Ten Ways to Be a Better Dictator

I’ve always wanted to rule the world. I’m pretty sure I could do a better job of it than any of the existing people. I would be a benevolent dictator to all who adore me. This effort will take time, but any thing worth doing is worth doing well.

Here are ten great ideas on accomplishing my goal of world domination.

(NOTE – JUST IN CASE YOU CAN’T TELL, THIS IS TONGUE-IN-CHEEK AND JUST BEING SILLY)

Ten Ways to Be a Better Dictator:

1. Good Propaganda Machine – Every great dictator started as a revolutionary. As a revolutionary, your only power is in propaganda, so make it count. Use the most current technology and lots of slick, glossy marketing. Have a good tagline that doesn’t really mean anything, but sounds good.
2. Have a Solid Team of Power Hungry Toadies – Someone’s gotta do all that paperwork. If you’re gonna be a dictator, what fun is it if you have to stay in the office all day running things. Since you rule the world, you can just pop over to your vacation home in Hawaii and let a few toadies do the hard stuff. Sycophants can be really useful for drudge work.
3. Purge Regularly – Now, this is the hard part. You have to clear out your staff occasionally, because they will become too powerful otherwise. You can shoot a few if you want, but the best idea is to send them to “Re-education Camps” in some awful part of the world like Siberia or New Jersey.
4. Crush Opposition – This is another ugly part, but must be done. Shooting people is messy, so you need to get yourself a team of people who attack the opposition by researching their past and questioning their character. If nothing is there, of course this team will make something up. You can also use your propaganda machine to point out that you are all about helping the little guy, therefore your opposition must hate the little guy. This helps get all those little guys on your side.
5. Promise People Anything – Those little guys I just mentioned aren’t very powerful, but there are a lot of them, so you have to treat them right. Since they are mostly stupid anyway and will vote for anyone who promises them something, without actually thinking it through, just promise them anything and they’ll support you.
6. Charisma, Charisma, Charisma – Get a good makeover. Have people teach you the best public speaking, get experts to help you have the best hair and body you can. Smile a lot and say things that don’t mean anything but sound good.
7. Control the Argument – Since all those little guys don’t think through their vote anyway, you can just tell them how they should vote. Don’t give them all the facts, it’ll just confuse them. Couch everything in the best jingoistic patriotic terms and help them to feel good because, by supporting you, you’ll give them everything they want (see # 5 above).
8. Control the Media – Make friends with all kinds of famous people. They’re mostly stupid too, so just tell them that they are pretty and invite them to parties where they will rub shoulders with other famous people. Have them help you in some silly cause that sounds good but doesn’t really accomplish anything, like “Save the Broccoli,” or “Ban Dihydrogen Oxide.” Invite the newspapers and television people too so they’ll be on board and never question your methods where the little people might find out.
9. Have the Look – You have to have a signature. Maybe a beret, or a good cigar. The little mustache thing has been done, but find something that will be your signature so people will think you are cool and try to emulate you.
10. Learn From the Past – all the best dicators have made mistakes, so you need to learn from them so you won’t fail too. Here are a few that might he

• Don’t attack Russia in winter. This is one mistake dictators keep making over and over. I’m not quite sure what anyone wants with Russia anyway.
• Don’t shoot all the intelligent people. Somebody has to get things done.
• Don’t shoot all the farmers. Someone has to grow the food.
• Don’t shoot all your best generals in the middle of a war. Duh.
• Don’t attack America militarily. Just offer them free stuff and they’ll vote themselves into a dictatorship. Don’t tell them that they are really the ones paying for the ‘free stuff’.
• Don’t bother attacking the French. Save them for last and they’ll just surrender anyway.

Thank you for reading my Top Ten lists. I hope you’ll vote for me in the next election. If not, you may be sent to a re-education camp. You can call me, “Señor Presidente.” And I shall call you my people.

Ten Ways to Be a Better Shot

Peering down the barrel, through the rear sight, focusing on the front sight, breathing slowly and carefully. There is the target. Aim carefully, move your finger to the trigger. Take a deep breath and let it out slowly, then press the trigger. BANG!!! Another great shot.

I love shooting. I do some hunting and some range target shooting, but the most fun thing in the whole world to me, is to spend a Saturday plinking in the desert. I’m a pretty good shot, not an expert, but with my .22, I can hit just about anything I see.

If you’ve never been shooting and want to learn, talk to me. I’ve taught dozens of people to shoot and trust me, it is a lot of fun.

One thing I can tell you about shooting guns is this…It is similar to golf in that there is no one single way to be an excellent shot, but many. You have to learn one good methodology that works for your body type, arm strength, dominant shooting eye, etc. Then, practice that a lot. The worst thing you can do is get tips from a bunch of different people. That’ll screw up your shooting fast.

Here are Ten Ways to Be a Better Shot:

