One Word

Broken.

That’s the only word I have for it.

Broken.

Broken pavement on the roads.

Broken windows in the houses.

Broken glass on the playground.

Broken hearts from the abuse, incest, and rape.

Broken families from the poverty and unemployment.

Broken lives from gang murder, drugs, and alcohol.

Broken.

Less than 2 hours from the jobs available in Phoenix, less than 50 miles from the affluent bounty of Superstition Springs Mall, is the San Carlos Apache Indian Reservation.

Less than a day ago, I went with a ministry co-worker, Amber, for a tour of the reservation where we saw for ourselves the pain and desperation of this place. 

Stories.  We heard lots of stories.  A twelve year old boy murdered by gang members.  A pre-teen girl whose uncle got her drunk in an attempt to molest her.  A young teen boy who attempted suicide in a house full of his younger siblings and cousins.  Girls pregnant at the young age of 13-15.  Those same girls, grandmas at thirty, sobering up for the first time so they can take care of their grandchildren for their addicted daughters.  Corrupt politicians handing out free 40s of malt liquor in order to garner votes.  Husbands taking the $250 a month the family lives on to gamble at the casino only to lose it all.

We saw things too.  A mom, with her two children, whose only notable fact was she happened to be sober for once.  Graffiti and gang symbols everywhere.  Sheds, shanties, rusted out cars, and tarps where whole families live without electricity or running water.  A police officer’s home, with bars on the windows next to a drug dealer’s home.  Broken Colt 45 beer bottles on the kids playgrounds.

I have no words to describe the heartache that I felt from seeing and hearing all of this.

I do have another word, though.

Hope.

The ministry that gave us the tour builds homes for the homeless on the reservation.

They provide back-to-school backpacks and supplies for kids.

They provide Christmas stockings and presents to families.

They are working on a battered women’s shelter.

They have a bus ministry that we got to take part in.  The bus drives through the neighborhoods and stops periodically and toots its horn.  Kids come running from houses all around to get a chance to go on the bus.  It then pulls up in an empty field next to a basketball court and the kids sing, get a Bible lesson, eat a snack, and then take part in games and crafts.  I got to hand out otter-pops to 45 smiling children, teach a young boy named Jay how to roller skate, and play basketball with a couple of other boys.   As we were leaving, Jay came up and handed me a rock, saying, “I found this cool rock for you, thank you for helping me to skate.”

Children are the same everywhere.  In the midst of poverty and abuse, on a playground covered with shattered glass and trash, they are still able to play and smile.

All they need is a little hope.

It’s there, in the ministry of a few people who care enough to sacrifice lives of comfort and material comfort in order to minister to those who need.

Hope.

Hope for shelter and food.

Hope for a safe place to grow up.

Hope for an education that will someday provide for them.

Hope for healthy relationships and families.

Hope for freedom from addiction and abuse.

Hope for the future.

Hope.

If you would like to help out, visit www.azrez.org and donate your time and money.  Take a trip with them to build houses.  Donate school supplies and Christmas stockings stuffed with presents.  Donate Walmart gift cards or donate cash.

Financial Tip # 5 – Listen to Noah

Noah built an ark to survive the coming flood. It took a long time and a lot of work when the skies were bright and beautiful and there was not clue that there was a storm on the horizon. “Ha, ha,” his neighbors would say, “Look at dumb Old Mr. Noah and the stupid ugly boat he’s building on dry land.” When the rains came, they learned their lesson too late as they sunk under the waters while Mr. and Mrs. Noah and family floated safely by. God told Noah to be prepared and now I’m telling you.

OK, I’m taking that out of context for a financial series, but the idea of being prepared is a good one. If you aren’t saving money for a rainy day, then you will be in trouble when the storm comes. As I’ve written these tips, I’ve had several people comment on Facebook and in person about how they had to get a loan because of the position that they were in. That is the message of all of this, if you take control of your finances instead of letting them control you, then there should never come a time when you have to get a loan. This is why payday lenders exist – people don’t have a cushion of savings and investments. This is why car dealers make so much money off of car loans - people aren't prepared to buy their next car because they are still paying on their old one.

Every good financial advisor will tell you that you have to pay yourself first. Now, I would say pay God first (giving) and then pay yourself second, but we’ll talk about giving later in another blog. Right now, we'll talk about savings. This is building a boat before the floods come.

