Ten Ways to be Better Wife

Ten Ways to be a Better Wife

Co-authored by my wife: Rebecca Loar

Just like husbands, wives are often portrayed negatively by Hollywood too. They are nags, shrews, and desperate housewives. It takes two to tango, so the wife needs to engage in improvement too. I wouldn’t have dared to undertake this project unless my wife was involved. You’d have to be a brave (or stupid) man to tell a woman where she can improve.

Again, I invite you, the reader, to comment and make suggestions of your own, so that we can improve together.

1. Guy Romantic and Girl Romantic are different – The first three Christmas presents were sweaters. Three years in a row! Epic Wife Fail!!! She thought they were nice and thought it was romantic to clothe her man. Three problems here: First, I’m a big guy and generate plenty of body heat on my own, so a sweater really becomes a sweat-er. I don’t need to be any warmer. Second, I’ve never worn sweaters, I’m not a sweater kind of guy. Fat guys in sweaters are the stuff of jokes. Finally, I was hoping for something cool, and sweaters just ain’t cool. Finally, after three years of seeing my tepid reaction upon opening my present (I’m a rotten actor), she asked me. I told her I was hoping for something cool. We discussed tools, flashlights, guns, and knives versus sweaters, cards, and such. My recommendation is find out what your man likes and buy in that area. If you aren’t sure, ask him. Or, get him a gift card to his favorite store. By the way, she got me a pair of robo-grip pliers the next year. Booyah!
2. Don’t Emasculate Your Man – You married a man, let him be a man. Don’t emasculate him. I mean that both literally and figuratively. I hate to see women who dominate their husbands, yelling at him, belittling him, treating him like a child. Henpecking is a form of abuse no different than a man who bullies his wife. Often, the man allows it because he doesn’t want to cause problems in the relationship, but the truth is, the relationship is unhealthy unless both parties are equal.
3. Give Him Time with Friends – It really is OK if he has a poker night, goes to a ball game, or goes to hang out with the guys. I don’t recommend strip clubs, but that’s for a much different issue. Occasionally, wives have issues with their men spending time with anyone but her. Trust me, if you give him some guy time, he’ll be back to give you some wife time. And, quite frankly, you don’t want to do the gross things that men do.
4. He needs a Man Cave – Give him a space of his own that you don’t decorate. Whether he is a car guy and wants the garage or he just wants to be able to watch the Cardinals lose without having to move fluffy pillows from his chair; he will appreciate the space. Workshops, computer desks, game rooms, or dens are acceptable versions of this. Let him put up a deer head or a bunch of baseball action figures (if he’s into such juvenile games as baseball). Every guy has a junior high boy inside him, so give him a place to let that out.
5. Look Nice for Him – chances are, you aren’t a supermodel. That’s OK, he’s probably not Hugh Jackman, either. You can still look nice for him. Now, I’m not talking about vacuuming the floor in high heels and pearls, it’s not 1952. But, if he likes your long hair down (and he does), wear it down for him. Dress in things that flatter your shape. Wear that low cut blouse just for him. Lingerie is a good idea once in awhile too, just make sure it isn’t too complicated. Throw it on the ground when you try it on in the store; that’s what it will look like five minutes after you put it on anyway.
6. Remember He Has Problems Too – and, he may not tell you about them all. Men are culturally taught to be strong. This often translates into holding stuff inside. Let him know you want to share with him, but don’t pressure him constantly about it. Give him space and time. This becomes especially important when he has faced loss, such as death of someone close to him, job loss or demotion, or other similar stresses.
7. Let Him be a Father – Men play with children differently than women do. This is a fact. Psychologists think that this is important in child development. So, let him rough house a little. If he has to wear a bandana over his nose to change diapers, that’s ok.
8. Respect Him – Marriage counselors will tell you that women value security and men value respect. I have found this to be very true. If you treat your man as a child, if you put down his job, if you go around him to others for help, he will feel the lack of respect and that will cause resentment. Respect him as part of your love.
9. Let Him Fix Things – There aren’t any more dragons to slay. As a man, you aren’t called on to fight with swords or rescue maidens. So let him be a knight. Men tend to be oriented towards fixing problems where women tend to get more out of sharing them. This is a common area of stress in marriages. If he has suggestions on how to fix something, consider it. Encourage him to listen to you, too, but still let him fix some things. You could also give him a sword as a present. Refer to item # 1 above.
10. Pray For Him –Pray for him to be the man he needs to be. Pray for him to do well in his job. Pray for him to be uplifted and encouraged. Pray for his confidence. Pray for his relationship with you. Pray that he doesn’t cut his finger off when working with knives (my wife forgot to do this one, so it’s her fault). Pray for him daily. Let him know that you pray for him. This kind of quiet support feels good.

Wives and husbands are different. I believe that God created us that way for a reason. Whatever His reason, it makes for some very interesting times and a roller coaster of love. It is said that when women look in a mirror, the see every flaw and focus on it, while men look in a mirror and find their best single quality and focus on that. For men, scratching and grunting are a valid form of communication and it is entirely possible for us to sit on the couch and not be thinking of anything. Stereotypes aside, wives must realize that their husbands are different from them down to the chromosomal level. So, if you want him to be the best husband he can be, you have to try to be the best wife you can be.

This post is Number 3 in a series of Ten Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily.

Tomorrow: Ten Ways to Be a Better Parent