1. Safety – This should be obvious but somehow people miss it. If you shoot yourself dead, you’ll never get to be a good shot. As a gun owner, I HATE to hear stories of kids who shoot themselves because they found Daddy’s loaded pistol in the desk drawer. Mine are locked in a gun safe. Period. Also, I occasionally see people out shooting who are screwing around pointing the guns anywhere but down range. If I see this, I leave. You can have a lot of fun shooting, but safety has to be a primary concern.
2. Have Two X Chromosomes – Sorry guys, but I have found it to be true that chicks make better shooters than dudes (at least from the beginning). Why? I think it has more to do with Hollywood than with gender. Guys watch all these movies with guns being shot sideways, .44 magnums that have no recoil, magic bullets that seem to miss people in some movies and hit everyone in others, etc. Guys have to unlearn all of this crap and learn the realities of shooting. Women rarely bring that baggage to the table.
3. Press, don’t Pull – When it is time to fire the gun, press the trigger steadily. Don’t yank it. Don’t pull it. Don’t slap it. Don’t tug it. Don’t jerk it. Press steadily until it breaks and the gun fires. As a target shooter, the gunfire should be somewhat of a surprise. No, you shouldn’t jump, but you should hold your position until the gun fires and then keep holding it. This steadiness will increase your accuracy. Note – if a leatherfaced man is running towards you with a chainsaw dripping with blood, go ahead and pull that trigger!!!
4. Start Small – Shoot .22’s rifles until you are good. A good .22 single shot can be purchased for about $70. Practice with this till you are good. Then move up to other caliber rifles and shotguns. Don’t start out on a .577 Nitro Express. You probably won’t be shooting any elephants in the near future anyway. You’ll just learn a lot of bad habits dealing with the recoil. Then, start learning handguns, again with a .22 before you move up to the .454 Cassull.
5. Revolve First, Slide Later – If you are going to own and shoot handguns, I recommend a good old fashioned Smith & Wesson .357 in the K or L frame. Don’t go out and buy a semi-auto handgun because it looks cool in the movies. Wait until you really know your way around the revolver. They are simpler and have less things to go wrong. They are very dependable and you can pick one up in the $200-$300 range where a good quality Glock, Ruger, Heckler&Koch, or other good name semi-auto will cost you upwards of $700 for a used one. The other nice thing about a .357 magnum is that you can shoot .38 bullets out of it for plinking. These are cheaper and have much less recoil.
6. Breathe – Don’t hold your breath while taking the shot. Breathe steadily in and out. Some people will take a deep breath, begin breathing out, stop for a moment and fire, then continue the breath. This is OK, but many new shooters will just hold their breath, out of nervousness or lack of confidence. Just breathe steadily and you’ll do fine.
7. Shoot Flintlocks – shoot black powder muzzle loaders (the old school kind, not the stupid new inlines). You only get one shot at a time and so you must make it count. If you shoot flintlocks, there is a brief delay between the trigger snap and the actual firing (along with a bright flash of powder right by your face). If you can learn to hold steady through all that and make that one shot count, you will become a great target shooter.
8. Shoot – The best way to get good is to keep practicing. Shoot, Shoot, and Shoot some more. The more you shoot, the better you will be.
9. Step by Step – Start shooting at close ranges like 15 yards. Then, when you can put every bullet in the middle of a normal card from a deck of playing cards, then move back to 25 yards and shoot there until you can put every bullet through a playing card. Keep moving back until you can repeat this at any known range. Then, have someone vary the targets at unknown distances until you can judge and shoot at any range.
10. Annie, Get Your Gun – Get your own gun. Shoot it a lot. Every gun has its own foibles. Be the best shot with that gun. Then move on to others. Always have your favorite and keep it for life.

My invitation remains open. If you want to learn about guns or go shooting, just let me know. I love to take people out for their first time shooting, and I guarantee that you will have a safe and gentle learning experience. If you love shooting already, drop me a line and we can go too.

DISCLAIMER – The above advice is just that, friendly advice. You are 100% responsible for your own safety and the safety of others around you when you are shooting. If you choose to use any of the above advice, you take full responsibility.

Bonus: Gun Myths:

9mm bullets are not the super amazing be-all-end-all bullets. They are actually not all that powerful. Their main benefit is the number you can fit into a magazine and the fact that the lighter recoil increases accuracy. I’m not a fan, but many people are. Just know, that when you see someone shot with one in the movies and he goes flying twenty feet back, that just isn’t real.

Guns actually do run out of bullets. One of my favorite movie scenes is the gunfight in the restroom in true lies. The bad guy has a carbine version of the AK-47 with a clip that holds 30 rounds (bullets). He proceeds to open up on the bathroom stalls where Arnie Shwarzenegger is hiding. I paused the DVD and counted over 200 holes from that one 30 round clip. He then proceeded to a bunch more.

Bullets don’t shoot laser beam straight – Remember physics in high school. Bullets fly in a slightly curved parabola and not in a straight line.

Getting Shot in the shoulder or leg can kill you – The good guys always get shot in the leg or the shoulder so that they can walk on screen at the end with a small bandage. Your shoulder has a nerve plexus and several main arteries and veins. The upper leg has the femoral artery. Any of these that are hit by a bullet can cause you to die quite quickly or, at least cause life long disability.

Guns are not inherently bad. How they are used can be. Same with kitchen knives, baseball bats, and ammonium nitrate fertilizer. I have never killed anyone with any of my guns, but I have stopped an assault and attempted rape on a woman (and assault on me) because I had a gun. The rank and file gun owners that I know or have met are responsible and safe with their guns. Don’t let a few bad apples, or an irrational fear of an object affect your thinking on this matter. Don't judge it till you've tried it.

This post is number 9 in a series of 10 Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily. Tomorrow is a surprise Top 10 list.

* Note - the gun pictured above is my Taurus .40, a favorite.

Ten Ways to Be a Better Cook

I stood at the doorway watching my friend’s mom cook tacos. She rolled up plain hamburger in her hands and then folded a tortilla around that. She laid this in a large pan of cold oil. She then proceeded to make more until the pan was full. Then, she turned on the heat. She invited us to stay for dinner. Thank you, but, “Heck No!!!” I had already eaten her brown spaghetti sauce once before. Yuck.

Everyone should learn how to cook a little, but it always helps to be better. No one wants to eat burned food, bland food, or anything that makes them retch.

I decided to limit my advice to things that I know well. Cooking is a hobby of mine which helps, because so is eating. As a guy, I can say that cooking a fancy meal is a great way to impress a potential lady friend. It worked so well for me, that Becky married me.

