Top Ten Ways to Have Better Relationships

I decided it was time to do another set of Top 10 lists. I had fun with the last series, so let's go again. I thought I'd share a series on becoming a better you. Hey, if Joel Olsteen can do it, I can too. The only difference here is that I won't make any money off of this and I can't pull off that 'used car dealer' smile. This is just for fun and I hope you will add your own input in the comments. Our first topic is How to Have a Better Relationship. This is for any relationship from marriage, BFF's, close buddies, or just two dudes in a Bro-mance (Joe and Theo).

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Whether it is friendship, marriage, or even family, any relationships are often difficult. The biggest hurdle is to get past our own selfishness and past baggage to grow closer to the other person. The experience of a personal and deep relationship with someone, that surpasses all of the issues to become a lifetime relationship, is one of the most powerful experiences that you can experience as a person.

Here are some effective ways to experience this:

1. Value people over things. There are few more important ways to deepen the level of the relationships in your life and to really grow a person than this. When the possessions in your life and the money you earn cease to be more important than the people around you, love can begin to deepen. This is a huge lesson in our materialistic society where spouses both work to pay the bills, where parents work long hours to afford more stuff, and where toys and possessions become the goal. Reprioritizing generosity, sacrificial living, and simplicity over financial gain will allow you to focus on building stronger relationships with the people closest to you.


2. Listen. There is an old cliché that says, “God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason.” Again, this involves getting past selfishness. If my friend is sharing information with me and all I can think of is what I am going to say next, we both lose out on the chance to grow closer. Listening is not the same thing as hearing, though. Listening requires actively paying attention to what they are saying, noting voice inflection and non-verbal clues. A good test to see if you have listened (and to let them know that you are) is to repeat it back to them in their own words when they are done speaking. This helps you focus on the meaning of their words, and it helps to prevent misunderstandings because they can clarify if needed.


3. Spend Time. There is no such thing as quality time if you don’t spend quantity time. Period. You cannot expect to have a deep relationship unless you actually put in the time to earn trust and to offer enough opportunities for sharing.


4. Do new things together. Any relationship can become stagnant after enough time of the ‘same old thing.’ If you want to deepen the relationship, share new experiences. This does two things to help your relationship grow: first, you will now share a special time with that person that no one else shares with them, and secondly, you will see each other in a new place where you are vulnerable. This allows your masks to slip so that you can each catch a glimpse of the deeper person.


5. Do new things apart and then come back together to share them. If you spend all your time together, even sharing new experiences, you will quickly have nothing new to talk about. If you each go out and gain new experiences apart, then you will have something exciting to share when you come back together.


6. Serve together. Serving others is one of the greatest experiences you can have together. This, again, has the effect of breaking through your own selfishness. Spend time volunteering in a soup kitchen, at a church event, at a homeless shelter, raising money for a good cause, or something similar. Help other people and you can’t help but to be changed. When you share this experience with another person, it can cause you to grow together spiritually.


7. Tell them how much you value them. Everyone likes to hear that they are loved. Don’t be afraid to tell someone that they matter to you. It may feel awkward at first, but it can help you grow together.


8. Exhort each other to growth. Proverbs 27:6 says, that wounds from a friend can be trusted. If you can speak truthfully to one another in love, then you can encourage each other to grow. A real friend is someone who will be honest with you in everything, from the small things such as a zipper that’s open to the big stuff like addictions.


9. Be intentionally humble. No one likes an arrogant jerk. You don’t want to put up with someone who thinks only of themselves, so don’t be that person. This helps a lot in personal communication. When you admit your struggles, then it helps the other person not have to compete with you. Just don’t play the false humility card.


10. Be intentionally transparent. Choose to be real. It’s that simple. You will never grow past the lightweight level of relationship until you open up and get vulnerable. Now, this isn’t something to do in the first five minutes of a relationship, but it is something you can choose to intentionally do, one step at a time.

Relationships are hard. Deep ones are even harder to get to. But, with investment in others, you can experience deep and abiding relationships that will make you a better person and broaden your life experience. Trust me, it is worth it.

Tomorrow: Top 10 Ways to Have a Better Marriage.