Dear Mr. Advice Columnist

Dear Mr. Advice Columnist,

I have a family member in trouble and hope you can help.   It’s affecting our whole family.  My uncle is out of control and I am not sure how to deal with it.    He may be senile or possibly suffering from dementia.  He used to be a likeable guy, very popular, and really had his life together.   Don’t get me wrong, he made mistakes, but he was a better guy than most people.  He was extremely frugal and built up quite a large amount of wealth.  That’s where the problem begins.  He started giving money away, to the point that he cannot pay his own bills.  He gives it to family members, strangers on the street, and even people in other places he doesn’t even know.  He buys them all sorts of things they don’t really need or that they could buy for themselves.  He has been supporting many of them, buying groceries and even paying their bills for them.  I don’t mind him helping the ones who are really in trouble, but most of them could pay these things themselves with a little financial responsibility and realistic budgeting.  But, with him paying for so much, they aren’t learning how to take care of themselves; they just keep taking from him.

I wouldn’t mind so much, but we all live together on the same piece of land that we inherited from my great-grandparents.  And, since we all share title, his financial choices are affecting us all.  What’s more, we have a joint checking account and every time I get a little money, he takes half of it and gives it away to other people.  He has actually run out of money himself and has been borrowing great amounts of credit to keep giving money away.  I’ve tried talking to my family about all of this, but since so many of them receive money from him, they don’t seem to care that we are living on borrowed time.  My cousins all think it’s no big deal.  They say that by the time the money runs out from all the credit cards and bank loans that they’ll all be dead anyway.  They don’t seem to care that their children will be horribly affected by my uncle’s mistakes and they really don’t care that it is affecting those of us that are trying to pay our own way.

What can I do?

Anxious in Arizona

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 Dear Anxious In Arizona,

It’s your Uncle Sam, isn’t it.  I know that guy.  Well, the bad news is, the problem will never be fixed till your family works together to get each of themselves on a budget.  Then they can begin insisting that he cut his spending and get him on a realistic budget.  But, as long as so many of them receive money from his largess and won’t choose to be financially healthy themselves, you’ll never change anything.  I wish I could give you more hope, but as long as people act for their own selfish interests and take no personal responsibility, you are stuck. 

Mr. Advice Columnist

Ten Things the Government Needs to Learn About Budgeting That I Learned From Running a Church

Here we are again. It’s crunch time and the politicians are making a big fuss about the budget. Democrats blame the Republicans, Republicans blame the Democrats, the sky is blue, grass is green… Such is life.



In the past two years, I have become the Senior Pastor at a small church here in Phoenix. As a youth pastor for years, I never had to worry much about the budget, the elders and Senior Pastor did that. Now, it’s my job and I’ve learned that it is harder than I ever realized. Running a church is really just running a small business from a financial point of view*. Running a Government is no different from running a small business, either, just a matter of scale.


I’m still trying to get my mind around all of the issues of the business side of church, but here are some lessons I’ve learned that might just help Congress.


1. It’s easy to nickel and dime your way to deficit spending.


Most of the issues I’ve encountered when it comes to going over budget aren’t about the big expenses. Yes, occasionally an AC compressor will give out in July or an irrigation accident will destroy a neighbor’s yard and require repair, but the truth is, it’s all the little expenses here and there that build up. Paper is $35 a case. Toner is $120 a cartridge. We chose to print a hundred of those posters and suddenly, we are over budget. Workday projects, repairs, and maintenance always cost twice what you expected and necessitate three trips to Home Depot. Whoops, we did it again. This is what makes budgeting so hard, because $28 here and $55 there doesn’t sound like much until you do it too many times.






2. It’s easier to spend when it’s someone else’s money


My family is all about debt-free living. We don’t use credit cards, we don’t get car loans, and we try very hard to consider our expenses so we don’t overspend. However, when it comes to making choices of what to buy or not to buy at work, it’s easier to think, “Oh, we’ll just move the money over from another area to cover it,” or, “This item is on sale and we’ll surely use it someday, so we’ll go ahead and buy it now and replenish the fund later.” The problem is: it’s much easier to be brutally realistic about finances when you are talking about paying the rent to keep the roof over your head and paying the electric bill to keep your own lights on.



3. You don’t reduce the deficit, cut it entirely and work on paying off debt.


My earliest recollection of politics comes from the budget fights of the early eighties. I remember the politicians saying, time and time again, “We must cut the deficit.” Even as a teenager, that sounded very weird. I wasn’t even good at math, but I knew that a negative is a negative whether it was $1000 or $1 billion dollars. That’s like trying to dig yourself out of a hole by using a trowel instead of a spade. Either way, you’re still digging a deeper hole. Nope, you gotta learn to live within your means and NEVER spend in the negative.