1. Knife Safety – Based on recent experience, I had to include this one. Watch this brief 40 second Knife Safety Video to see what I did wrong and learn how to do it right. For the record, I knew how to do this, but I was chiffonading celery leaves and I have yet to figure out how to chiffonade with my fingers tucked under. In any case, Remember the Claw and you won’t cut yourself. Also, please sharpen your knife every time you use it. Dull knives are more dangerous.
2. Follow the Recipe the First Time – When cooking any dish for the first time, follow a trusted recipe. Then, once you know that it works, then you can start to change it up and add different ingredients to make the recipe your own.
3. Try New Spices – Go to the store and check out the spices and herbs. Pick one that looks interesting and then find a recipe that uses it online. Smell the spice and taste a bit of it. Wait till you get home to do this as the store personnel will frown upon you doing it there. If you have a local herb shop, stop in there and find one you like to try. They don’t mind you smelling the herbs there.
4. Share Recipes – If you are at a party or a restaurant where you like a specific dish, ask for the recipe. Some people don’t like to share ,but many are flattered and will gladly share. I love to share my recipes, so don’t be afraid to ask if you like something of mine.
5. Taste it, Taste it, Taste it – Flavor is important. Taste your food throughout the cooking process to be sure that the flavor and texture are right. Adjust as you go. A warning here, don’t taste raw meat, raw eggs, or cayenne pepper. Another note, if you are using cayenne peppers, be sure to wash your hands before going to the bathroom. I won’t tell you how I know this, but trust me.
6. Season It – Add seasonings to your water, to your flour, to your eggs. Get the herbs and seasonings inside the food and not just sprinkled on top. To quote Emerile Legasse, “I don’t know where you’re getting your water from, but mine don’t come seasoned.” Of course, if you drink well water in West Virginia, there is already flavor in there. No me gusta.
7. Get Fresh – Use fresh ingredients whenever possible. This is especially true of herbs and seasonings. If you must use dried, buy your spices in small amounts and use them up quickly. They lose their flavor after awhile. Fish is another thing that I must be fresh. Buy your salmon or tilapia the day you are going to cook it. A side note, this applies to milk too. If you pour your milk out and it has chunks….It’s probably not fresh. ewwww.
8. Vary Textures – Dice things small or chop them larger. Try julienne. Use different pastas like orecciette or orzo. Change up the usual textures to bring new interest to your food. Colors and flavors can be varied too, such as mango salsa, or confetti rice.
9. Start With What You Know Then Get Creative – Practice some favorite dishes. Get to know mashed potatoes, pancakes, and casseroles. Then, when you are comfortable with these, begin to get creative. Try celery root, lychee fruit, kiwiano, roquefort, uni, mollejas, bhut jolokia or really gross stuff like broccoli.
10. Have a Signature – Pick a dish and be the best at making it. For example, I have the best Chili recipe that exists in the Northern Hemisphere. I also have a great recipe for Baked Beans and Chicken Cordon Bleu. I know that I can make these and they will be a hit. Other people ask me to make them for events. That is a signature dish. A piece of advice – your signature dish shouldn’t be anything too weird. You can bring that Gizzards Fried in Kidney Fat with Okra and Melted Limburger Flambe, but nobody’s going to eat it.

Cooking is a fun pastime and you get to eat your mistakes. What a gig. Let me know if you have a favorite cooking tip or recipe. Have fun and cook safely.

This post is number 8 in a series of 10 Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily.

Tomorrow: Ten Ways to Be a Better Shooter.

Ten Ways to Be a Better Interviewee

Interview. The very word strikes fear into the hearts of most people. Your mouth goes dry, your blood starts pumping, you forget every important detail in your life. It is an ordeal that ranks up there with prostate exams and oral surgery. Most people see the interview process as a modern day auto-de-fe; expecting to be tied to a table and tortured for information.

It doesn’t have to be that bad. It’s not the inquisition. Trust me on this. I have interviewed many hundreds of applicants for positions ranging from fry cook to loan officer to electronics technician. It’s not about polish, it’s about believing in yourself and presenting yourself well.

1. It’s a Two Way Street – The first thing to remember is that an interview isn’t just about the company finding out if you are right for the job, but you finding out if the company is right for you. Are their business ethics in line with yours? Is your supervisor’s management style acceptable to you? Do your personalities click? Will they allow you to wear kilts on casual Friday? These are important things to consider.
2. Ask Questions – this goes with the previous one. You won’t know any of these answers unless you ask questions. If possible, answer their questions and then pose one of your own that is on the same subject. Have a list of questions to ask when the interview is over. This not only gets you information, but shows that you are intelligent and thoughtful. Questions not to ask: Will you go out on a date with me? Can I have my vacation now? Are your kids really as ugly as they look on that picture?
3. Dress Slightly Better than You Would On The Job – Even if you wears overall every day, wear a shirt and tie for the interview. Your boss wants to know you can look nice if you need to. I have had potential interviewees show up in sweat pants, in super-tight micro minis, spandex, and on one occasion a woman wearing flip flops (for a bank interview). Her toenails hadn’t been cut in a long time and looked like some they had some kind of fungus. Gross.
4. Visual Clues – look around the interviewer’s office. Is it neat and organized? If so, they value that. Are there pictures of their kids everywhere? Then they value family. Do they have baseball player action figures everywhere? Then they probably are childish and you don’t want to be there. Is there a death metal poster on the wall? Pictures of dogs? Whatever you see can be worked into the conversation and will help them remember you as someone that they liked.
5. Read the Newspaper – read at least the first page of every section of the newspaper on a daily basis and you can hold a conversation with anyone. Hate football? That’s OK, if you read the first page of the sports page, you know what teams are winning (not the Cardinals) and can hold a conversation with a sports fan. Bored by the theater. No big deal, if you read the first page of the entertainment section, you will at least know what plays are in town and can talk about them if that’s what the interviewer is interested in. Be careful with politics, but at least you can be knowledgeable by reading he first page of that section.
6. Email Professionalism – The best thing you can do when job searching is set up a new email account just for that job search. Make the account your name so that it is easy to remember, such as rodgerloar@yahoo.com. That makes it easy and keeps the job search sites from flooding your personal account with advertising. Never use a goofy email on your email. Here are some actual examples I have seen in applications for professional positions: ladiesman@.... death@.... imabitch@... Needless to say, I didn’t call any of them.
7. Buzzwords – Know what the company values. Research their website. Research the industry. Be able to intelligently speak about their goals, their past, and their industry. Use words that they will key into and understand. Be sure you really know what you are talking about. If you are applying for an electronics job, please don’t tell me that diodes don’t have polarity (yes, I was told that).
8. Chill – do whatever you have to do to relax before an interview (except for smoking pot or drinking a quart of tequila). Breathe. Listen to gentle music. Whatever it takes, try to be relaxed and comfortable going into the interview.
9. Practice – A great way to be relaxed is to be prepared. Look online for a list of common interview questions and have several different friends bombard you with them. Discuss the answers and refine them. Have them ask you questions of their own. The more practice you have, the easier the real interview will be. Also, go on as many interviews as possible. This will help you be confident too. On the hundredth interview, it’ll be no sweat. Even after you have accepted a position, finish out any interviews you can. You get the extra practice for the future, and who knows, you just might get a better offer.
10. The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing But The Truth – My rule for interviewing was this: Lie to me and you are done. Period. If I catch you in a lie, I won’t hire you. Don’t tell me you are fluent in Spanish just because you had two semesters in high school and can say, “Donde estas los baños” or “Deme otra cerveza.” As an interviewer, I used to love to use this as a check. I would say, “your resume shows that you are fluent in Spanish,” and when they answered, “Yes,” I would instantly hit the speaker phone and call one of my Spanish speaking employees in, saying, “Danny, can you come in here, I need to test this person’s Spanish for work.” Nine times out of ten, the interviewee would begin backpedalling right away. Game over. Epic fail. Be open and honest. Trust me, lies will come back and bite you.

