Don't be a Hater

There is a person who periodically comes up to me at church to tell me the latest of what that “d**ned Obama” is up to and how he intends to destroy our country by making it into a dictatorship. This person is under the mistaken assumption that I am a Republican (because of course, Christian equals Republican, right) and also is under the mistaken assumption that Romans 13:1-2 doesn’t apply to them or to this administration.

There is another person in my life who loves to talk about Sarah Palin and how stupid she is and how she would have destroyed America. Another cornered me periodically over the last few years to tell me what an idiot president Bush was. He loved to speak of George W as if he was a low IQ bumbling fool who was being controlled by dark forces within the Republican party.

I am an avid listener of talk radio when I am driving. I bounce around the dial, trying to catch multiple sides and hear the differences in how they understand issues (not just listen, but to actually hear). I try to listen to them all from Randi Rhodes to Rush Limbaugh and just about anything in between. For the record, I prefer those in-between. I am not a Republican, nor am I a Democrat, although I have both during periods in my voting life. I am an independent and truly believe that both parties are poor representatives of our country because of the radical polarization that has occurred.

As I listen to talk radio as well as the well-intentioned people around me, I have become more and more convinced that this polarized hatred for the other side prevents any really useful dialog. These people speak of the opposing political party with venomous hatred, as if the other side is actually an enemy and not just fellow Americans with a different point of view. There is this sense of disbelief and anger that someone just might have a differing opinion and still be an American.

I have observed that there is even a pattern to this. Those on the conservative or ‘right-wing’ like to attack someone as if they are evil-intentioned and out to turn America into a dictatorship, like some sort of modern day Darth Vader. They like to show themselves as strongly moral and protectors of all that is right with this nation as if they were Captain America. Left wingers like to attack the intelligence of the other side as if they are all wide-eyed, bigoted bumpkins who cannot tie their own shoes, like a cross between Jed Clampet and Archie Bunker. They try to bring themselves across as well educated saviors of the little guy, kind of like Jesus if he went to Harvard. The problem with all of these characterizations is that they are one-dimensional and never really address the real people or issues involved.

As I listen to President Obama, I have to conclude that he is well intentioned and truly believes that his policies are best for this nation. I cannot believe that he has some evil plot to destroy America. I am not a fan of many of his policy ideas but I cannot fault him for his sincerity.

I also am not a fan of George Bush. I believe our entry into Iraq was wrong, but it wasn’t all his doing (lest we forget all those congressmen and women who voted to go in also). However, he is obviously not an idiot. In fact, I have to believe that he is a very intelligent person. I do believe that he purposely uses his southern accent and colloquial manner of speaking to disarm people and make them underestimate him. But, there is no way he could have the education that he has or reached the position he did if he really was truly that dumb.

In debate, these types of insulting attacks are called Ad Hominem attacks. Ad Hominem is a weak tactic used by those who are unable to clearly discuss the issues at hand. It is only effective when your audience is not educated on the issues. This type of attack is unfair and below us as a society.

It is time for us as a nation of people to stand against this. If you are a Republican, fight the issues, present evidence, but don’t resort to outlandish conspiracy theories and innuendo. If you are a Democrat, argue your point, show them where they might be wrong, but don’t use childish name-calling. Both sides need to also point out what is right with the other and present options when they disagree. Even more, voters need to educate themselves and actually vote with their beliefs and not just party-line, even if that means you vote for a candidate who is (gasp) of the other party.

Let’s bring our political ideas out of grade school and remember that ‘sticks and stones my break our bones but names will never hurt us’

P.S. I have said it before in my blogs and to anyone who discusses politics with me. I believe the ideal setup for our government that will benefit all Americans is as follows:

A congress that is made up of every part of the political spectrum from the far right to the far left and all the shades in between.

A president that is of the opposite party than the one that is currently in control of Congress

A supreme court that is very strictly constitutional and very cautiously conservative on how they interpret the constitution. (That’s conservative as in careful, not conservative as in Republican).