Every single paycheck, put a little back. If you are already in a tough financial position (as most people are), then you may only be able to put a few bucks back at a time. But do it. No excuses. Even if it is five dollars a paycheck right now, take Nike’s advice and just do it. Open a separate savings account at the bank, for which you do not have an ATM card. As each paycheck is deposited, move whatever you can afford over into that account and then DON’T TOUCH IT! This account is only for emergencies. For the record, emergencies do not include buying a better car than the one that you already have that is running. They don’t include dinner out with the family. Vacations are not emergencies.

Ultimately, save back three to six months of expenses and then some. I used to think that this was an impossible goal. But, a little at a time gets you there.

Once you have your cushion, then you begin two new steps: investing for the future and saving for specifics.

Investing for the future means retirement, college for the kids, and future medical expenses. This is done through a good financial advisor with mutual funds, IRAs, 401ks, and the like.

Saving for specific things includes your next vehicle, car maintenance and repair, vacations, house down payment (if you don’t already own one), etc. These can be specific future needs or fun desires. The key is you save for them now and then you won’t use debt to get them later.

Emergencies DO happen. The rains WILL come. The question here is whether you have built a boat to survive the flood or will you be drowning when the waters close over you.

Disclaimer: I am not a trained financial advisor, I just play one on this blog. Seriously. Get good financial advice in life. My information comes primarily from personal experience, working in consumer lending in the banking industry, and watching friends, family, and parishioners struggle. But, much of this is common sense, most people just don't use their common sense when it comes to financial matters.

Ten Ways To Be A Better Parent + A Bonus

Parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever love. Good parenting can be very difficult. It can be enjoyable too. Having worked in youth ministry for over twelve years, I have observed some parenting techniques that seem to work well and many others that are destructive.

The hardest part about parenting is, that no matter how many right things you do, you are still dealing with another human being who will ultimately make their own choices. Even the best parents sometimes end up with black sheep. With that said, there are some better practices that make this less likely and other practices that make it more likely.

