Really a Hero

One of the high school girls that I work with was assigned to write a paper about a hero. She chose to write her essay on Tiger Woods. I barely suppressed my gag reflex as I asked her why she chose him. She said that he had done great things. “What, other than play golf,” I asked. She said, “Well, he gives money to help kids go to college.” Evidently that makes him a hero. I asked her what other kids in her class were doing theirs on. The top three on the list were all entertainers.

This is not my definition of a hero.

To be a hero requires sacrifice.

If a billionaire gives a million dollars to charity, then he isn’t a hero. Effectively that is no different from me giving fifty dollars to charity (based on last year’s salary calculations). Mark 12:41-44 tells of Jesus watching people give an offering. The poorest of the poor gives a large percentage of what little she had. The rich gave a small percentage of their wealth. She is a lot closer to a hero than they were.

I am not denigrating Tiger’s generosity by any means, I merely point out that he doesn’t rise to the status of hero by doing it.

Entertainers aren’t heroes either. Rarely are they even worth emulating in any way. They don’t sacrifice for others. Generally, any sacrifice that they do is only to further their own career or boost their public image.

Tiger Woods is not a hero. He is just an exceptionally good golfer who happens to give a little back. Charles Barkley had it right when he said, “I’m no role model.” He isn’t. Athletes, Movie Stars, politicians and other ‘stars’ aren’t role models and they aren’t heroes. Narcissism, Adultery, Abuse, Self-aggrandizement, Drug Use, Drunkenness, Obnoxious Behavior, and other such bad behavior is not worthy of the word hero.

I would define a hero as someone who sacrifices for others. A firefighter who risks his life to run into a burning building to save children. That’s a hero. A soldier who jumps on a grenade to save his comrades. That’s a hero. A police officer who takes a bullet in the line of duty, protecting us. That’s a hero.

There are other heroes in my book. Teachers who spend their lives making low pay because they have a passion for teaching children. Those are heroes. Youth ministers who invest their lives in kids. Those are heroes. Aid workers who spend their years digging wells to provide clean water in Africa. Those are heroes. Doctors and Nurses who give up their vacations to treat medical diseases in South America. Those are heroes. Missionaries who rescue pre-teen girls from sex slavery and give them a future. Those are heroes. Volunteers who go to hospice to hold the hands of an AIDs patient as they die. Those are heroes.

We need to redefine our concept of hero and I can only hope that the teacher who originally gave this assignment will spend some time discussing what makes a hero.

A suggestion for Tiger - My friend, perhaps instead of spending all that time on the golf course or in the bedrooms of a bunch of young ladies who aren't your wife, you might take your family and spend some time serving the homeless at a local shelter. Just an idea. And, Tiger, if you want some more suggestions or help in this matter, give me a call. I'll buy you lunch and we'll come up with some ways to do some real hero work. I'd feel better about the hero thing then.

It Doesn't Just Happen

WARNING – The contents of this blog will be offensive to some people. If you can’t handle graphic comments then please don’t read the following. If you choose to read, please don’t comment that you find the statements distasteful, we are going for total honesty here. Adults Only!

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This whole thing with Tiger Woods and his plethora of mistresses has started to fade away, but the commentary continues. I have nothing personal against Tiger, but I do decry the choices that he made. What bothers me about Tiger, John Edwards, Mark Sanford, Jim McGreevy, Bill Clinton and others is the statements that they make after the fact. There is a sense that, “It just happened” or, “I made a mistake.”

The truth is, infidelity of this sort does NOT just happen. There is a quote from the TV Show Friends that applies here; “What did you mean to stick it in, her purse?” These men did not just walk down the street, stumble against a pretty girl and accidentally copulate.

A recent article talked about people in online worlds such as Second Life having entire second lives including an online ‘spouse.’ There are divorces that occur because one spouse has met someone else on the internet and fallen in love with them. Office romances occur when you work lots of hours with someone and grow close to them. All of these are choices that lead to infidelity.

Fidelity in marriage comes from daily choices to love your spouse and to rebuff others. Having a faithful marriage is never an accident. Neither is adultery. The simple truth is that being married does not turn off your libido. There is no doubt about it, sex is fun and you will desire to have sex with people who are not your spouse. You will be emotionally and sexually attracted to other people in your life. The question is, will you make the choices and take the steps that moves you away from them, towards your spouse or will you choose to move towards them and threaten the destruction of your marriage.

When any of these men were in the act of having sex with their mistresses, they were in a position (no pun intended) that they chose. What’s more, they had already made a hundred choices to get to that point and at any point they could have come to their senses and chosen to reverse the process. They chose to continue spending time with the person after they were attracted to her. They chose to say, “yes” to going out with her. They chose to go back to a private place with her. They chose to get physical with her. And they chose to do the deed. They could have chosen at any time to get out of bed, pull up their pants, put the cigar away, and driven away. But they chose the momentary pleasure of getting their rocks off over the long term joy of a faithful marriage.

Sex is NOT a bad thing. Frankly it is an amazing gift from God. I am personally a fan (I’ll bet there is a Facebook Fan Page for it. But, sleeping around cheapens sex and ruins relationships. Every time you do it with someone, you lose a little of yourself…unless, that person is your spouse and it is part of a healthy marriage relationship, then you gain a little every time. Genesis 2:24-25 paints a clear and beautiful picture of how God meant it to be: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh. The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” Naked and Unashamed: that's how you close you are supposed to be with your spouse, not with anyone else.

If these men had chosen to invest as much time, energy, attention, and romance with their wives as they spent on their mistresses, then I guarantee that they wouldn’t have needed the mistress for a sexual outlet. It’s amazing how much a marriage can recover with time and attention and how much it can be destroyed by infidelity. Rarely do marriages recover from infidelity. This is the worst betrayal that can happen. When you make the choices that lead to this, it is not an accident and it is inexcusable. Please don’t make it worse by making excuses about how it “just happened.” Make the choice ahead of time that this behavior is unacceptable. Make the choice to daily love your spouse and to refuse all others.

You have my permission to go have sex with your spouse now. Everyone else should go take a cold shower.

P.S. Honey, I'll be home early tonight.