This setup keeps our politicians in check and allows every position to have their voice heard without one group overwhelming the other.

Now, get out there and vote for what you think is right, but vote educated and actually take the time to listen to the other side.

And don’t be a hater.

War Stories

I take my own life in my hands to write this blog entry, but there are times when you have to stand up and share the truth though it endangers your very life. I risk upsetting the most dangerous and unpredictable of human beings…

The pregnant woman.

There is no more deadly beast.

Pregnancy seems to be a right-of-passage for women, without which, other women who have been through it don’t consider you “woman-enough.” As a man, I watch as a disinterested, uninvolved party; I am the narrator on the Discovery channel watching another species, trying to understand the unusual behavior that they are observing.

It is interesting to watch the herd behavior when a young woman becomes pregnant. She shares, with excitement, the amazing news that she will now be involved in the miracle of life. The matriarchs of the herd begin to gather around this new pregnant woman shaking their heads, moving into place as part of an amazing and unusual instinct.

Each woman takes her turn in a carefully orchestrated ritual, as old as time itself: the telling of war stories. First, one woman tells her story of pain and horror, speaking of hours of labor, blood, sweat, and pain. She is usually the youngest, the most recently pregnant, and the one who has little experience in telling her story.

Then, the next woman goes, telling a slightly worse tale, each woman topping the previous story. Somehow, by instinct, they know where there story fits among the others so that each has a turn increasing the terror of the poor new mother. They put Navy Seals to shame as they recount their tales of tearing of flesh, muscles cramping, screams of pain, and blood gushing.

Finally, the last woman, the one with the most gruesome story takes her turn. Any men who may have stayed for a story or two have long since run away in squeamish shock and revulsion. We just aren’t strong enough to take this kind of pain. The new mother is beginning to look green and is reconsidering whether she wants to be part of this awful experience. This final story will be the worst of all, a tale of woe that would terrify the stoutest of hearts. With relish and a careful use of all of the dramatic storytelling tools, this final Queen of the Matriarch shares her account of struggle in the trenches of the birthing room. Nothing is left hidden, all is fair game. Bodies are torn apart, deep scars are left, death is approached. Listeners are left bereft of hope, shell-shocked with fear and emotional exhaustion.

You have to wonder why anyone would go through this, and yet most of these women have more than one child.

As a man, I have observed this behavior time and time again. I have to wonder why they don’t encourage each other. “It’s hard, and it will hurt, but you’ll make it through, we did.” It’s no wonder that so many women have epidurals despite the potential for harm to both mother and baby.

Maybe someone could suggest to these women that there is a better way.

Of course the narrator on the discovery channel never sits down with a group of lionesses to suggest a better way of finding food.

I’m not brave enough or stupid enough to challenge a group of moms. I know they can smell fear.

I think I’ll just stick to observation from the jeep.

Eavesdropping

7:00 am. Sitting in an almost empty classroom with several other students trying to study for a Biology midterm in half an hour. Two young girls in their late teens sitting somewhere behind me begin talking.

“My boyfriend asked me to marry him, says Girl 1.

“You’re not gonna do it are ya,” says asks Girl 2

“Na, Marriages fail over half the time and I just don’t want to go through that, I just wanna move in, that way, when it doesn’t work out, no one gets hurt,” replies Girl 1.

“Makes sense,” observes Girl 2

I try to continue focusing on my upcoming Biology test, but my brain hurts from the incredible lack of thought contained in that short conversation. These poor girls are a product of their generation, but it still pains me that they have learned so many wrong lessons so young.

Even worse, Girl 1 will be living a self-fulfilling prophesy. She will experience marriage failure and relationship breakups because she wrongly believes that life just happens to you and there is nothing you can do about it.

It saddens me that she will probably give her heart to man after man, losing a little bit each time a relationship dies. Living together married or unmarried; broken relationships destroy a little bit of your heart each time, ultimately leaving you cold and cynical.