1. Consistency, Consistency, Consistency – This is extremely important. If there are two parents in the home, they need to set similar boundaries and agree on punishments and rewards. Whether you are a single parent or married, you need to individually keep boundary lines steady for your child. If you are constantly changing things or if both parents disagree and have different boundaries, your child will be unsure, lack confidence, or worse, they will learn how to manipulate the situation. Did I mention, Consistency?
2. Keep Balance – No, this has nothing to do with a tight rope and a unicycle. But, this is probably the single worst behavior that I see across the continuum of parenting today: parents who allow their children to overload their lives with busy-ness. Soccer games are followed by swimming followed by volleyball followed by dance followed by student government followed by gymnastics followed by baseball followed by club after club after club. Any one of these can be a wonderful way for your child to improve themselves; all of them together will not be. Encourage your child to pick one physical, one mental, and one spiritual thing to focus on. This is the three legged stool pictured above. You cannot have balance if you take legs away. Also, encourage them to spend some time in solitude once in awhile. As a parent, you have to set the example, too. Focus on your priorities and don’t try to do everything. This will improve the lives of the entire family because you won’t be rushing everywhere all the time.
3. You Are Not Their BFF – You are not your child’s friend. I’m sorry to say that, but it is true. You are their parent. That is not to say that you cannot have a close relationship, but when the chips are down, kids do not need another friend, they need a steady, strong, dependable adult. You have to make the hard decisions some times, set boundaries, have rules, and administer punishments. Don’t just assume that “they’ll do it anyway” when it comes to disobedience, alcohol, drugs, or any other bad or dangerous behavior. Decide what is acceptable and what is not. Guard their safety and communicate right and wrong to them. It may be rough, they may be angry at you, but ultimately they will be better for it.
4. Let Them Grow Up – You are not raising a child, You are raising an adult. Always keep in mind that you are trying to raise a person to be an effective, balanced adult who can make decisions and take care of themselves in the world. This means that you have to let them fail and learn to pick themselves up. You have to let them learn some hard lessons in life. You cannot shelter them completely from this. Your job is to maintain a tension between protecting them in an age appropriate way, and letting them step out with greater and greater responsibility and privileges. This is probably the hardest part of parenting.
5. Land the Helicopter – Please don’t hover over your kids constantly. Be involved in their lives, but don’t be there correcting every mistake they might make trying to guide every single decision in their lives. Teach them and then let them go out into the world a little bit at a time. You don’t want to still be making choices for your child when they are thirty, and you definitely don’t want to be changing diapers then.
6. Do As I Say AND As I Do – Kids see what you do and imitate that. It’s kind of scary when you experience this as a parent. I was driving with my daughter one time and someone cut me off. My daughter said from the back seat, “That guy was a clown, wasn’t he, daddy.” Evidently, she had heard me call another driver a clown for bad driving and now repeated it. It made me glad that I didn’t call him anything worse. If you want a child who is honest, don’t lie. If you want a child who respects others, don’t berate a waitress for making a mistake on your order. If you want a child who goes to church, you have to wake up and go too. If you drop an f-bomb in front of your child, you will hear it back someday.
7. Look Ahead – Don’t wait for your child to get into trouble, plan ahead. If your daughter is already pregnant at fourteen, it's too late to discuss sex with her. If you sit down and think about it, you know what stage is coming up next in their life, and you can plan how to deal with situations. When will you allow them to date alone? When will she be allowed to wear makeup? Is he really ready to have a cell phone yet? What will be acceptable driving, and what get’s the car taken away? Is it acceptable to wear kilts? Talk these ahead of time and then communicate with your child.
8. Family Time – Pick a night. Turn off the television. Turn off the phones. Don’t schedule anything else. Eat dinner together. Play a game. Talk. Ask about their day, and listen. Look through old family photo albums. Shoot some hoops together. Go camping. You may see them roll their eyes, but if you make it a regular habit, they will appreciate it. And, years later, these will be the things they remember fondly, and maybe they’ll spend some time with you by choice when you have an empty nest.
9. Don’t forget the spiritual side – One of the worst statements that I have ever heard someone say is, “I don’t think I should force morals on my child, I’ll just wait till they are old enough to decide on their own.” I have heard some version of this statement from dozens of people. Yes, religion is a personal thing. Yes, there are many spiritual choices out there. But, that doesn’t mean that it is unimportant. In fact, not making this a priority leaves your child open to many dangerous choices. The simple truth is this, your child WILL make their own choice someday anyway. Even if you raise them in church, they will someday choose for themselves. But, while they are with you, it is your responsibility to give them a healthy moral and spiritual foundation that they can build on. Consider it this way, you wouldn’t leave your toddler in a room full of knives, burning candles, and open bottles of poison. Why then would you let your child go out in a world full of dangerous messages without giving them some guidance.
10. Reward Right Behavior – Please don’t make your parenting methods based solely on punishment. When your child makes a good choice, encourage that. Help them to know that there are rewards in life for doing good as well as punishment for doing bad things. This can be a very powerful way to help them to choose right from wrong.
11. Failure is OK – Yes, you heard that right. It is OK to fail. In fact, it can be the best thing to happen to your child. I find it exasperating that children’s sports are now setup so everyone wins. Games at my daughter’s schools are this way. We have had kids in our youth group in school programs where no one gets an F. Everything is positive and everyone is happy. We wouldn’t want to accidentally damage their poor little self-esteem. If you don’t fail, how can you ever realize that you need to improve? What impetus is there to strive if there is no pain from failure? This unhealthy concept does nothing to prepare your child to grow up in the real world where they will lose their job if they don’t make enough sales, where they will have to compete for job interviews, where they will have to earn their own way. Don’t protect your child from failure. Help them learn to pick themselves. Teach them how to evaluate the reasons for their failure and decide if this is what they need be doing. Help them learn how to strive for goals and how to respect themselves if they gave it all they had and still weren’t the best.

Yes, I know that's eleven annd not ten, but if you have read my blog before, you know I don't like to be bound by such silly superstitions as math. I cannot guarantee that these ideas will make you a perfect parent, but they can you a better one. As always, I invite you, as the reader to contribute your own ideas in comments.

This post is Number 4 in a series of Ten Top Ten Lists on improving yourself. This series will be posted daily.