Interviews aren’t that bad if you are prepared and practiced. Give me a call if you want some practice and some personal coaching.

A few real interview moments:

• I interviewed a guy with gauged ears. Large ones. I had a window in my office that overlooked the room where my employees worked. I could see people walking around through his earlobes. Weird.
• I interviewed a guy who had red hair, freckled skin, green eyes and tiny round gold wire glasses. He has a small red mustache and beard and was very short. Did I mention the green shirt and the last name that began with O’…? I had a hard time holding a straight face through the entire interview because all I kept thinking was, “Is he here to steel my lucky charms?” To this day, I swear that I interviewed a real live leprechaun. True story.
• How about the large woman who came in for a front desk position wearing extremely tight spandex, an extremely low cut blouse, and flip flops with gross nails (see # 3 above). Her fingernails were clean, they were just three inches long. She was also wearing waaaaayyyyy too much perfume.
• Or the guy who showed up for an interview smelling of terrible body odor, wearing sweat pants and a torn t-shirt. I sprayed my office with Lysol after he left.
• I believe in giving some small practical ability test as part of the interview. I had a guy applying for a position that required some math skills for percentages. I gave him a brief five question math quiz in which he got every answer wrong. OK, we continued the interview, but at some point, he decided it was over. He looked me in the eye and said, “I don’t see any point in continuing these questions, you have my resume and have seen that I have the math skills for the job (pointing to the paper with the wrong answers); I’m the right guy for the job, so let’s move on.” I laughed out loud for a moment and then explained that he had all of the answers wrong. He said, “Well, I guess I’m done here,” and walked out.
• I had an interviewee applying for a phone customer service position who cussed repeatedly throughout the interview, dropping the f-bomb on multiple occasions. He then proceeded to share a story about having sex with a stripper on his last trip out of town and how his wife didn’t know.
• I had another interviewee who managed to turn every question back to how “the bastards” at his last company had laid him off after twenty years. He kind of resembled Tom Smykowski on Office Space, but he had this angry edge that said he might just go postal at any time. He even said at one point, "Boy, if I could just have a few moments alone with my a**hole manager..."

This post is Number 7 in a series of Ten Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily. Tomorrow: Ten Ways to Be a Better Cook.

Ten Ways to Be a Better Boss

I have had more than two decades experience in management. I have personally learned a lot of valuable lessons on leadership, many of them the hard way. I also have had many bosses. Due to the weirdness of corporate banking, I once had 8 bosses in a 12 month period. I have had excellent bosses who engendered loyalty in their people, and I have had horrible bosses who drain the very life out of people. Good leadership can free employees to do amazing things. Poor management can only get the bare minimum out of people, if that.

Today’s challenge to you, the reader, is to comment with a story about the worst boss you’ve ever had. We’ll see who has the worst.

1. Treat Your People Like They are People – This is imperative. Employees are not “cogs in the machine,” they are real people with real dreams, ideas, and frustrations. Be friendly with them, but not overly so. Let them know you value their input.
2. Surprise Them with a Break – I once had a boss who came in one Thursday and told us to dress casual for the next day with clothes that would be comfortable outside. The next day, he shut down the department for an “offsite meeting” at noon and took us all across the street to Tempe Diablo Stadium where we enjoyed an afternoon of spring training baseball. What fun. He built loyalty that day and next time he needed us to work late for a deadline, we were all onboard. As a manager, I used to periodically bring pizza in to the department, just as a thank you for their work. I also awarded employees who performed well with time off, maybe an afternoon, or sometimes a whole day.
3. Public Praise, Private Punishment – If an employee has done well, trumpet it in front of other employees and even customers. If they do poorly, deal with this in private. The quickest way to kill morale is to switch these around. Of course, there is nothing like a good public caning once in awhile.
4. Give Them Family Time – When I have an employee with a child or spouse in the hospital, I don’t blink, I tell them to go be with them. I tell them. As long as this isn’t abused, it makes a big difference. If they are trying to work while worried about their family. In most cases, a good employee will go take care of their family and come back and redouble their work effort. Don’t make the corporate-America mistake of thinking the company is family. A good reading of Dicken’s “A Christmas Carol” might help. You don’t want to be responsible for Tiny Tim’s death now, do you?
5. Pick Their Priorities – It is not the employee’s responsibility to decide what their priorities are. This is the single most common mistake made by managers. They will assign two or three things that must be done at once, but only give time to get one of them done. The employee is left to figure out how to make it happen and absorb any negative reaction if they choose wrong. The manager should be the one to say, this is the first priority and must be done by this time, this is the second priority and must be done by such and such a time, and so on. As an employee, I always push this back to my boss.
6. Lead by Example – If you expect your employees to put in extra hours, then so should you. If you expect them to take a pay cut, then so should you. A leader should lead from the front. Unless of course you are a politician.
7. Know Your Employees – Do you know the names of all of your employees, even the least of them? Do you know the names of their kids? Do you know what the employee does for fun in their free time? How is their marriage doing? What are their career goals? What do they value? Do they wear kilts in their off-times? If you can’t answer these questions, then you won’t be able to properly motivate them.
8. Let Them Learn – The first thing cut in most budgets is training. Many new employees get thrown into the business with little or no preparation. What a terrible mistake. Well trained employees are more effective employees. This goes for outside training. I strongly advise sending your better employees to seminars and training sessions to get better and better. Weaker employees can be given additional training too. Tuition Reimbursement is an excellent way to improve your people. An even better form of training is mentoring. If you have an exceptional employee that is a prospective for promotion, have him or her sit alongside someone who is doing the new job well. Let them learn by following in the footsteps of someone older and more experienced.
9. Don’t Chase Management Trends – Working in corporate banking, I saw trends come and go. I was given the gift of the goose, empowered, TQM’ed, SalesTech’ed, 3 R’ed, 5 P’ed, had my cheese moved, etc., etc., etc., ad infinitem. We were reorganized again and again. Consultants came and went and then more came in, each with a sharp suit, a new idea, and a fake smile. We did teambuilding events, and dissection debriefs, and seminar after seminar. What we never seemed to get done was any real work. Pick a business plan and go with it. Give it time to work. Build your people up and give them the training and tools to get the job done. Reward them well when they do well. Then get out of the way and quit bothering them with Dilbert-style goofiness.
10. Fear and Shame are Short Term Tools – There is an old adage, “You’ll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.” I’m not sure why you need to catch flies, but let’s apply the lesson here. A leader will encourage his people, building them up, having faith in them. A poor manager (dictator) abuses his employees. I once worked for a man who would hold ‘come-to-Jesus meetings’ to deal with problems. Here’s an example: A customer called in angry that he didn’t get the correct items in a timely manner. Bossman calls the sales person into his office and demands an instant explanation (without giving the person time to get answers). Sales person, in the process of hemming and hawing through his excuse mentions that production had told him the parts would be ready. Bossman instantly interrupts by picking up his phone and calling the Production Manager. Production Manager and Salesperson are now in his office. Production manager tries to explain about an engineering problem and Bossman promptly interrupts again, calling the Engineer in. The engineer then tries to explain and mentions the Customer Service Manager in who then mentions Project Management and so on and so on. Soon, a third of the company is in there sweating as they are yelled at and denigrated by the Bossman. Bossman would then mention all the errors and assign blame in front of everyone at the next company meeting. Not only was this ineffective at solving the customer’s problem, but it tore down the morale every time. Fear and Shame can be effective tools if you must rush to get a single job done and will never see the employees again. In all other instances, please don’t consider them to be useful leadership tools.