I wanted to tell these girls that it doesn’t have to be this way. A lifetime commitment is still possible, even in this day and age. It just takes the right tools.

I didn’t say anything to these girls, but I should have. I’m not sure they would have listened or even appreciated the input, considering I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

This is a cultural issue in America today. We don’t take marriage seriously enough. I just listened to the interview with Kate from John and Kate plus Eight. She was speaking about how people change, about how she meant her vows back when she said them, but things are different now. It is as if she was completely helpless to events unfolding.

Study after study has shown how important a stable marriage is to the mental and physical health of the couple as well as to the mental, physical, and emotional health of any children involved. We must take this seriously as a society.

Marriage must not be a lark, something you jump into because of giddy feelings of puppy love. It must involve some work by both parties as well as families and friends supporting them. If you are considering marriage, get educated, get premarital counselling. Observe your spouse-to-be around their family and friends. If you don't like something about them at that time, they won't change after the wedding. After the marriage, join a married couples group and talk out the issues before they get personal. Marriage is fun, but it does take work. The tools are out there, we just need to unpack the toolbox.

My wife and I have committed to not end up like our parents. Over thirteen years, we have been in married couples groups, worked through personal studies, gotten counseling, and continually renewed our commitments to each other and to God.

We have watched many of our fellow couples follow a similar pattern and succeed. We have also watched many others give in to selfishness, boredom, dishonesty, and lack of effort. They aren’t together any more.

It can be done.

I wish I had spoken to those two girls. Someone needs to spread messages of hope.

Are You Being Served?

Over more than a decade in ministry, I have watched an interesting phenomenon occur. There are a group of church-attenders who leave another church, show up at ours, stay for awhile, and then leave to go to a new church down the road. There, presumably they repeat the process.
Upon their arrival, they generally have something negative to say about their previous church and upon leaving, they generally have something negative to say about us.

The most common reason that I have heard is, “I’m wasn’t being fed.” This is then followed by some need that they have that wasn’t being met by the church: “no one came up to me and talked to me on Sundays” or “my marriage was in trouble and no one helped me” or I really want a small group for singles over the age of forty.”

Each of these reasons goes back to the original, “I’m not being fed.” Can you hear the selfishness and laziness of that statement? Several of the Proverbs speak of the ‘sluggard.’ My favorite is, "the sluggard buries his hand in the dish; he is too lazy to bring it back to his mouth.” I love the picture here of this lazy guy putting his hand in the bowl of food and just being too lazy to lift it back up to his lips. The application here is obvious. “I’m not being fed” translates to, I want someone else to fill my needs and I am too busy to do anything about it myself.

The writer of Hebrews says, “We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness.” Did you hear that? He says, “Quit being babies and grow up!” He tells them that they ought to be able to teach themselves and others by now, but they are so immature that they aren’t ready for it.

I cannot speak for every other church, but this one has some excellent teaching. Our preaching pastor is an expert in his field, he teaches other pastors how to preach. He is gifted at combining the art and science of hermeneutics and homiletics into an interesting and informative lesson. We also have small groups with good teaching in them. Also, almost every other church that I have visited falls into this category. The teaching is usually very good. It has been a rare occasion indeed when I have left a sister church taking issue with their teachings. This tells me that the food is there, it just isn’t making it to their lips.

The picture we need to get is of a giant Thanksgiving dinner. The whole family is there along with many guests. There is a spread of food on the table, enough to make it sag. There is turkey and dressing, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry sauce (the real kind with whole cranberries, nuts, and orange peels), green bean casserole, hot fresh bread with real butter dripping off of it, mincemeat, sweet potato pie, and all the other fixin’s that you could imagine. Much of the family and guests are eating, but there are a few that are just sitting there. Grown adults, salivating at the smells, their stomachs are grumbling, but they just sit there with their hands at their sides, their plates empty…waiting for someone else to put food in their mouth.

That is not what the Christian life is.