Tomorrow: Ten Ways to Be a Better Employee

BONUS:

This Top 10 article has a bonus: 10 things that don’t work in parenting:

1. Too Much Time At Work – Some parents (especially men) believe that parents should provide everything a child might want. Often they say things like, “I just want to give them what I didn’t have when I was a kid.” Then, the parent works long hours to provide the funds to make this happen, in the interim, missing out on their child’s day-to-day life. Your entire family will do much better if you adjust your priorities, do without some luxuries, and spend that extra time together.
2. Telling Them They Aren’t Good Enough – Few parents actually come out and say this, but the message becomes loud and clear when the child comes home with a B and is told they could have had an A if they tried harder. Parents often drive their kids to be the best in school, the best in sports, the best in all they do. A healthier way is to encourage them to be the best they can be in their own strengths and weaknesses. If your child struggles with Math and brings home a B, rejoice. If they are excellent at Math, then encourage them to apply themselves more. Let them know that, if they work at something and do well, that is enough. They don’t have to be the best at everything.
3. Raising False Hopes – This is the other end of the spectrum from the previous one. Parent’s sometimes give their kids too much encouragement. The simple truth is, not everyone can be a professional basketball player. If your child is the shortest in class and clumsy, they probably won’t ever play pro-ball. Encourage them to play for fun. If your child sings like a frog and they aren’t selected for choir, don’t tell that they are the best singer and the Director made a mistake. Help them (in a balanced way) to understand their strengths and build on those.
4. Rigidity – No one likes to live in a dictatorship of absolutes. As a parent, you have to be flexible at times. Give a little, once in awhile. This is not to say that you shouldn’t be consistent, but gentle consistency is much better than rigid, by-the-book domination. Also, consider the realities of each child and tailor your parenting somewhat to each. As a child, I was an introvert who could spend all day reading by myself. Time-outs just wouldn’t work for me. Even if you took my book away, I was fine just being inside my own head. My wife, however, was very social, so a time out was definitely a punishment to her.
5. Punishments That Don’t Fit the Crime – Overly broad punishments or punishments that have nothing to do with the crime don’t help the child learn. The best thing parents can do is to send the child to their room and discuss the gravity, the scope, and the method of punishment. If your 9 year old lies to you about taking a cookie from the cookie jar, taking their allowance away has no connection. However, having them write 100 times, “Lying makes people not trust me” and restricting them from cookies for a week has a direct connection that will leave an impression.
6. Letting Them Grow Up Too Fast – This is very important. I hate shopping with my daughter now. The stores sell sexy clothes to 8-9 year old girls. I hate to see parents who allow their pre-teen to dress in clothing that looks like it belongs on a stripper. Movies and video games are the same way. A child’s mind cannot process certain ideas until their brains develop that area. Your twelve year old should not be watching the movie, “Saw.” An eight year old has no business playing a video game where you shoot prostitutes. You don’t have to completely shelter them, but, you do need to use wisdom in what you expose them to and at what age they are exposed to it.
7. Sheltering Them Too Much – This is another one of those tension things. You can’t protect them from everything. They do have to grow up sometime and realize that there are bad people in the world.
8. Public Punishment – Please don’t punish your children in front of other people, especially their peers. Punishment should be limited to the family and take place in a situation where reasons can be discussed. Also, on this subject, talk about punishments with your kids to make sure they understand the reasons, and how to make better choices in the future. Finally, when the punishment is done, let it be done. Don’t keep bringing the issue up again and again in the future (unless the child keeps making the same mistake).
9. Living Vicariously Through Your Kids – So you were the star football player and helped win the game against Podunk High 20 years ago. Don’t pressure your child to be a football star. Big Deal, you wanted to be a professional piano player, but your hands weren’t big enough. Please don’t force your kids into 18 years of piano lessons. Allow your kids to be who they want to be. Allow them to enjoy their own likes and dislikes. Feel free to tell them long boring stories about your childhood, just don’t try to make them into your image.
10. Divorce – OK, it’s a modern world, and you’re in charge of your own life. I get that. But, what hurts kids the most is when adults are more childish than they are. Except in cases of abuse, divorce is very hurtful for children. A recent study showed that children who were part of a divorce situations still had problems 25 years later. What’s worse, if parents are bickering, using the kids as pawns in their battles, or tearing down the other parent in front of the children; the damage is much worse. I have two words, GROW and UP!!! If you aren’t divorced, but have marital problems, get help. Please. Find a marriage counselor, join a married couples support group, talk to clergy. Repairing your marriage is the best gift you could give your children. If you are divorced, at least play nice in front of your kids. And, as a side note, if you are a single parent, do NOT date in front of your kids. Wait until you and the other person are seriously considering marriage to begin introducing them. Bringing a parade of boyfriends or girlfriends in and out of your child’s life is very scarring to them.

How Sweet it Is

Life is too short for broken relationships.