I once calculated that it cost our company more than twenty thousand dollars to train a new technician. I then showed this number and how I calculated it to the owner of the company (one of the worst bosses I’ve ever had). I tried to demonstrate how much better it was to treat people well and keep them versus treating them as disposable and losing them to other companies. He saw the numbers and agreed with them, even suggesting that they were much higher when you considered loaded costs. Yet, ultimately, he never changed and continually chased off some of the best people we ever had.

A good leader who treats his people well is an incredible boon to a company. A bad boss makes everyone’s life worse and will ultimately be a drain on company resources.

Feel free to send an anonymous copy of this blog to your boss.

My Bad Boss Story (not naming any names)

I had a boss who was extremely paranoid about his employees wasting time by checking personal email or surfing the internet, because this cost the company money. So, he had software loaded on every computer that allowed him to look at anyone’s computer screen at any time from his desktop computer. He then spent large amounts of every day watching his employees computer screens. It never occurred to him that, at the highest salary in the company, he was costing the company much more money by wasting hours watching employee computers than he ever saved from keeping them from spending a few minutes checking personal email. His paranoia extended to perceived loyalty. He also paid for accounts on several employment search websites like Monster.com so he could search for resumes posted by his employees. If he found your resume out there, he got rid of you. He was soooooo paranoid and angry, that there was a palpable tension in the office when he was there and an almost visible sigh of relief when he was not. It was demoralizing to work anywhere near him.

This post is Number 6 in a series of Ten Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily.

Tomorrow: Ten Ways to Be a Better Interviewee

Ten Ways to Be A Better Employee

You might not think that this goes in the category with the other relationships mentioned in the past few days in this blog, but it does. The boss/employee relationship is subject to issues just like any other.

I have worked in management most of my adult life, in a variety of situations: 5 years in restaurant management, 7 years in management in banks, 7 years management in the electronics industry, and a few years now managing volunteers and interns in the church. I cannot remember how many employees I have worked with, but I do remember some of the best and some of the worst.

Here are some of the best:

1. Know Your Boss – This should go without saying, but it is amazing how oblivious most people are to the other people around them. They are so caught up in their own self-centered world that they miss important cues in relationships. Your boss is a human being. Yes, I’m sure you could share stories about your boss that proves he is a minion of the underworld, but the reality is, he/or she is a human, driven by human desires, fears, and dreams. Take the time to watch what your boss likes, what motivates them, what sets them off, what they value. Then, use that knowledge in your relationship. Also, always be friendly and personable with your bosses, even when they aren’t. Don’t fawn over them, but don’t be cold either. If you remember they are human, you might realize that the reason they snapped at you this morning was because of a fight with their spouse last night that has nothing to do with you.
2. Keep Your Personal Life, Personal – I once had an employee who was the biggest drama queen in the world. She would hold long and loud phone conversations with her husband talking about all their problems and then, when she hung up, she would share with others around her. She got her work done, mostly, but whenever I came by, she had to tell me her latest sob story. Her dog died. Her cat died, her parrot died. Her kid was sick. Her kid had a broken leg. Her kid had chicken pox. Her husband got laid off. Her husband found a new job and got fired. Her husband had a rectal exam. Her sister went through a messy divorce, that we all heard every detail of. Her life was like a soap opera sung to country music. How draining. If you need a counselor, see a counselor. Your boss and co-workers are not counselors. Work is not the place for this. You can share a little, especially the positive stuff, but even then, keep it brief and don’t give us the gory details. A final note on this one, this also applies to office romances. Keep the icky stuff outside of business hours.
3. Put in A Little Bit Extra at No Cost – Get to work early and stay a little late. Don’t take this to mean working hours late every night, but it can be an amazing thing for your boss to come in and see you working when he/she gets there. Even if all you are doing is deleting an email from your co-worker telling you about her dead parrot, it still gets you a little ahead. Keep balance in your personal life, but put in a little extra. It also adds the appearance that you get more done in eight hours than others do. Even fifteen minutes to half an hour on each end of the day can make a big difference. Don’t trumpet it, just quietly put in a little extra. A bonus here is that you beat the worst of the rush hour traffic, you get the freshest coffee, and you can get a lot more done when you are there alone and you don’t have that co-worker telling you about her dead parrot.
4. Don’t Gossip – “Did you hear about Jane in accounting? I’m not saying anything about what she’s done, but I hear she’s keeping it.” Don’t be that guy. Please. Just as you need to keep your own life personal, let other people keep their lives personal. If someone comes to share with you, politely say, “I’m sure she has enough to worry about without having people talk behind her back.” That’ll take the wind out of the gossiper’s sails. The problem with gossip is that it always puts the spotlight on other people’s mistakes while pretending that your s*** doesn’t stink. This also goes for spreading rumors about work. “I hear our whole division is being closed.” “I hear our boss is really an evil alien bent on world domination.” These things may be true, but you won’t gain anything by worrying about them or worrying others about them.
5. Build Up Others – When you lead a team that makes the big sale and your boss gives you adulations, be sure to point out how important the work was done by others. Name them and thank them. If you get a huge project done and you were helped by Jane in accounting, be sure to go to her boss and explain how well she did. Don’t try to steal all the glory. Don’t be falsely humble, just give credit where it is due.
6. Take Responsibility – Don’t blame everyone else for your failure. Step up to the plate*. Take responsibility for mistakes you have made. Go tell your boss before she hears it from someone else. Apologize and be ready with ideas on how you can prevent it from occurring again. Show what you have learned. Even if it is a doozy and you lose your job, you have still demonstrated character to those around you.
7. Don ‘t Overpromise – Of course I can type those three hundred documents up by tomorrow morning. The product is shipping as we speak. We can close that loan before the end of the month. If you can’t really do it, don’t promise that you can. Manage expectations. If each document takes twenty minutes to type, give a realistic total to your boss and then let him know that you will work hard to make it faster. If the product is still in production and probably won’t ship till tomorrow or the next day, let them know that it is going to ship within forty-eight hours and then work to get it out sooner. If the loan is non-conforming with three large boxes of complicated corporate taxes for analysis, a business appraisal, and problems with the title; inform your manager of what it is really going to take to close the loan and then get to work. It’s always better to surprise them by being done earlier than to disappoint them by not meeting unrealistic goals.
8. Wipe Off Your Nose – I had an employee back at the bank who was always giving me false compliments. “That’s a nice suit you’re wearing today.” “Are you losing weight?” “You really did well in that meeting.” “You’re the best boss I’ve ever had.” Nice compliments, but she was always trying to wheedle something out of me. It was fake, beyond belief. Repeat after me: “Don’t be a brown-noser.” Be real. Compliments are fine, if they aren’t being used to manipulate.
9. Play Well With Others – Whether it is a fellow co-worker, your boss’ boss, the janitor, a secretary, or delivery people, treat everyone with equal respect and get to know what you can about them. Not only is this just good human decency, but when the chips are down and you need help with a project, they are more likely to be there for you. Plus, if you treat the supply person well, you’ll get the best pens.
10. Know When to Go – This is probably the best advice of all. This isn't about when to go to the bathroom, but when to leave the job. If you don’t fit, if the job is too much for you, if your boss is unbearable, if the company is doing unethical or illegal activities, if you just aren’t growing there, if it takes too much of your family life… Don’t be afraid to move on. Now, be wise about this, don’t jump ship if you don’t have another job waiting, but don’t be afraid to go when it is time.

Again, I invite you to share your input. What makes a good employee in your eyes? Share a story of a great fellow employee or perhaps a weird one. Just don’t tell me about your dead parrot.

* There Kurt, I actually used a positive baseball reference for once. Are you happy now? Perhaps you should pay attention to this so you can be a better employee for Dr. Moore.

This post is Number 5 in a series of Ten Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily.

Tomorrow: Ten Ways to Be a Better Boss

Bonus: 10 actual employee stories:

1. I had an employee who was from India. He was the only person from India in that department. My boss came to me and said that there were a dozen very expensive long distance calls made to India from a phone at an empty desk next to his. He denied that he made them. They were to his home town...

2. Same employee. A very talented slacker. He build himself a nap spot in the supply room by moving boxes around to create a hidden area.

3. Same employee. Wednesday morning. He asks for permission to be gone that Friday and following Monday so he can go to New York with some friends. I told him, No. We had two other people on vacation that Friday who had asked way in advance and I needed him. Friday morning, I come in to find a voicemail message waiting for me, "cough, cough, cough - I can't come in today because I'm sick. I probably won't be in Monday either. cough, cough, cough." I then begin my morning task, timesheets for payroll. Wait a minute. There is his timesheet signed and turned in on Thursday. Friday is marked as a sick day. Hmmmmmm.

4. One of my employees at the Tech Support company I worked for. On the phone with customer, "Are you too stupid to look at your monitor? Just sit back and don't touch anything until I tell you to." We lost a half-million dollar contract based on that one.

5. I was tranferred to a different restaurant and given a management position that one of their employees had applied for and hoped to get. Instant resentment. I told him to do something and he turned his back and walked away from me. I reached up and grabbed his arm and he turned around and took a swing at me. I punched him back and it went from there, until some other employees pulled us apart.

6. Had an employee showing everyone a picture of her husband, because she said he was so handsome. She even showed me. The picture was south of his belly button and north of his knees. I didn't find him to be nearly as handsome as she did. Ewwwww.

7. Same employee. I saw her place an order and then take the ticket away where she promptly voided it. She then reached in the cash drawer and slipped the money in her pocket. Hmmmmm. When confronted, she had the voided slip and the exact amount of money in her apron pocket. Her excuse, "I made a mistake on the order and was going to bring it to you to find out what to do with the money."

8. Had an african american employee go through the interview process wearing a suit and tie, combed hair, neat appearance. Excellent interview skills, very impressive. He showed up on the first day of work, however, wearing a red slicker jogging suit with a full afro with a black power pick sticking out and a huge attitude. Not sure what happened in between.

