Heavy Topic

This blog originally posted Monday, August 14, 2006

Can I say it? Can I just come out and use the word? I'm obese. I'm not chunky, chubby, flabby, heavy, more to love, have a few extra pounds, or any other light-hearted euphanism. I'm morbidly, undeniably obese. This is the biggest battle (no pun intended) that I have fought in my life. Losing weight is hard. I mean it is D*** hard. This is my Goliath. My dragon to fight. My evil nemesis. I like food. I love to eat. Of all the pleasures of the flesh that mankind fights in his quest for Godliness, this is the one that beats me regularly in battle. I wish I could just look at food and see it as fuel. Just gas for the machine, Instead, it is a sensual experience. The more, the better. It is an addiction that is literally killing me. Don't get me wrong, I am winning right now, but it is a hard fight. I just went to the store the other day to buy some new clothes because much of my old clothes no longer fit. You wanna know the cool thing? I actually had to search for a new section of the store. I no longer have to buy clothes in the 'Big and Tall' section. Pretty cool. The problem is, it just hasn't gotten any easier. I hate to exercise and I love to eat. Sure wish I could switch those. Why can't I just blink the pounds off? Why can't I go on the Hostess Ding Dong diet? Why can't I sleep the weight away? Why does it take thousands of reps of weight lifting, hundreds of hours of cardio to work of a few sweets? The funny thing is, I can look at it logically and know that food should just be fuel and flavor shouldn't matter. I can look at it spiritually and know that I am misusing a gift from God. I can look at it humanly and know that I am overusing resources when others are starving. I can look at it medically and know that it will kill me if I don't stop. All this, and I still want to eat more. 40 pounds and 6 inches down. 48 pounds and 8 inches to go. I'm still fighting.