Rifts between loved ones, cold distance between former friends, and estrangement through busyness are all perfectly terrible ways to waste precious time and precious people. There will come a time when you lay on your deathbed awaiting your end. Will any hurt be worth taking to your grave? Will your pride be so much that you push people away even then? Will all of your time spent in pointless activity be worth the loss of time you might have spent with someone you cared about?

In the last few weeks, I have gotten a chance to experience reconciliation in some relationships in my life. One, a family member, has finally opened up, allowing me and my family back into his life. The other is a friend that I used to work with who crashed his life through drugs, disappearing from my life for several years.

In both cases, it was not my desire to break the relationship, but it happened anyway. The hardest part was facing the fact that, no matter how I felt, no matter what I did, it was up to the other person to come back.

With that said, it is so sweet to be able to reforge broken bonds, to be able to connect again to those you have lost. It is amazingly easy to get past the pain and hurt if you just decide that the person is more important than the past.

I learned much about broken relationships and reconciliation as a child. My father and his father were at odds through a large part of my childhood. During that time, I had no grandparents. They were there, but I wasn’t able to see them because of stubborn hard-heartedness on the part of both my father and grandfather. As a child, I could never understand why my grandpa didn’t love me. I now know it had little to do with me, but the damage was still done to a little boy. It wasn’t until my early teen years that they reconciled.

I am no saint. Though I observed the lesson, I didn’t learn it till later in my adulthood. During my late teens and early twenties, I treated the relationships in my life flippantly. I threw away people as though trash. It tears my heart as I think back on hurt that I have caused others.

I greatly regret the 2-3 years that I was apart from some very close friends because I was so self-focused. I also regret some terrible things that I did and said to people during that time. Nothing can ruin a relationship faster than self-centeredness. There is still a girl to this day who I owe a deep apology too for how I treated her. We once were friends and now, no longer are. I hope one day to reconcile that relationship.

I am taking steps now to reach out to people who I have pushed away in the past and those who I have just been too busy to make time for. There are no acceptable excuses.

This is important to God. Jesus says in Matthew 5:23-24 that reconciliation is even more important than going to church today or offering to God. He says to leave the gift in front of the altar and go be reconciled, then come back and offer at the altar.

As I said before, Life is too short for broken relationships.

That’s my challenge to you, this very day. Will you toss away friends and family as though they were garbage? Will you let those past hurts be more important than the person that you valued? Or...Will you reach out. Will you begin to bridge the gap?

This is the day. Don’t let another day pass without reaching out to bridge the gap. It doesn’t matter if they’ve hurt you or you’ve hurt them. It doesn’t matter if you were too busy yesterday, only that you aren’t too busy today.

Someday, some random Thursday afternoon, you are going to get that call. You know the call I am speaking of, the call that says there will never again be a chance to reconcile with them because they are gone. If you don’t do something today, then that someday will come all too soon.

I urge you, stop reading this blog, turn off the computer, and make that call. Be humble. Be forgiving. Ask for forgiveness. Reconcile. Today. Now. Don't wait till it is too late.

How sweet it is to be welcomed back.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:17-18

First Friday

My wife, daughters, and I took a walk through the First Fridays Artwalk in Phoenix last week. What an incredible experience! Not only is it good exercise (we eschewed the shuttle and walked from the Phoenix Art Museum), but it is an incredible experience in humanity.

First Fridays take place, coincidentally, on the first Friday of each month from 6:00pm – 10:00pm in downtown Phoenix. Local art galleries, museums, churches, and small businesses along Central and Roosevelt streets open up in the evenings and the world comes to their door. Add to this, street performers, costumed folks, vendors and the fact that it costs nothing to visit, and you have an event worth checking out.

The best part about First Fridays is the people. Two rich older Scottsdale socialites stood in the a gallery, rubbing elbows with a couple of tough looking lesbian chicks viewing paintings that were obviously the work of the fluttering Spanish artist standing out front. A skinny dude dressed like a dime-store cowboy complete with a bushy handlebar mustache walks by a young girl sporting a purple mohawk, chains, and more piercings than I can count. Two Sedona type ladies wearing hemp skirts and too much turquoise jewelry pass by an asian girl dressed like a cupie doll. A black man with dreadlocks piled high enough to be seen from outer space hands wearing suit hands fliers to a group of young Hispanic kids walking by. A middle-eastern man sells gelato from the storefront of a gallery where he lives with a native-american artist who makes silver jewelry. A lone girl dances by herself, swaying to music that only she can here from the iPod plugged into her ears. A group of several dozen people amble along made up to look like zombies, carrying signs proclaiming “Lose Weight on the Undead Plan” or “Zombies are People Too.” They are preceded by a group of guys and girls dressed up like the Ghostbusters, complete with Proton Backpacks. People of every color, shape, age, and economic group intermingle peacefully.