9. Not my employee, but one at a customer's business whom we were providing Tech Support to. He called to say that his computer just went black. After some time supporting him, we come to find out he was downloading pornographic movies onto his work computer. In the process, he downloaded a virus that wiped the computer memory. Did I mention that he hadn't been doing the regular backups he was supposed to be doing and they lost months worth of financial information. Whoops.

10. A certain blogger who shall remain nameless and two fellow employees got into a late night ketchup and mustard fight in the restaurant. Dozens of bottles of ketchup and mustard squirted at each other as well as everything else in sight. That was fun. Now, a long night of cleanup. We cleaned the walls, ceilings, furniture, and everything else. We left the building about fifteen minutes before the morning crew was there to open. Whewww. We got away with it............ Except for the jacket left behind the office door covered with ketchup and mustard. Awww Crap. We were in a lot of trouble for that one.

Ten Ways To Be A Better Parent + A Bonus

Parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever love. Good parenting can be very difficult. It can be enjoyable too. Having worked in youth ministry for over twelve years, I have observed some parenting techniques that seem to work well and many others that are destructive.

The hardest part about parenting is, that no matter how many right things you do, you are still dealing with another human being who will ultimately make their own choices. Even the best parents sometimes end up with black sheep. With that said, there are some better practices that make this less likely and other practices that make it more likely.

1. Consistency, Consistency, Consistency – This is extremely important. If there are two parents in the home, they need to set similar boundaries and agree on punishments and rewards. Whether you are a single parent or married, you need to individually keep boundary lines steady for your child. If you are constantly changing things or if both parents disagree and have different boundaries, your child will be unsure, lack confidence, or worse, they will learn how to manipulate the situation. Did I mention, Consistency?
2. Keep Balance – No, this has nothing to do with a tight rope and a unicycle. But, this is probably the single worst behavior that I see across the continuum of parenting today: parents who allow their children to overload their lives with busy-ness. Soccer games are followed by swimming followed by volleyball followed by dance followed by student government followed by gymnastics followed by baseball followed by club after club after club. Any one of these can be a wonderful way for your child to improve themselves; all of them together will not be. Encourage your child to pick one physical, one mental, and one spiritual thing to focus on. This is the three legged stool pictured above. You cannot have balance if you take legs away. Also, encourage them to spend some time in solitude once in awhile. As a parent, you have to set the example, too. Focus on your priorities and don’t try to do everything. This will improve the lives of the entire family because you won’t be rushing everywhere all the time.
3. You Are Not Their BFF – You are not your child’s friend. I’m sorry to say that, but it is true. You are their parent. That is not to say that you cannot have a close relationship, but when the chips are down, kids do not need another friend, they need a steady, strong, dependable adult. You have to make the hard decisions some times, set boundaries, have rules, and administer punishments. Don’t just assume that “they’ll do it anyway” when it comes to disobedience, alcohol, drugs, or any other bad or dangerous behavior. Decide what is acceptable and what is not. Guard their safety and communicate right and wrong to them. It may be rough, they may be angry at you, but ultimately they will be better for it.
4. Let Them Grow Up – You are not raising a child, You are raising an adult. Always keep in mind that you are trying to raise a person to be an effective, balanced adult who can make decisions and take care of themselves in the world. This means that you have to let them fail and learn to pick themselves up. You have to let them learn some hard lessons in life. You cannot shelter them completely from this. Your job is to maintain a tension between protecting them in an age appropriate way, and letting them step out with greater and greater responsibility and privileges. This is probably the hardest part of parenting.
5. Land the Helicopter – Please don’t hover over your kids constantly. Be involved in their lives, but don’t be there correcting every mistake they might make trying to guide every single decision in their lives. Teach them and then let them go out into the world a little bit at a time. You don’t want to still be making choices for your child when they are thirty, and you definitely don’t want to be changing diapers then.
6. Do As I Say AND As I Do – Kids see what you do and imitate that. It’s kind of scary when you experience this as a parent. I was driving with my daughter one time and someone cut me off. My daughter said from the back seat, “That guy was a clown, wasn’t he, daddy.” Evidently, she had heard me call another driver a clown for bad driving and now repeated it. It made me glad that I didn’t call him anything worse. If you want a child who is honest, don’t lie. If you want a child who respects others, don’t berate a waitress for making a mistake on your order. If you want a child who goes to church, you have to wake up and go too. If you drop an f-bomb in front of your child, you will hear it back someday.
7. Look Ahead – Don’t wait for your child to get into trouble, plan ahead. If your daughter is already pregnant at fourteen, it's too late to discuss sex with her. If you sit down and think about it, you know what stage is coming up next in their life, and you can plan how to deal with situations. When will you allow them to date alone? When will she be allowed to wear makeup? Is he really ready to have a cell phone yet? What will be acceptable driving, and what get’s the car taken away? Is it acceptable to wear kilts? Talk these ahead of time and then communicate with your child.
8. Family Time – Pick a night. Turn off the television. Turn off the phones. Don’t schedule anything else. Eat dinner together. Play a game. Talk. Ask about their day, and listen. Look through old family photo albums. Shoot some hoops together. Go camping. You may see them roll their eyes, but if you make it a regular habit, they will appreciate it. And, years later, these will be the things they remember fondly, and maybe they’ll spend some time with you by choice when you have an empty nest.
9. Don’t forget the spiritual side – One of the worst statements that I have ever heard someone say is, “I don’t think I should force morals on my child, I’ll just wait till they are old enough to decide on their own.” I have heard some version of this statement from dozens of people. Yes, religion is a personal thing. Yes, there are many spiritual choices out there. But, that doesn’t mean that it is unimportant. In fact, not making this a priority leaves your child open to many dangerous choices. The simple truth is this, your child WILL make their own choice someday anyway. Even if you raise them in church, they will someday choose for themselves. But, while they are with you, it is your responsibility to give them a healthy moral and spiritual foundation that they can build on. Consider it this way, you wouldn’t leave your toddler in a room full of knives, burning candles, and open bottles of poison. Why then would you let your child go out in a world full of dangerous messages without giving them some guidance.
10. Reward Right Behavior – Please don’t make your parenting methods based solely on punishment. When your child makes a good choice, encourage that. Help them to know that there are rewards in life for doing good as well as punishment for doing bad things. This can be a very powerful way to help them to choose right from wrong.
11. Failure is OK – Yes, you heard that right. It is OK to fail. In fact, it can be the best thing to happen to your child. I find it exasperating that children’s sports are now setup so everyone wins. Games at my daughter’s schools are this way. We have had kids in our youth group in school programs where no one gets an F. Everything is positive and everyone is happy. We wouldn’t want to accidentally damage their poor little self-esteem. If you don’t fail, how can you ever realize that you need to improve? What impetus is there to strive if there is no pain from failure? This unhealthy concept does nothing to prepare your child to grow up in the real world where they will lose their job if they don’t make enough sales, where they will have to compete for job interviews, where they will have to earn their own way. Don’t protect your child from failure. Help them learn to pick themselves. Teach them how to evaluate the reasons for their failure and decide if this is what they need be doing. Help them learn how to strive for goals and how to respect themselves if they gave it all they had and still weren’t the best.