There is no call for servants of Jesus to sit there and let others do for them, in fact, quite the opposite. All of the New Testament is a call to action. It is full of verbs:
Make disciples, Serve one another, Be, Do, Love…

The message of God’s Kingdom is not, what has the church done for me lately; it is, How can I serve God and others. It has nothing to do with my own entertainment and everything to do with the sacrificial giving of my time, money, and self to God’s work.

In 1 Corinthians 12, Paul compares the church to a body. We are all parts (eyes, hands, feet, stomachs, etc) and all of us have parts to serve the body as a whole. It is time that we separate our consumer-driven culture from our church body. We are not a business, we are a Body, a community, a family.

Picture that Thanksgiving dinner again. This time, we work together. I’ll roast the turkey because I have a wonderful recipe for brining it that makes it extra juicy. Aunt Meg will bake the bread because that’s what she does. Dad will make the cranberry dressing using grandma’s old iron crank grinder bolted to the edge of the kitchen table. My friend Kris will bring over her fancy china and we’ll ask Denise and Hazel to make a beautiful centerpiece. Grandma Ruth Gonzeles will bring the giblet gravy and all the little girls will set the table while the boys bring in a bunch of mismatched chairs for everyone to sit on. Dan Vincent will make the pumpkin pies and Chip will say the blessing. Theo will show up bringing a homeless person that he just met and Earl will be ready to take the leftovers from the meal to the rescue mission. When the meal is done, we’ll all clean the dishes and then sit down on the porch and talk with each other while the kids play in the back yard.

That is the body of Christ, each person actively doing their part and all of us spending time in community…In communion.

If you want to be fed, pick up your Bible and start reading

If you want to be fed, volunteer at the church or at a service ministry.

If you want to be fed, begin introducing yourself to others at church.

If you want to be fed, join a small group Bible study.

If you want to be fed, stick around after church and get to know others.

If you want to be fed, you’ve got to do some of the work - feed yourself.

If you are one of those who tells me that you aren’t being fed, don’t be surprised if I don’t have a sympathetic ear. In this house, if you don’t work, you don’t eat! (2 Thessalonians 3:9-15)


Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. 1Peter 4:10

Perfect Birthday Gift

July 27, 2009. 37 years to the day from the time of my birth.

I write this not out of melancholy about growing older, nor to garner attention for the day. I write out of consideration of the gift of life that God has given me.

I once talked with my wife about making my own coffin. I love to do woodworking and leather crafting, so I am pretty sure that I could make a pretty cool coffin. I would probably put shelves in it so that it could be a useful bookcase or cabinet until I needed it for its primary purpose. I even downloaded plans from the internet.

My wife just gave me that look that she occasionally gives me when I come up with ideas like this. The look say, ‘I love you, but I think you are a bubble off of plumb.” She wasn’t too keen on the idea of having a coffin around.

Yes, I know this is weird, but track with me for a bit.

I figured out quite some time ago that life starts slow, in grade school, one year of life feels like it takes about a decade to complete (especially in math class). But sometime after your teens, life starts to go in fast forward. Each year, it gets faster and faster. I’m pretty sure that my final years will be reduced to minutes.

Again, this is not meant to be a maudlin commentary about the speed of life or my passing youth.

I just want some sort of constant reminder of the value of the time given us. I think that I might waste less time and resources if I have some sort of visual touchstone like my own coffin.

I wonder, would I spend any more money on ‘toys’ instead of using it to help others?

I wonder, would I waste any more time on video games or randomly surfing the net instead of spending time with my wife and daughter?

I wonder, would I spend so much time doing ministry work instead of investing time in the people that I am called to serve.

The problem with birthdays, funerals, and New Years day is that we so easily make resolutions to change, to focus on the important things. Yet, these things quickly go out the window as the day to day distractions of life step in. We pay bills, we lust after new toys (which usually leads to more bills), we go to work, we work on the house, we get our oil changed, we busy ourselves with hobbies. How quickly we forget our resolutions and begin wasting what little time we have.

