Eavesdropping

7:00 am. Sitting in an almost empty classroom with several other students trying to study for a Biology midterm in half an hour. Two young girls in their late teens sitting somewhere behind me begin talking.

“My boyfriend asked me to marry him, says Girl 1.

“You’re not gonna do it are ya,” says asks Girl 2

“Na, Marriages fail over half the time and I just don’t want to go through that, I just wanna move in, that way, when it doesn’t work out, no one gets hurt,” replies Girl 1.

“Makes sense,” observes Girl 2

I try to continue focusing on my upcoming Biology test, but my brain hurts from the incredible lack of thought contained in that short conversation. These poor girls are a product of their generation, but it still pains me that they have learned so many wrong lessons so young.

Even worse, Girl 1 will be living a self-fulfilling prophesy. She will experience marriage failure and relationship breakups because she wrongly believes that life just happens to you and there is nothing you can do about it.

It saddens me that she will probably give her heart to man after man, losing a little bit each time a relationship dies. Living together married or unmarried; broken relationships destroy a little bit of your heart each time, ultimately leaving you cold and cynical.

I wanted to tell these girls that it doesn’t have to be this way. A lifetime commitment is still possible, even in this day and age. It just takes the right tools.

I didn’t say anything to these girls, but I should have. I’m not sure they would have listened or even appreciated the input, considering I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

This is a cultural issue in America today. We don’t take marriage seriously enough. I just listened to the interview with Kate from John and Kate plus Eight. She was speaking about how people change, about how she meant her vows back when she said them, but things are different now. It is as if she was completely helpless to events unfolding.

Study after study has shown how important a stable marriage is to the mental and physical health of the couple as well as to the mental, physical, and emotional health of any children involved. We must take this seriously as a society.

Marriage must not be a lark, something you jump into because of giddy feelings of puppy love. It must involve some work by both parties as well as families and friends supporting them. If you are considering marriage, get educated, get premarital counselling. Observe your spouse-to-be around their family and friends. If you don't like something about them at that time, they won't change after the wedding. After the marriage, join a married couples group and talk out the issues before they get personal. Marriage is fun, but it does take work. The tools are out there, we just need to unpack the toolbox.

My wife and I have committed to not end up like our parents. Over thirteen years, we have been in married couples groups, worked through personal studies, gotten counseling, and continually renewed our commitments to each other and to God.

We have watched many of our fellow couples follow a similar pattern and succeed. We have also watched many others give in to selfishness, boredom, dishonesty, and lack of effort. They aren’t together any more.

It can be done.

I wish I had spoken to those two girls. Someone needs to spread messages of hope.