Yes, I know that's eleven annd not ten, but if you have read my blog before, you know I don't like to be bound by such silly superstitions as math. I cannot guarantee that these ideas will make you a perfect parent, but they can you a better one. As always, I invite you, as the reader to contribute your own ideas in comments.

This post is Number 4 in a series of Ten Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily.

Tomorrow: Ten Ways to Be a Better Employee

BONUS:

This Top 10 article has a bonus: 10 things that don’t work in parenting:

1. Too Much Time At Work – Some parents (especially men) believe that parents should provide everything a child might want. Often they say things like, “I just want to give them what I didn’t have when I was a kid.” Then, the parent works long hours to provide the funds to make this happen, in the interim, missing out on their child’s day-to-day life. Your entire family will do much better if you adjust your priorities, do without some luxuries, and spend that extra time together.
2. Telling Them They Aren’t Good Enough – Few parents actually come out and say this, but the message becomes loud and clear when the child comes home with a B and is told they could have had an A if they tried harder. Parents often drive their kids to be the best in school, the best in sports, the best in all they do. A healthier way is to encourage them to be the best they can be in their own strengths and weaknesses. If your child struggles with Math and brings home a B, rejoice. If they are excellent at Math, then encourage them to apply themselves more. Let them know that, if they work at something and do well, that is enough. They don’t have to be the best at everything.
3. Raising False Hopes – This is the other end of the spectrum from the previous one. Parent’s sometimes give their kids too much encouragement. The simple truth is, not everyone can be a professional basketball player. If your child is the shortest in class and clumsy, they probably won’t ever play pro-ball. Encourage them to play for fun. If your child sings like a frog and they aren’t selected for choir, don’t tell that they are the best singer and the Director made a mistake. Help them (in a balanced way) to understand their strengths and build on those.
4. Rigidity – No one likes to live in a dictatorship of absolutes. As a parent, you have to be flexible at times. Give a little, once in awhile. This is not to say that you shouldn’t be consistent, but gentle consistency is much better than rigid, by-the-book domination. Also, consider the realities of each child and tailor your parenting somewhat to each. As a child, I was an introvert who could spend all day reading by myself. Time-outs just wouldn’t work for me. Even if you took my book away, I was fine just being inside my own head. My wife, however, was very social, so a time out was definitely a punishment to her.
5. Punishments That Don’t Fit the Crime – Overly broad punishments or punishments that have nothing to do with the crime don’t help the child learn. The best thing parents can do is to send the child to their room and discuss the gravity, the scope, and the method of punishment. If your 9 year old lies to you about taking a cookie from the cookie jar, taking their allowance away has no connection. However, having them write 100 times, “Lying makes people not trust me” and restricting them from cookies for a week has a direct connection that will leave an impression.
6. Letting Them Grow Up Too Fast – This is very important. I hate shopping with my daughter now. The stores sell sexy clothes to 8-9 year old girls. I hate to see parents who allow their pre-teen to dress in clothing that looks like it belongs on a stripper. Movies and video games are the same way. A child’s mind cannot process certain ideas until their brains develop that area. Your twelve year old should not be watching the movie, “Saw.” An eight year old has no business playing a video game where you shoot prostitutes. You don’t have to completely shelter them, but, you do need to use wisdom in what you expose them to and at what age they are exposed to it.
7. Sheltering Them Too Much – This is another one of those tension things. You can’t protect them from everything. They do have to grow up sometime and realize that there are bad people in the world.
8. Public Punishment – Please don’t punish your children in front of other people, especially their peers. Punishment should be limited to the family and take place in a situation where reasons can be discussed. Also, on this subject, talk about punishments with your kids to make sure they understand the reasons, and how to make better choices in the future. Finally, when the punishment is done, let it be done. Don’t keep bringing the issue up again and again in the future (unless the child keeps making the same mistake).
9. Living Vicariously Through Your Kids – So you were the star football player and helped win the game against Podunk High 20 years ago. Don’t pressure your child to be a football star. Big Deal, you wanted to be a professional piano player, but your hands weren’t big enough. Please don’t force your kids into 18 years of piano lessons. Allow your kids to be who they want to be. Allow them to enjoy their own likes and dislikes. Feel free to tell them long boring stories about your childhood, just don’t try to make them into your image.
10. Divorce – OK, it’s a modern world, and you’re in charge of your own life. I get that. But, what hurts kids the most is when adults are more childish than they are. Except in cases of abuse, divorce is very hurtful for children. A recent study showed that children who were part of a divorce situations still had problems 25 years later. What’s worse, if parents are bickering, using the kids as pawns in their battles, or tearing down the other parent in front of the children; the damage is much worse. I have two words, GROW and UP!!! If you aren’t divorced, but have marital problems, get help. Please. Find a marriage counselor, join a married couples support group, talk to clergy. Repairing your marriage is the best gift you could give your children. If you are divorced, at least play nice in front of your kids. And, as a side note, if you are a single parent, do NOT date in front of your kids. Wait until you and the other person are seriously considering marriage to begin introducing them. Bringing a parade of boyfriends or girlfriends in and out of your child’s life is very scarring to them.