Am I Evil?

Am I Evil?

There is a paradox of humanity. Humans are capable of the most incredibly touching acts of goodness and at the same time exhibit the most appalling acts of evil.

A friend of mine recently began blogging, and in his first article, he addresses this paradox of human goodness and evil. (See it here: http://chandler-eric.blogspot.com/2009/08/reflections-on-sunday-morning.html.) As he observes in his blog, humankind is capable of the most amazing acts of beauty and altruism while at the same time being capable extreme acts of cruelty and evil. How can this be?

I too pondered this question and this was ultimately one of the main contributing factors in my choice of religion. (I'll go into the other contributing factors another time.) I searched and studied the religions and philosophies of the world trying to find an answer to the disparity of goodness and evil. Most of the systems that I encountered seemed to describe humans as ultimately good creatures that occasionally did evil.

That just didn’t jive with what I have observed in reality. Let’s be honest with ourselves here. I cannot see into your heart and soul as you cannot see into mine. But we can observe the actions of others and we can see into our own selves.

I know the evil that I am capable of. I am a pastor, a person who has chosen to give his life in service to God and to other people. Yet, through personal inventory and much introspection, I know what is in my own heart. It pains me to say this, but the truth is, there is evil within me: hate to the point of murder, lust to the point of rape, greed to the point of theft, envy to the point of destruction and much, much worse. It is not that I have done these things, only that I know that if conditions had been different in my life, there are times when I might have acted on these evil inclinations.

I believe that each of us has this within us although few would be so brazen to admit it. Calvinists call this depth of evil in all people: ‘Total Depravity.’ I am not Calvinist, but I do believe in almost total depravity.

There is an excellent book called, The Ordinary German in the Holocaust. Though somewhat dry as a historical study, this book disassembles the myth that only a few Germans were actually involved in the death of so many. It shows how impossible the task would have been without the tacit involvement of thousands if not millions of Germans of all walks of life. Thus, the ongoing Holocaust could not have been hidden from the general population. This is not limited to Germans, as if it were only they who have this penchant for evil.

Observe genocides in Rwanda, in the former Yugoslavia, Cambodia, Iraq and Sudan.

Observe the mob violence that has occurred in riots worldwide from Watts, Detroit, Iran, France, Zimbabwe, or Los Angeles.

Observe violent government crackdowns in Poland, China, or the former Soviet purges.

Observe the gulags, concentration camps, and the killing fields.

Observe the terrorism of 9/11, suicide bombers and beheadings in the Middle East, of the IRA, and of the various European factions of the 70s.

It is easy to blame these appalling acts on a few, but in all cases, if you add in those who support the evil-doers, those who are too scared or apathetic to stand up against it, and those who benefit from it; the numbers show that evil is not as limited as we’d like to believe. It also shows us that ordinary people are quite capable of being indescribably brutal towards others.

If you are honest with yourself, you have to say, “There but for the grace of God go I” because each of us contains this seed of evil that could bear fruit under the right circumstances.

Now, at this dark point, I must part ways with the Calvinist. This is where the almost comes in.

Humans are also capable of incredible acts of altruism. Watch the news and you will hear stories of people running into burning buildings to save others. Glance at Readers Digest and you can read about a group of frat boys who risked their lives to save a woman whose car was stuck on the train tracks with a freight train bearing down on them. Listen to the radio and you will hear of someone making donations to help the family of a soldier who was horribly injured. Even in our down economy, people are giving to churches, to shelters, and to the needy. Others are volunteering their time to build houses for the poor, dig clean-water wells in developing nations, and taking medicine to those who need it.

This goodness is the spark of the Almighty within us. In Genesis 1, it says that mankind was created in God’s image. God is good and He created within us the capacity for love, and thus the power to do incredible good.

As I said before, Christianity was the only place that I have found that adequately addressed these dipolar extremes. God created humanity in His image and humanity chose to sin, turning away from God towards evil. In this, we see our capability for both ultimate good and terrible evil.

The answer to the question, ‘Am I evil?’ is both Yes and No.

Each of us has the seed of evil and seed of good within us.

Each of us must ask ourselves, "Which will I choose today?"