4. There’s always a bunch of good things to do with the money, but not always a bunch of money to do good things with.


Church is all about this. There’s always someone who has a ministry need. The homeless need fed. The orphans need shoes. People in Africa need medicine. People in Japan just had a natural disaster. Poor families need Christmas presents. Missionaries need sent. Tots need toys. Trees need angels. Drives need canned food. On and on and on and on. All of these are good things, and all cost money. The simple truth is we just cannot do them all. We have to say, “No,” to some of them. That hurts, that’s difficult, and that’s absolutely necessary.


5. Look at your priorities.


Yup, that’s what this comes down to. Prioritizing. Sounds easy, right? List all your bills in order of urgency. Begin dividing up your money to pay for those. Then, create a rainy day fund and put a good percentage of money into that account to cover unforeseen problems. Then, if (IF) there is money left over, begin adding those things you want to do in priority order. Parcel out any remaining funds for those items until you run out of money. Then, say, “I’m Sorry,” to the rest of the items.






6. Consider other options to pay for things.


So, there are good things leftover from your list (see items 4 & 5 above). Gosh, there is one of them that you really, really want to do. It’s such a good idea, but we just don’t have the money in the budget for it. Great. Let’s do it. Here’s how: go to the people and sell it to them. Tell them what a great idea it is and why we should do it. If they’re on board, then they’ll help pay for it. If not, then back to the drawing board. What other ways might we fundraise for this? Who else can we get behind this idea that might help? Where else can we cut or where else can we earn the money to make it happen? What if the church as a whole doesn’t provide for it, but individuals within the church who are passionate about it get creative and make it work?


This leads us to an especially important message for the American People and our Silly Politicians. Are you ready… Wait for it…


The Government is not the only one who can provide money for good things to happen! Whoa! Step Back! You mean that private investors can do charity? You mean that churches and community groups can be responsible for some of this stuff? You mean families can actually help each other? You mean communities can get together and make something work? All of this without our Mommy the Government doing it for us?


Abso-stinkin-lutely!



7. Good stewardship matters for good character.


I know you may not believe it, but church is not about money. Our message is one of hope and truth. We point people to a righteous God. But, our message gets awfully muddled when we misuse the money that is entrusted with us. Why would someone trust us to listen to our message if we aren’t open and transparent about something as basic as our finances? Why would someone believe that God wants us to care for the poor if the church community spends all its money on events for themselves? Where is our integrity when we say we care about the poor in third-world nations who live on less than a dollar a day, but we spend $50 million on a new building for our church to meet in? As a church, the message is simple: people see the way we spend our money and it reflects on their perception of the truth of our message.


Dear Congress, this applies to you. America was once a shining beacon in the world. Is it anymore? If we expect people in developing nations to believe that democracy works, we’d better be showing them that it does. Our message of the American Way is marred by our financial failures.


8. Someone has to pay the bills and it ain’t fair to leave it for someone else.


A house of cards is bound to come tumbling down someday. It’s funny, but there is a parable about building your house on sand versus building it on solid rock. Now, Jesus wasn’t talking about our budget there, but the lesson still rings true with our finances. We may be able to spend in a deficit for a few years (or generations if you are the government). We can get away with it for a little while, but eventually the bills are going to be called in. It will be time to pay up. It just isn’t right to spend freely now, knowing our children will one day face crushing austerity measures and crumbling economy, just so we selfishly can have everything we want now. For a household, this may mean bankruptcy. For a church, it could very well close us down. For a nation, the end results are almost unthinkable.






9. Brutal Realism is Required.


This is true of thousand dollar family budgets, hundreds of thousand dollar church budgets, multi-million dollar industry budgets, and trillion dollar governments. When it comes time to cut, EVERYBODY must give a little. Pet projects must go by the wayside. If they are good, then maybe they can return someday. This is probably the biggest problem we face as a nation. Everyone agrees that the budget must be cut, but nobody is willing to give away their pet project. The arts community wants the budget cut, just not the National Endowment for the Arts. Soldiers want the budget cut, just not a dime from the military. Teachers want the budget cut, but nothing from the schools. Seniors talk about how they lived through tight times in the depression, but the AARP isn’t about to discuss ANY changes to Social Security or Medicare. It doesn’t matter whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, you want everyone else to tighten their belt, just not you. It’s time to cut everywhere. It’s hard, but sometimes you have to go through EVERY line item on the budget and make adjustments. It hurts, but it is necessary.