First Fridays are also about the music. As you walk the east route down Roosevelt, you wade through pools of music. Our first steps took as past an urban church with young street rappers alternate laying down the best rhymes while sharing their testimonies about Christ releasing them from the bondage of drugs and gangs. Next was man playing the pan pipes, selling his CD’s. A little farther down, in front of a small record store that still sells vinyl was a female heavy metal group complete with a generator and screaming electric guitars. Just across the street was a group of men in kilts playing the bagpipes and on up a ways, a white teen played a snare drum and high hat while a black teen played acoustic guitar and sang love ballads. There was a man sitting at an organ playing big band music and from a local cathedral, the sounds of an a cappella chorus rang out like a chorus of angels. The dreadlocked man in a suit had a large boom box playing reggae and many of the galleries had some sort of peaceful music playing with the exception of the Victorian house with the flashing disco lights that had throbbing techno music coming from inside. A homeless guy sat in the median tapping on an old bongs in a desultory way with a tin can placed in front for donations. A little further up, another guy played blues on a saxophone with a hat in front of him (he received a lot more donations).

Vendors sold everything from homemade jewelry to hemp clothing to tamales, to protest t-shirts while street performers did all kinds of crazy things from magic to the guy who jumped barefoot into a pile of glass.

What a crazy and awesome experience. And, here is where the lesson comes in –

This is what I picture eternal life to be like. As I read the Book of Revelation in the Bible, I don’t see that we will spend an eternity wearing white robes and sitting on clouds playing harps. Where that silly idea came from, I don’t know, but it just won’t seem to die. No, I see eternal life here on earth in a great city with all of the different types of people and cultures in the world, living, loving, and serving together in a truly diverse society. (Revelation 5:9 and Revelation 21:1-27)

As I looked out on the crowds at First Friday, I could see God everywhere. He was in the art and the music. God Himself is an amazing artist and musician. He lavished color, texture, and sound on His creation. I believe that our varied artistic abilities are just one example of the ways in which we are made in His image. He was also in the people. It is much easier for me to see Jesus hanging out in these crowds than to see him in many of the churches I have been to. God loves these people where they are, he wishes only that they come to him. He doesn’t expect them to put on a suit and sit rigidly in pews on Sunday morning, he wants them to put on His love and go into the world around them.

I invite each of you to visit First Friday. Immerse yourself in the crowd. Get a little crazy. Dress differently than you normally would. Get out of your comfort zone. Buy something from a vendor and drop some money in the hat in front of a street performer. Talk to the weirdest looking person that you can find. Your probably the weirdest person they can find too. Experience the wonders of diversity and pray for those around you. Be sure to get that gelato – trust me, it’s worth it.

First Fridays link for info: http://www.artlinkphoenix.com/ or http://phoenix.about.com/cs/enter/a/firstfriday.htm

The next First Friday event is November 6, 2009. Maybe I'll see you there. I'll probably be wearing my kilt.

In my professional opinion, it's time to get over it

OK, I have to say it... It has been two weeks now. If you aren't a part of Michael Jackson's immediate family and friends - Get over it.

I'm tired of that being the headlines in all the news, constantly mentioned on talk radio, and the only thing anyone seems to be talking about. I have no patience for the cult of personality for celebrities that our culture seems to thrive on.

You didn't know him personally and, no matter how much you liked his music, there is no personal connection there. Zip. Zero. Nada. Nicht. None.

If your life is so empty that his death matters to you (or the happenings of any other famous celebrity that you don't personally know), then it's time for you to get out into the real world. Go meet some people. Make some friends. Go to church. Use your time to serve others and get to know them.

His daughter's eulogy broke my heart. I hurt for her and the rest of his immediate family, just like I hurt for anyone who has lost someone close to them.

For the rest of you - get a life of your own and get over it.

That's all I have to say about that.

P.S. this also goes for anything to do with Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, Brad and Angelina, Brad and Jennifer, the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, etc. etc. etc.