This is why I want my own coffin. It can serve as a reminder that just won’t go away. Even if it starts to fade into the background of my own busy-ness, other people will remind me as they see it in my office or at the house.

In fact, I think this would make a great birthday gift that I could make for other people. A fine oak box, carved with beautiful designs and lined in fine leather, useful for a coffee table or a book case. Just picture the look on the person’s face as they open their birthday present from me and find a coffin.

Perhaps my wife is right, I just might be a bubble off of plumb.

Camp Songs and Theodicy

Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so.

Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong.

The perennial church camp song, sung by kids for so many generations.

We sang this at Kids Camp this last week and it started me thinking.

In youth and childrens ministry, I have seen all kinds of horrible things that have been done to kids and heard even more second hand stories. Physical abuse, mental abuse, sexual abuse. Kids who have watched their parent’s marriage torn apart and are drawn into the fighting. Children of drug and alcohol abusers who had to learn all too young how to take care of themselves. Children who have to help their siblings hide from a stepfather’s unwanted attention. Children abandoned by parents. Children drugged into oblivion so they don’t act up.

I faced some of these very situations this last week.

My heart aches each time I look into the face of a sweet child and see adult-like pain.

If the line from the song, “Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but He is strong,” then how can He let this happen?

This is an old question that has long been batted around by believers and non-believers alike. In fact, there is even a term for it: Theodicy. But, the reality of holding a child in pain brings it home in a way that academic arguments never can.

God allows us to live in sin as part of our ability to choose Him. That makes sense. If He fully protected us against our own sin, then we can never fully choose Him in love. I get that. I understand the difference between a computer programmed to say, “Rodger is awesome” versus my daughter giving me a hug and saying, “Daddy, I love you.”

Recognizing that God allows us to suffer the consequences of our own sin doesn’t make it hurt any less to realize that He also allows us to suffer the consequences of other people’s sin.

And that brings us to the child in pain.

Jesus says, “It would be better for him to be thrown into the sea with a millstone tied around his neck than for him to cause one of these little ones to sin.”

He also said, “Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me.”

Therein lays the answer. God’s solution to the problem of these children’s pain comes from us. For now, we are the ones to welcome them in His name. Facing this in ministry, my only comfort comes from the fact that there are loving Christians in the world who take Christ’s love for little children as a personal call. They are His hands as they put their arms around a weeping child. They are His hands as they call CPS to help break a child free from an abusive situation. They are His hands as they adopt a child or take them in foster care.

Jesus loves me, this I know. For loving Christians show me so.

Little ones to Him belong, they are weak but through Him his servants are strong.

I Need a Hero

One of my earliest memories as a child was watching my father face death.

When I was about five years old, we lived across the street from an apartment building that was somewhat disreputable. One day, we heard a loud confrontation going on out in the street. The landlord who owned the building was arguing with a tenant who owed back rent. While we watched, the tenant reached in the back of his pickup truck and pulled out a wooden tomato stake and hit the landlord in the head, knocking him to the ground where he lay crumpled. My father (who was a former ambulance attendant) instructed my mom to call the police and then he went out front.

While we watched fearfully from the upstairs window, my father walked up to the angry tenant who was still yelling and waiving the stick at the unconscious and possibly dead landlord on the ground. As my father approached, the man turned the stick towards him and demanded to know if he, “wants some too.” Dad told the angry man that he was just there to check on the injured man and then he turned his back to the tenant and began checking on the landlord.
With that, sirens began in the distant and the tenant jumped in his truck and roared off down the street out of sight. We found out later that he was captured at gunpoint a few blocks away as he drove right into the oncoming police.

A few years ago, there was a woman brutally beaten and then raped in South Mountain park, while bystanders watched, unwilling to get involved. Since then, I have seen this story repeated dozens of times in different localities by different people, always the same outcome. Someone is attacked and other people stand by doing nothing, out of fear or apathy.

