Ten Ways to Be a Better Husband

I get annoyed by Hollywood and Television portrayals of husbands. Really annoyed. Invariably, we are portrayed as ignorant ogres and arrogant buffoons, that is, if we are portrayed at all. Yes, there are far too many men who abandon their families, but there are also good husbands out there. Here are some ideas on how to be a good husband. Again, I invite you as the reader to participate and add suggestions of your own so we can learn together.

1. Turn off the game – I’m sorry, but this has to be number one. If your wife is a sports widow, it’s time to shut off the Television and go spend time with her. The Cardinals are going to lose whether you are watching or not and you can pick it up in the sports pages tomorrow. Do you really have to watch every game, every Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Saturday? Really. Ask yourself if the outcome of a game really has any long term effect on anything important in life. Here is the answer: No. It doesn’t. Men who neglect their families in order to spend every available free minute watching a game (or working on their car, manicuring their lawn, playing golf, etc. etc. etc.) need to readjust their priorities. 60 years from now as you lie on your death bed, will you really care about the outcome of the 1972 Superbowl? Or, will you be thinking about the smile your son gave you as you first taught him how to ride a bike or the hug your daughter gave you right before you walked her down the aisle, or the look of joy on your wife’s face as you took her out to her favorite restaurant and asked her to marry you again for your 25^th wedding anniversary. The truth is, any one of those moments is worth a thousand ball games and you only get them by being a part of their lives. And, just think, 60 years from now on your deathbed, the Cardinals STILL won’t have won a Super Bowl.
2. Be smooshy – That’s right. Be Smooshy. Sorry to use such deep, intellectual and technical words, but this is important. If you want to have an incredible marriage, do sweet little smooshy, goofy things for your wife that you wouldn’t want anyone else to know you do. Trust me, you won’t lose your man card for this one. Write a little love note to her and hide it in her briefcase. Make her breakfast in bed. Buy her a card and write something nice to remember your first time making love. Give her a day at the spa while you take the kids out for some time with them. Whisper silly love phrases in her ear in the middle of a large group of people so that just you and she can hear. Be Silly. Be Fun. Be Goofy. No one else has to know and these things are better than diamonds.
3. Touch her – Now, I’m not talking about sex here. I’m talking about taking the inside of her arm and stroking it or giving her a neckrub while she is doing dishes. Put your hand on her back in a public place so she knows your with her. Rest your hand on her knee when sitting together on the couch. Hold hands. Hug. Snuggle. Kiss her ear. Yes, you can even touch her breasts too, just don't spend all of your time there. Do these things regularly and not just to get sex. Let her know she is adored.
4. Sit on the floor – this is more for arguments, but I can share this one from personal experience. Men are usually larger than their wives, with deeper voices, and more dominant presence. When you have a discussion, sit on the floor below the couch or bed where she is. This shows humility and keeps you from looming over her. This really works, especially if your wife is short. Don't forget to pick up the dust bunnies while you are down there.
5. Remember things – There is no excuse for forgetting anniversaries or her birthday. Use the calendar in your phone or on your computer. Write it down. Get her a nice present days in advance, don’t just run out and buy flowers at 7-11 on the way home from work. Forgetting her name is really bad.
6. Date – Like you did when you met, date her. Woo her for the rest of your life. Take her on dates regularly, even if it is just a picnic on a blanket at home. Don’t lose that lovin feelin. Take her chocolates on the way home from work.
   
7. Tell her she is beautiful – The pastor who did our pre-marital counseling told me something very wise: “Whether you treat her like she is beautiful or treat her like she is a nag…She will be.” Tell your wife she is beautiful regularly. Tell her you love her all the time. Listen to the song “If tomorrow never comes” by Garth Brooks and apply it to your marriage.
8. Let her tell you about her day – This falls under the category of listening. When you come home, remember, she has had a day too. It doesn’t matter if she works outside the home or raises the children, ask how her day was and listen. Interject appropriate comments, approval, sympathy, surprise, disgust (napalm diapers) etc. Let her know it matters to you. Then, don't turn around and tell her, "That's nothing, wait till you hear about my day!"
9. Go to church together – This one is pretty important. If you share a faith together, you will have a much stronger marriage. This is more than just statistics, it is about your hearts. If you are both going the same direction, the journey together has meaning. Plus, you can snuggle in the pew.
10. Always build her up in front of others – This goes along with telling her that she is beautiful. Never waste the chance to build her up in front of others. When the other guys are groaning about going home to the old bitch, let them know you look forward to going home to your wife. Want to make some real points, build her up in front of her girl friends. Send flowers to her work instead of giving them to her in private. When you pick her up from a friend’s house, be sure to kiss her and tell her she’s beautiful. Encourage her, build her up, treat her like she is important to you.

After fourteen years of marriage, I’m no expert. But, I have learned this much…It’s the little things that count. I love my wife and I want a lifetime together. I’d rather have a lifetime of happiness and sweet memories with her than a bitter, miserable relationship that drags us both down. I know that I have a choice in making one of those two thing happen.

I love you my beautiful Becky and vow to always try to be the best husband I can for you. I love you more today than I did 14 years ago.

This post is Number 2 in a series of Ten Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily.

Tomorrow – Ten Ways to Be a Better Wife (We'll see if I survive this one)