen years ago it was abortion. I even believe that you can be homosexual and come to Christ. Whoa! When I see groups like Westboro Baptist or Steven Anderson’s church in Tempe, I am disgusted because they have forgotten the grace and gentleness with which Jesus dealt with people. The only time he got angry with people was when he dealt with hypocritical religious zealots who hurt other people with their legalistic view of God’s law. (http://rodg3r.blogspot.com/2009/05/apology.html). I will write more on this topic another time, because there is another side to discuss within the church, but for now, I’ll leave it at this.
Number 0: That's right, I am making this list 11 things. It's my blog and I can do that if I want. Politics. Look up at the front and center of your church building. Is that a cross up there or is it a flag. Do you have to where your elephant shaped badge to get in the building? We need to remember 1Timothy 2:1-3 and Romans 13:1-7. Are we praying to the idol of America or are we faithfully serving God by discipling and spreading the Gospel?
Conclusion:
As I said earlier, some of these things have value and should be discussed, but I believe that many of them distract from our central message. When we fight amongst ourselves over petty issues, when we berate non-believers for actions instead of showing them love, when we try to legislate God’s word to change behavior without changing hearts, we forget the central message of the cross. Grace and Love towards those who are in sin and hurting, and exhortation towards growth for those within the church.
Tomorrow: Top 10 Things I Wish Non-Chrisitans Would Get Over.

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