Where are the superheroes? Where are the warriors? Where are the knights in armor charging in on white steeds with swords slashing? Where is the cowboy in the white hat with guns ablazing?

Moral responsibility doesn’t require superheroes, knights, cowboys, or other fictional heroes. It requires ordinary people who have had moral upbringing to stand up through fear and do the right thing.

And moral upbringing, my friends, is where we are falling down.

As a nation, we have begun raising generation after generation of morally crippled individuals.

The Shema of Judaism (found in Deuteronomy 6 for Christians) says, “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one, Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up…”

Did you catch that? “Impress them on your children.” That’s an imperative. It doesn’t say, “if your children ask,” it instructs us to do something about it. Then, it goes further. The instruction isn’t just once. It isn’t just in school. It is not just at church. It says, “Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up…”

As a youth minister, I am often surprised and appalled at the lack of moral education in the home. Parents bring their kids to church occasionally (not even regularly) and expect them to get their ‘dose of morality’ that way.

On more than one occasion, I have had parents who don’t regularly attend church call me up to ask me to deal with some issue that their child is facing. “My child is cheating in school…”, “My child is lying to me…”, “My child is hanging around with the wrong crowd”, “My child is_________.” They then say something along the lines of, “I told them that the Bible says…” this is generally followed by some misquoted passage or even something that isn’t in the Bible at all.

My question to them is, “How can you expect your child to respect to follow God’s law if you don’t even do so?”

I recently asked my Junior High and High School kids how often their parents talked to them about biblical issues at home. The resulting quiet was deafening.

It is simply impossible for a child to learn right and wrong unless they are exposed to it.

The symptoms are everywhere – steroid use in sports, Enron, Bernie Madoff, cheating scandals at Ivy League schools, the rise in violent youth crimes, and so on.

These things will continue to happen and continue getting worse until the adults of the world begin the simple and vital task of teaching moral values to our children.

My father’s actions so long ago have had a lifelong impact on me. I cannot stand aside watching evil triumph. I do what I do because of this. It may sound cliché, but, All that is required for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing.

Let's change the world. You and I. We can do it. We'll teach our children and the kids that we meet about truth and justice, about right and wrong, about love and hate. Let's dare them to stand up for the good and then, let's show them that we live it in our own lives too.

Where have all good men gone

And where are all the gods?

Where’s the street-wise Hercules

To fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?

Late at night I toss and turn and dream of what I need

I need a hero

I’m holding out for a hero ‘til the end of the night

He’s gotta be strong

And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight

Lyrics from ‘I Need a Hero’ by Bonnie Tyler

In my professional opinion, it's time to get over it

OK, I have to say it... It has been two weeks now. If you aren't a part of Michael Jackson's immediate family and friends - Get over it.

I'm tired of that being the headlines in all the news, constantly mentioned on talk radio, and the only thing anyone seems to be talking about. I have no patience for the cult of personality for celebrities that our culture seems to thrive on.

You didn't know him personally and, no matter how much you liked his music, there is no personal connection there. Zip. Zero. Nada. Nicht. None.

If your life is so empty that his death matters to you (or the happenings of any other famous celebrity that you don't personally know), then it's time for you to get out into the real world. Go meet some people. Make some friends. Go to church. Use your time to serve others and get to know them.

His daughter's eulogy broke my heart. I hurt for her and the rest of his immediate family, just like I hurt for anyone who has lost someone close to them.

For the rest of you - get a life of your own and get over it.

That's all I have to say about that.

P.S. this also goes for anything to do with Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, Brad and Angelina, Brad and Jennifer, the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Lindsey Lohan, etc. etc. etc.

Today

Today,

More than 20,000 children will die due to famine or poverty related causes

Thousands will be made orphans due to loss of parents due to HIV/AIDS

Many more will be made homeless refugees due to war

Soldiers will be injured and die in wars around the world, leaving loved ones behind

Hundreds of Americans will lose jobs and homes due to the economy

Elderly grandmothers and grandfathers will languish in loneliness

Oh yeah, and some dead famous singer guy will receive thousands of hours of media coverage.