10. Yes, budgeting is Hard – Quit Whining About It.


I hate numbers. I detest accounting. I loathe detail work. So what? It’s my job and I have to buckle down and do it. Every year, we have to look at the budget. We have to crunch numbers. We have to make hard decisions. We have to give up things. We have to say, ‘No.’ So, I get a cup of coffee, treat myself to a donut that I’m not allowed to have, I sigh a little; and then I get to work.


Dear Congress and Mr. President (of any administration and any party). Despite what you may have been led to believe, we did NOT send you there to enrich yourself. We sent you there to make hard decisions and to be leaders. Please listen clearly to the following Public Service Announcement: “Suck It Up!!!” Quit whining, work together, give till it hurts, and tell the lobbyists and your own constituents, “I know you want this, but we just can’t afford this, so the answer is No.”






There are some who would say all of this is naïve. Sure, this stuff applies to households and small businesses, but the government just doesn’t work that way. Well, they are right about that last part: it doesn’t work. What we are doing with our money doesn’t work; it is a house of cards that is past due for a collapse. We, the American people of any party, truly are naïve if we think this can continue much longer.


I don't have all the answers, and trust me, this is still a work in progress in my own life.  But, I do know that this lesson will be learned someday... The easy way or the hard way.



* Oddly enough, I wasn’t required to take a single class in Bible College or Seminary called How To Run A Small Business 101.

It just ain't that hard

This blog originally posted Tuesday, March 10, 2009 at 4:38pm

Everyone who can read this needs to sit down with their Grandparents (and if possible) great Grandparents to find out how they survived before we got the idea that the government was supposed to provide for us.

Our government actually has very limited powers and responsibilities laid out in the Constitution. Over the last fifty years, we have allowed our elected representatives to usurp more and more power. We have excepted these abuses because they have bribed us with our own money and money stolen from others. If the government would just pay for my college, help me buy a house, give me health insurance, etc, etc, etc; then I can truly be happy.

Yet, when the harsh reality looms that we just don’t have the money to pay for all of these things, along with all the other pork barrel spending that gets added in to every little bill that goes through, what do we do? We mortgage our children’s future by deficit spending and we raise taxes now. The simple truth is, no business or household in this country can run for long on deficit spending, but somehow we got the idea that the government can. If my family’s monthly bills don’t leave enough money for a luxury cruise, then we don’t go on one. If the luxury cruise is important to us, then we save and save and save, then maybe take it a few years from now. Or, we cut some other luxury so that the money can go towards the goal. Pretty simple.

Our government doesn’t even try to work this way anymore. Why? Because they can bribe us with money that isn’t theirs and isn’t ours.

I was having lunch with one of my students this week and he suggested that it was a good idea to tax ‘rich’ people so that we can have these things. Now, this is a normally intelligent kid and I love talking with him, but somewhere, somehow, he has been taught that it is ‘fair’ to steal from one person so that he can have what he wants. Somehow, that is fair?!?!?! Ask any preschool teacher, if it isn't your toy, you shouldn't take it from the other little kid just because you want it. Now, go stand in the corner.

Where did we lose the basic concepts that this nation was built upon – hard work, saving for what you want, living frugally, being generous with your own money, helping your neighbor, questioning our Government, and following God? Understand, this is not about our current president. He is just one more in a line of leaders who are moving farther from our founding fathers.

The truth is, the biggest danger is not democrats or republicans. Both are responsible for the mess we are in. The worst thing about the current situation is that, again we have the majority of congress and the president both from the same party. Anytime we have this situation (either democrat or republican), spending goes through the roof. Who is responsible for the biggest government debt in history? George Bush. Who is on track to blow this record away? Barack Obama.

Want to fix the country? Give me a very large box of red pens and the budget (along with any other spending bills). I'll make the hard decisions. I'll balance the budget very quickly. (and probably burn through a lot of red ink in the process.)

We need to reset. We need to go back to the beginning. I thank God for the grace to have been born in a nation like ours. The U.S.A. is a wonderful idea and it can work as long as we hold to the original ideas of limited government, individual responsibility, and patriotism based on what’s best for the nation and not what’s best for my party.

Stop voting for someone just because they are Republicans or Democrats. Stop voting for someone based on whether they bring money to your state or not. Stop expecting the government to pay your way. Work Hard. Spend Less. Live on less than what you earn. Cut up your credit cards. Give generously to Church and Charity. Think of others before yourself. Learn from your failures. Pick yourself up and try again. Take personal responsibility for your own mistakes and problems. Save for your future. Vote intelligently. Get Involved. Throw the bums out again and again until we get someone in there who does it right. Let's turn this country around.

It just ain't that hard.