I'm glad we focus on the important stuff.

Two Movies

This weekend, I watched two movies that are worth comment. Life just isn’t like the movies. Usually. But, sometimes, they mirror real life in a way that can be exquisitely raw.

The first movie that I saw was ‘Last Kiss.’ It was a date night movie for my wife and I. Earlier in the week, we were at Wally World, getting new shoes for my daughter. After about a half an hour looking at shoes and realizing that the girls weren’t anywhere near done, I wandered over to the $3 movie bin. (Hey, if a man can’t spend $3 on a movie for his wife, what’s this world coming to?) I found this movie that billed itself as a romantic comedy and it had the guy from ‘Scrubs’ in it, a show my wife likes. What could go wrong?

Everything.

This movie is agonizingly close to reality. It is a movie about relationships, broken ones. It was not the ‘romantic comedy’ that it billed itself as. No, this movie is about the destruction of relationships. Marriages fell apart, relationships were destroyed, parents fought over their children. There was infidelity and dysfunctional relationships right and left. I've seen far to many destroyed relationships of close friends and people I care about, to appreciate this movie.

Save your $3 and buy your wife a big chocolate candy bar.

I would recommend this movie to one group of people. I believe that I might just send it back to my old Bible college to the counseling department. It should be a class assignment: each student must take one of the characters and describe the process for counseling this person. The people in the movie are so real that the process of counseling them would be great practice.

The second movie that I saw was also on a date night. This time, it was daddy-daughter date night. I took my little girl out to see the movie of her choice and for a little gelato afterwards. She chose the movie, ‘Up’.

This movie, I would recommend. It too is about relationships. The core of the story is about a man and a woman who get married and grow old together. She dies in the first 20 minutes of the movie and the rest of the movie involves him fulfilling a promise to her while learning to find other relationships in his life.

I am not ashamed to say that I cried in this movie. The writers do such an excellent job of making you love this couple, it’s hard not to cry when you see him alone. It really strikes to the heart of my own fears. I love my wife. A lot. And, I recognize the awful truth that one day, one of us will go before the other one.

Every love story has a sad ending. There is a deep truth there that was at the heart of each of these movies. Each movie showed the pain and grieving that comes with the loss of a relationship. Unfortunately, we live in a society where the first movie is a better example of relationships than the second.

I am distressed at the state of marriage in our world. Life is short, painfully so. We have the briefest time on this earth to live and love. Why, then, would you waste it being miserable and hateful to someone.

The truth is, you can spend a lifetime growing together in a healthy relationship, facing down your problems and learning to work together OR, you can spend a lifetime dealing with the baggage from a broken relationship. Either way, you spend a lifetime with that person.

My wife and I both come from broken homes. We could have learned the lesson that relationships are disposable. They aren’t and we didn’t. Instead, we both decided that our marriage was going to last through it all. Our goal is 75 years and then we’ll renegotiate.

We’ve lasted 13 years so far, through some really tough times and through some really great times. We’ve had the 2nd Year lull and the 7 year itch. We’ve had struggles with having children and the delight of adoption. We’ve had arguments that shook the walls and we’ve laughed together, played together, cried together, and loved together.

Relationships are hard. I won't lie to you. You will never hurt another person in this world as much as the person that you truly love. To grow in love, you must be vulnerable, and when you are vulnerable, you will get hurt. Working through that hurt as a partnership, opening up to each other, and growing old together will make for an adventure that outshines any movie script.

Healthy relationships require a daily choice to grow closer to each other. They require a regular dose of humility. They require constant care and vigilance. Long lasting, loving relationships don't just happen. They require effort. Trust me; it is worth it.

Both of these movies, ‘Last Kiss’ and ‘Up’ hold the same lesson: a healthy relationship is priceless and a dysfunctional one is worthless – it’s your choice which one you will live with.

I think I need to go watch a guy movie now.

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24.